Family Jewels (Dix Dodd Mystery #2)

One clever enough to, certainly. And one with the means. Hell, one with the means to commit murder and get away with it too, maybe?”

To add insult to insult (and injury if he didn’t watch himself, for I was that close to giving him a thorough ass-kicking right there) he was dialing his cell phone as he talked to me.

The fucker!

He’d used me. He’d lulled me the flowers and the candy and the aw shucks ma’am crap, and then he’d used me to set up my own mother.

Shit shit shit! The puppy dog eyes, sad tales of lost friendship. He’d totally played me. When I was supposed to be playing him!

“Smith!” he barked into the cell. “Deputy Almond here. Go ahead on the Katt Dodd arrest. The daughter confirmed her expertise. Yes, send a couple squad cars over there right now. Marked. I want sirens and lights. Let them know we’re coming. Consider her a flight risk. I want that woman in handcuffs. I’ll meet you at the station.”

He clicked the cell shut and pocketed it neatly. And he stared across the table at me.

“That’s all you got, Deputy? The praise of a first-born daughter?”

“How stupid do you think I am, Ms. Dodd?”

“Very.”

“That was a rhetorical question.”

“Rhetorical? Don’t say words you can’t—”

“Can’t what? Spell?”

“Can’t shove up your ass!” For emphasis I slammed my fist on the table.

He stood. “There was another theft this morning. Roger Cassidy had a diamond broach lifted. One he had bought for her granddaughter’s Christening next month in Miami. He discovered it missing this morning, right after the gathering at the Wildoh.”

“Ha! And that makes my mother the prime suspect? Simply because something’s gone missing? Wow, great detective work there.”

Noel smiled — damn him. “One of our officers found your mother’s watch at the crime scene. That makes her the prime suspect.”

Few things in this world shut me up.

That shut me up.

Deputy Almond rose. With a nod and a half wave, he signaled the waiter. From all appearances, he was already on the way to our table, but pushed the dessert cart all the faster when Almond signaled. “Yes, sir?”

“Put everything on my tab, will you, Joey? Oh, and coffee and dessert for the lady, and whatever else she wants. Or maybe she prefers another drink? She looks like she could use one, don’t you think, Joey?”

Joey was smart enough not to answer that question. “As you wish, Deputy. Anything the lady wants,” he dutifully answered.

Almond slapped him on the back before he turned to me again. “Thank you for the evening Ms. Dodd. It’s been … well, interesting. And educational.”

It took every bit of restraint I had not to get up and kick the shit out of Deputy Noel Almond right then and there. But my tingling toes were pretty determined to kick my own butt as well. He’d played me perfectly. Mirrored my posture as we’d talked. Nudging me more and more to talk about myself. Earning my trust. Chocolates and roses. Flattery (grrrrrrrrrrrr, that one stung the most).

But I’d fallen for it.

Yep, we both needed a good boot in the ass.

“There was no Isabella, was there?”

“Of course there was an Isabella. What kind of man do you take me for?”

“Swine variety.”

He feigned a hurt look. “I had a goldfish named Isabella when I was nine. Only lived a week though before it died. I flushed it down the toilet. Three times. Damn thing kept swimming back up!” Almond smirked. “Now I must be off.”

Oh Christ, people actually said that?

“Business at the station house, you understand.”

I glared at the back of Almond’s head as he headed toward the door. Despite my best efforts, it still didn’t blow up like a balloon and explode.

Damn!

“Can … can I get you anything, madam?” Joey asked, a little sympathetically and a little bit scared.

I thought for all of one millisecond. “Yes, Joey. Yes you can, as a matter of fact.”

He’d already taken a step toward the bar.

“I’ll take every dessert you have.” I stood. “Every damn one of them.”

Joey stopped mid stride and turned back to me. “I don’t think the Deputy wanted—”

Fuck what the Deputy wanted.

As quickly as I could, I started handing out desserts. There was a party of ten at a nearby table (wedding party rehearsal dinner — pity the fools). “Compliments of the Sheriff’s Department,” I said, setting the little plates down. “Here, have two.”

“Are you serious?” Bride-to-be asked (two foot hair — dead giveaway), through a forkful of pie.

“Well isn’t that nice,” a beautiful silver-haired woman said. “Thank him for me, will you, dear?”

Oh I would. Personally.

I was just about to start on another table and hand over the chocolate cheesecake when I realized, ‘am I nuts, this is chocolate cheesecake’ and I shoved two pieces instead into the over-sized purse I’d brought along (yes, I did think to grab a linen napkin from my table to wrap the cheesecake in thank you very much).

All in all, it took me no more than thirty seconds to unload the trolley completely at this and another couple nearby tables.

Shit! Thirty seconds! I had to get out of there now.

“Five bottles of your finest champagne, Joey, no ten!” I yelled. “Over to the wedding party.”

The group shouted a collective “Hurray!”

Okay, the desserts, it looked like I would be getting away with (well, they were already forked into — not much Joey could do about that now) but the champagne?

Joey’s face was growing redder by the moment. “Now I know the Deputy wouldn’t want—”

“And tip yourself thirty percent!”

Joey stood still for all of one heartbeat before he started for the bar. “Well, the Deputy did say anything the lady wanted.”

I hightailed it out of the restaurant and spotted Deputy No Nuts (yep, no freakin’ nuts in my dull-knife castrating fantasies!) just getting to his car. And in my mind all I could hear was Mrs. Presley’s chastising voice: “Give me a four letter word for this situation, Dix.”

Fuck!

“Hey, Nutless!” I yelled, not so much to make myself heard over the distance so much as to enlighten everyone in the parking lot. “You’re driving me to the station!”

Yes, I would have preferred a cab, but I couldn’t waste the precious time.

Smirking, Almond waited and opened the door for me. I yanked it out of his grip, slammed it closed, and opened it again for myself. I got in. Deputy Almond was still smiling as he pulled out of the parking lot.

Why were men such pricks? Why had I let Almond play me like that?

And oh, shit. What had my mother’s watch been doing at the crime scene?