himself, it's just that he's not trying real hard not to.
Because what's the difference? Jack's thinking.
The job's gone.
And I don't have a life outside the job.
Unless you count the daily surfing ritual at Dana Strand.
Which will be gone soon.
Into the Great Sunsets.
His adrenaline's a little jacked when he has to slow down to figure out where Letty's place is.
In the middle of nowhere.
He finally finds it about a hundred yards down a dirt road that runs between two pastures. There's a stand of trees with several buildings hidden in it and when he pulls up the sign says DEL RIO.
He sits in the car wondering why the hell he's there, decides it's for no good reason at all, and he's just about to put the 'Stang in reverse when he sees lights come on in the house.
He turns off the engine and gets out of the car.
She comes out, she's wearing a T-shirt over jeans and she's barefoot.
Hair tussled.
Stands in her gravel driveway looking at him.
Like, What are you doing here?
'It's over,' he finally says. 'I blew it. We lost.'
She thinks about it for a few seconds, then says, 'You drove out here to tell me that?'
It's a minute at least before he hears himself speak.
'I have nothing in my life.'
Feels like he's standing a long way away, hearing himself say that.
She goes to him and takes him by the arm and leads him into her house.
94
Later, when she takes him into her bedroom, she pulls her T-shirt over her head and steps out of the jeans and gets under the sheet. Jack gets undressed and lies down beside her. She reaches out for him and her skin is white and warm, and they kiss and she presses against him and he pulls the sheet down. When he reaches down to touch her she's moist and warm. He strokes her, feeling her get wetter, feeling her flow to his hand and get hotter, and then she says, Baby, and when she reaches for him he's hard and with her open hand she strokes him up and down.
They stroke each other, she starts to move against his hand, she presses up and her eyes get wide as if she's surprised. And her skin is hot and she arches her back and reaches her other hand for his and holds it tight as she cranes her neck back and comes.
He keeps stroking, touching her where she's now so wet but she moves his hand away and says, In me, I want you in me, and she guides him inside her and Jack is surprised at how good she feels, hot and ripply as she moves up and down against him, and her breasts flatten against his chest and she doesn't close her eyes but she looks at him as he moves slowly in and out of her. Her black hair rippling on the pillow; he reaches out to grab it and clench it in his hand, bury his face and kiss her neck, lick her salty skin there. She clasps the back of his neck and pulls him close to kiss her. Her mouth is hot and her tongue is hot and her thighs feel fiery against his and he starts to move faster and harder because he wants to feel the heat of the core of her. He can feel it when he lunges hard deep into her. She can feel it too, because she jams herself against him and pushes him up deeper into her. He can feel the head of his cock touch this deep hot place inside her that touches some deep place in him, and she's holding his neck and his ass and rocking with him and he's gripping her neck and her ass and can feel her wet against the tips of his fingers there, and then it feels like inside there is this heat flowing, flowing, and she grips him harder saying, Yes, baby, it's okay, as he moans and starts to move faster and harder. There's this heat in him, he feels like he's falling, he feels like he's on fire and falling as she rocks him in and around her, there's that heat so deep inside her, so lovely, inside her so lovely, her face so lovely, this falling like riding a wave of flame, Yes, baby, it's okay, come in me, you can come in me, and then he is, it's like falling off the world, like a wave of flame crashing, rolling him over and over under this unbearable wave of pleasure, not letting him up, he's crying out, she's cooing, Yes, baby, he's under this ocean of pleasure, somewhere up above the water he hears his long scream, he feels his soul race out ahead of him, he's drowning, she's saying, Baby, and when finally he comes up it's like he washes up on the white beach of her body, white neck and white breasts, her stomach slick, their sweat like smooth wet sand, and her face is flushed red and her eyes are wet. Black hair sweaty wet clings to her neck and he sees those eyes searching for his and then he finally breathes.
Tears come. Drop from his eyes onto her neck, her chest, her breasts, she holds him tightly to her as he sobs, as he weeps twelve empty years.
95
Jack wakes up in Letty's bed.
At first he's like, Where the hell am I, but then he smells the Mexican coffee and remembers. Rolls out of the rack and comes into the kitchen and she's standing there by the toaster sipping on the strong coffee.
'I don't do the bacon-and-eggs thing,' she says. 'But I can offer you toast and coffee.'
'Sounds great.'
He plops down on a stool by her curved kitchen counter and looks out the window. The land slopes down through big, old black oak trees to some open pasture. Across a fence, horses are out grazing.
'Your horses?' Jack asks.
'The neighbor's,' she says. 'I ride them sometimes. You ride?'
'Just surfboards,' he says.
'To each his own ride,' she says, handing him a plate of buttered toast. She sits on the stool next to his. 'What are you going to do now?'
'I'm going to go in to the office,' he says, 'and clean out my desk.'
'You think they're really going to fire you?'
Jack says, 'If they don't, I'm going to quit anyway.'
'You don't have to do that,' she says.
'Yeah I do.'
They sit and look out the window. It's pretty out there, Jack thinks. The trees and the pasture. Mountains in the background.
After a few minutes she asks, 'So what are you going to do?'
'Dunno.'
A few minutes later she says, 'You could come here.'
'You don't have to-'
'The house needs a remodel,' she says. 'You could be doing that. You know, fixing things-'
'Sleeping in your bed…'
'Well, that would be a bonus.'
'For me.'
'How gallant.'
More coffee, more silence, more window gazing. Then she says, 'It's a serious offer.'
'Serious?'
'Sincere,' she says, looking into her coffee cup. 'And sudden. But look, how often do you get a second chance? I mean, me as well.'
'Yeah,' he says. 'Same.'
