Family Jewels (Dix Dodd Mystery #2)

“Maybe someday I will, Tish.” He smiled at her and winked.

Oh God, he winked!

I cleared my throat. Twice. This one was for my mother.

I nodded to Mother and Mrs. P, who each took a seat on the small sofa at the room’s far end. Sensing something was up, Mona left the crib table and joined them.

With a quick look to Dylan (who was still unsmiling), I began. “I am sure the fact that my mother, Katt Dodd, has spent the night in jail hasn’t escaped the notice of anyone here.”

Beth Mary faked a hand-to-chest, I-had-no-idea gasp, but dropped it when she looked around the room and realized she was the only one pretending.

“It would be pretty hard to miss such a thing,” I said, “since Deputy Almond was kind enough to send a full police escort to pick up my mother. Apparently, the Sheriff’s Department feels they need full backup to escort a compliant, upstanding, innocent (if I said little old lady, Mother would kill me) woman to jail.” I looked to Almond. “Did I mention innocent?”

His expression had not changed — the smirk had not dropped, the eyes didn’t betray anything but that annoying amusement I loathed. “Katt Dodd, innocent?” he said. “That’s not where the evidence leads.”

I laughed. “Oh, that’s exactly where the evidence leads. I know who the real thief is.”

Yes, I can’t help it. My own personal theme song was playing through my mind.

Harriet grunted. “I hardly think we need be wasting our time listening to this.” She turned to Deputy Almond. “Is this how you conduct your investigations, Deputy? By letting some … some porn star,” (and she said it like it was a bad thing!) “make accusations? Refute evidence?”

I glared at Harriet Appleton. And though Wiggie (looking paler by the moment) seemed to deflate behind her, she didn’t budge under my best evil glare.

“My first thought — hell, my first prayer — Harriet, was that you were responsible for the thefts.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” she said.

“Like I said. That was my first thought. But unfortunately, wishes don’t always come true. You’re a loud- mouthed, obnoxious, mean-spirited old coot, but you’re not a thief.”

“Is this what we have to expect from this little show of yours, Dix?” Tish poured her words into the room. “One by one, you go around insulting us? This your hard evidence? Name calling?”

“Not quite Tish. And may I ask where you were on the night the broach was being stolen from Roger’s condo?” My eyes narrowed.

“That’s easy,” Tish said. “That’s idiotic also. I was down at the Roxie’s Bar. Ask Buckie, the bartender with the mermaid tats on his forearms. He’ll tell you.”

“I will.”

I wouldn’t. I had nothing on Tish. Just wanted to see if I could get her to answer. me. God, I loved the power. Okay, now with that out of the way….

I addressed the crowd again. “Any one of you could be responsible for the thefts. You all know each other. You know where each other lives. Hell, if my guess is right, you know the details of each others lives very well — right down to the rings on and off fingers, the birthdays, weddings and funerals. I’ve seen this community. Everyone knows everyone else’s business.”

“It’s called caring, Dix,” Mona said. “And that’s not a bad thing.”

She was right of course. And she squeezed my mother’s hand as she said it.

Oh I wanted her to remember those words.

“I know it is, Mona. And for the most part, it’s a great little community you have here. But there is a thief in the henhouse. A rooster in the tool shed. A goat in the foyer. An umbrella in the….”

Jesus, I really do suck at metaphors.

I quit while I was ahead. (Okay, so maybe I wasn’t ahead, but I quit anyway.)

“Get to the point, Dix.”

Okay, if anyone but Noel Almond had said that, I would have gotten to the point. Because I was damn good and ready to. I would have gotten to the point right then and there. But because Noel said it, my first inclination was to drag it out as long as I could

No chip on my shoulder. Much.

“My point is,” I said. “The real thief here at the Wildoh is not Katt Dodd as you’ve all been so willing to believe. My mother has been set up. Set up by the only one who could possibly do such a thing. By the only one who had the technology. The capability to enter locked doors so very well.”

Harriet hmphed. “Your mother’s the escape artist. The one with the expertise.”

“Ah,” I said. “Big Eddie Baskin is the one with the keys. Big Eddie, aka the Taker-Charger, is the one with the access to every accommodation on site, day and night, without suspicion. The one who could sneak into my mother’s place, take her watch and plant it for evidence at Roger Cassidy’s”

“That’s preposterous!” Mona leapt up. Judging from the brilliant flush on her face, I’d say her blood pressure had just shot up to way-too-big-a-number over holy-shit. She looked ready to rip me apart in defense of her boyfriend. “Eddie is as honest as the day is long. I’ve known him for years! We … we all have.” She looked to Mom. “I’m sorry, Katt. I want your name cleared as soon as possible. I know you’re not one bit guilty. But we were together the night the watch went missing. All night, Dix. I stayed over at his place.”

There was a collective mumble of agreement around the room. Mom looked at me with a half sympathetic “You sure, honey?” look.

Okay, usually when I reveal the culprit, it’s to a little more fanfare than this. A little more ‘Dix, you’re so wonderful. So great. Fantastic. Smartest PI ever.

And the absence of fanfare would have been fine. Except for one thing. While everyone else was hotly denying Big Eddie Baskin’s guilt, Big Eddie wasn’t. He wasn’t saying a word. Silently smiling.

I didn’t like when the person I had just accused stood silently smiling.

Not at all.

The hush went in a wave around the room and crested in the middle where Big Eddie stood. Big Eddie walked over to me with an unsettling confidence. All eyes were upon him now. Well almost all eyes were on him. Dylan was watching me. So was Deputy Noel Almond, damn it.

“Interesting theory you have there, Dodd.” Deputy Almond said. “But it’s full of holes. Completely full of holes. Keys were not used in the break-ins. All locks were picked.”

“Exactly!” I said. It didn’t take a genius or crack PI to figure that one out.

But the tides had turned. I was on the defensive now. Right about this time, Big Eddie was supposed to be defending his position, justifying his every move. Damn it! He should be flustered. Panicking and giving me more rope to hang him with. But that wasn’t happening.

I continued. “Eddie couldn’t use his keys on the break-ins. The cops would be smart enough to be able to tell if a lock had been picked or key had been used. No, Big Eddie had to be sure that he wouldn’t be suspected. He had to make it look like the locks were picked, thus he picked the locks.”

No reaction. Geez! No reaction.

“I found this.” I held out the little tool thing.” She held out the tiny golf club-ish/hockey stick-y thing. “I was snooping around yesterday when I found this on the floor.”

“That’s … that’s Eddie,” Mona said. “It’s just one of his charms.”

“One of my many charms, Mona,” he said, winking at her.

Dear God, why wasn’t he turning pale? Why wasn’t he blustering and running from the room? At the very least sitting down. Big Eddie was looking far from the criminal I was trying to peg him to be. Far from a man with something to hide.

And then there was the polyester pants thing….

“Search me.” Big Eddie spread his arms wide, palms open in an offering gesture.

“Ew—”

“No, I’m serious,” he said. “I get my groceries brought in. I sold my car a month ago. I’ve not been off the grounds for weeks. Haven’t had to. And I’ve been so damn busy with repairs around here. Harriet’s ring went missing just two days ago; Roger’s broach was stolen last night. If I was the one who took the jewels, then I’d have to still have them. Check me.” Again he spread his arms, oh and yuk, his stance. He turned to Noel Almond.