It seems almost incredible, considering what the night life of Chuffnell Regis was like, but the next thing that woke me was not a girl leaping out from under the bed, her father bounding in with blood in his eye, or a police sergeant playing ragtime on the knocker, but actually the birds outside my window heralding in a new day.
Well, when I say heralding, it was about ten-thirty of a fine summer morning, and the sunshine streaming in through the window seemed to be calling to me to get up and see what I could do to an egg, a rasher, and the good old pot of coff.
I had a hasty bath and shave and trotted down to the kitchen, full of
11 SINISTER BEHAVIOUR OF A
YACHT-OWNER
It was not until I had finished breakfast and was playing the banjolele in the front garden that something seemed to whisper reproachfully in my ear that I had no right to be feeling as perky as this on what was so essentially the morning after. Dirty work had been perpetrated overnight. Tragedy had stalked through the home. Scarcely ten hours earlier I had been a witness of a scene which, if I were the man of fine fibre I liked to think myself, should have removed all the sunshine from my life. Two loving hearts, one of which I had been at school and Oxford with, had gone to the mat together in my presence and having chewed holes in one another had parted in anger, never – according to present schedule – to meet again. And here I was, carefree and callous, playing 'I Lift Up My Finger And I Say Tweet-Tweet' on the banjolele.
All wrong. I switched to 'Body and Soul', and a sober sadness came upon me.
Something, I felt, must be done. Steps must be taken and avenues explored.
But I could not conceal from myself that the situation was complex. Usually, in my experience, when one of my pals has broken off diplomatic relations with a girl or vice versa they have been staying in a country house together or at least living in London, where it wasn't so dashed difficult to arrange a meeting and join their hands with a benevolent smile. But in this matter of Chuffy and Pauline Stoker, consider the facts. She was on the yacht, virtually in irons. He was at the Hall, three miles inland. And anybody who wanted to do any hand-joining had got to be a much more mobile force than I was. True, my standing with old Stoker had improved a bit overnight, but there had been no hint on his part of any disposition to give me the run of his yacht. I seemed to have about as much chance of getting in touch with Pauline and endeavouring to reason with her as if she had never come over from America at all.
Quite a prob, I mean to say, and I was still brooding on it when the garden gate clicked and I perceived Jeeves walking up the path.
'Ah, Jeeves,' I said.
My manner probably seemed to him a little distant, and I jolly well meant it to. What Pauline had told me about his loose and unconsidered remarks with reference to my mentality had piqued me considerably. It was not the first time he had said that sort of thing, and one has one's feelings.
But if he sensed the hauteur, he affected to ignore it. His bearing continued placid and unmoved.
'Good morning, sir.'
'Have you come from the yacht?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Was Miss Stoker there?'
'Yes, sir. She appeared at the breakfast table. I was somewhat surprised to see her. I had assumed that it was her intention to remain ashore and establish communication with his lordship.'
I laughed shortly.
'They established communication, all right!'
'Sir?'
I put down the banjolele and looked at him sternly.
'A nice thing you let all and sundry in for last night!' I said.
'Sir?'
'You can't get out of it by saying 'Sir?' Why on earth didn't you stop Miss Stoker from swimming ashore yestreen?'
'I could scarcely take the liberty, sir, of thwarting the young lady in an enterprise on which her heart was so plainly set.'
'She says you urged her on with word and gesture.'
'No, sir. I merely expressed sympathy with her stated aims.'
'You said I would be delighted to put her up for the night.'
'She had already decided to seek refuge in your house, sir. I did nothing more than hazard the opinion that you would do all that lay in your power to assist her.'
'Well, do you know what the outcome was – the upshot, if I may use the term? I was pursued by the police.'
'Indeed, sir?'
'Yes. Naturally I couldn't sleep in the house, with every nook and cranny bulging with blighted girls, so I withdrew to the garage. I had hardly been there ten minutes before Sergeant Voules arrived.'
'I have not met Sergeant Voules, sir.'
'With him Constable Dobson.'
'I am acquainted with Constable Dobson. A nice young fellow. He is keeping company with Mary, the parlourmaid at the Hall. A red-haired girl, sir.'
'Resist the urge to talk about the colour of parlourmaids' hair, Jeeves,' I said coldly. 'It is not germane to the issue. Stick to the point. Which is that I spent a sleepless night, chased to and fro by the gendarmerie.'
'I am sorry to hear that, sir.'
'Eventually Chuffy arrived. Forming a totally erroneous diagnosis of the case, he insisted on helping me to my room, removing my boots, and putting me to bed. He was thus occupied when Miss Stoker strolled in, wearing my heliotrope pyjamas.'
'Most disturbing, sir.'
'It was. They had the dickens of a row, Jeeves.'
'Indeed, sir.'
'Eyes flashed, voices were raised. Eventually Chuffy fell downstairs and went moodily out into the night. And the point is – the nub of the thing is – what is to be done about it?'
'It is a situation that will require careful thought, sir.'
'You mean you have not had any ideas yet?'
'I have only this moment heard what transpired, sir.'
'True. I was forgetting that. Have you had speech with Miss Stoker this morning?'
'No, sir.'
'Well, I can see no point in your going to the Hall and tackling Chuffy. I have given this matter a good deal of thought, Jeeves, and it is plain to me that Miss Stoker is the one who will require the persuasive word, the nicely reasoned argument – in short, the old oil. Last night Chuffy wounded her deepest feelings, and it's going to take a lot of spadework to bring her round. In comparison, the problem of Chuffy is simple. I shouldn't be surprised if even now he was kicking himself soundly for having behaved so like a perfect chump. One day of quiet meditation, at the outside, should be enough to convince him that he wronged the girl. To go and reason with Chuffy is simply a waste of time. Leave him alone, and Nature will effect the cure. You had better go straight back to the yacht and see what you can do at the other end.'
'It was not with the intention of interviewing his lordship that I came ashore, sir. Once more I must reiterate that, until you informed me just now, I was not aware that anything in the nature of a rift had occurred. My motive in coming here was to hand you a note from Mr Stoker.'
I was puzzled.
'A note?'
'Here it is, sir.'
