all just hanging out discussing the Dodgers' chances of winning the division.
Here's a story about Tom Casey.
Casey goes to a settlement conference with Goddamn Billy, and he has draft authority for $100,000 in his pocket. Plaintiff's attorney comes in and asks for five grand. Casey stands up, slams his fist on the table and yells, 'What do I look like, Santa Claus?!' The plaintiff settles for two thousand.
So even though Casey has Paul Gordon, the biggest, baddest plaintiff's attorney in Southern California in his office yelling about Armageddon, Casey is not exactly pissing his pants. This is because Casey is the biggest, baddest, defense attorney in the Southern Bear Flag Republic.
What you got here — if you're a connoisseur of multimillion-dollar bad faith litigation — is you have the heavyweight championship of the world.
Gordon v. Casey.
You could make a mint from the pay-per-view rights just selling to attorneys who'd watch it in the hopes that they'll actually kill each other.
Funny thing is they're in the same office complex.
Both Casey and Gordon have their offices in the 'Black Boxes,' a marvel of modern architecture, black glass and hubris that sits astride the Newport Beach greenway. They're called the Black Boxes because that's exactly what they look like, except the bottom right corner of each building is cut away, so they look like black boxes that are about to topple over. Which is where the marvel of modern architecture bit comes in.
Casey calls them the 'There Isn't Going to Be Any Fucking Earthquake' buildings, because one good temblor and you got to believe that these babies are coming down, precariously balanced as they appear to be. So you got Casey in one, and Gordon in the other, both on the twelfth floors, and they actually face each other. If they have their curtains open they could exchange friendly morning waves, which is just about as likely as O.J. and Fred Goldman sitting down over a fondue.
Anyway, Casey says, 'Jack's conduct was inappropriate, no dispute, Paul.'
Gordon nods with some satisfaction but he knows a punch is coming in here somewhere.
Casey throws it. 'But Paul, do you think that if a jury concludes that your client is an arsonist and a murderer, it's going to give a rat's ass about some dumb thing Jack did?'
'The jury won't conclude anything of the kind, Tom.'
'Maybe not,' Tom says, shrugging. 'But just to add a jalapeno to the chili, I will tell you right now, if you push this to a trial, I will make sure that it's monitored by the federal prosecutor's office to consider potential criminal charges against your client.'
Casey turns to smile at Nicky and explains, 'Arson can be considered a federal crime, at the discretion of the U.S. Attorney.'
Nicky shrugs an exact imitation of Casey's patented shrug.
Like, you can stick your U.S. Attorney up your ass.
And waddle.
Nicky says, 'You have no evidence.'
'Mr. Vale, to use a technical term,' Casey says, 'I have evidence up the wazoo.'
Lays it all out for him.
Incendiary origin.
Motive.
And opportunity.
Especially opportunity, because he has him in a lie on his whereabouts that night.
'The guard has you coming in at 4:45,' Casey says.
'So?'
Oh-so-cool Call Me Nicky.
'So you're hosed,' Jack says.
Seeing if he can, you know, set Paul Gordon off.
80
He does.
Gordon goes totally off.
It takes Casey a good ten minutes to get him to sit down. What Casey does is he sends an intern racing to the trendy little coffee shop downstairs to fetch a cappuccino grande with low-fat milk and a dash of nutmeg.
'Decaf,' Casey stresses to the intern.
It's well known among the greater legal community of Southern California that Gordon has a serious cappuccino jones, that in fact he keeps an associate whose entire job consists of making sure that the attorney has two of them on the table before any meeting begins.
So Gordon's sitting in Casey's office huffing and puffing, face all red, little droplets of sweat bubbling on his forehead.
It's beautiful.
And Casey gets a clue as to how he'll take Gordon in the courtroom if it comes to that: whip him into a froth and let the jury see it.
The decaf cap arrives, Gordon takes a long, soothing sip and then says to Nicky, 'Go ahead.'
Jack's like, Go ahead and what? Go ahead and jump out the window?
It isn't what Nicky has in mind.
Nicky just lays his cool look on Jack and says, 'As to one of my employees picking up Pamela's prescription, that's ridiculous. As to this alleged statement by the gate guard, I don't know with whom you talked, or whether you talked to anyone. All I can tell you is that I was home with my children and my mother that entire evening and morning, just as I told you on the recorded statement.'
Gordon lays a document on the table. 'This is the signed and notarized affidavit from Mr. Michael Derochik, the guard who was on duty the night of the fire, in which he affirms that he did not see Mr. Vale leave or enter the gate after 8:30 that evening.'
Jack starts getting this feeling that Nicky's not going out the window.
It's Opportunity that just went out the window.
Nicky continues, 'As to my finances, I advised Mr. Wade that because I am in an international business, there is great flux in the liquidity of my assets. The tide, as it were, ebbs and flows. If Mr. Wade would bother to check my accounts today, he will see that I have the money to meet both my personal and commercial responsibilities. As for losing my home, my mortgage payments are current, and I have ample funds to meet the upcoming payment on my home.'
Motive is on the ledge.
But I still have Incendiary Origin, Jack thinks. Long as this is an arson fire, everything else follows. And I still have IO.
For about five seconds.
'Your samples that showed traces of accelerants?' Gordon asks. 'Deputy Bentley took samples and sent them to the state crime lab, and the samples came up negative. Oh, there's traces of a little Class O combustible — which is probably the turpentine you'd expect from pine flooring — but kerosene? Now, I don't know where Mr. Wade got his so-called samples, but it wasn't from the Vale house, I can tell you that.'
So there it is. Jack thinks that if he looks out the window to the ground, he'll see the smashed remains of Incendiary Origin, Motive, and Opportunity lying on the sidewalk.
'I'm filing suit today,' Gordon adds. 'Breach of contract, failure to reasonably investigate, and bad faith. If you'd like to settle, come with $50 million in your pocket or don't come.'
'Fifty goddamn million?!'
Gordon smiles and nods. 'Over and above what you owe on the policies.'
'That's just goddamn extortion, is all that is.'
'Like a church bingo pot,' Paul Gordon tells Casey.
