'Precisely, sir. I shall be delighted to procure you butter.'
'But can I still catch that 10.21?'
'I fear not, sir. But I have ascertained that there is another train as late as 11.50.'
'Then I'm on velvet.'
'Yes, sir.'
I breathed deeply. The relief was great.
'I shouldn't wonder if you couldn't even dig me up a packet of sandwiches for the journey, what?'
'Certainly sir.'
'And a drop of something?'
'Undoubtedly, sir.'
'Then if you happened to have such a thing as a cigarette on your person at this moment, everything would be more or less perfect.'
'Turkish or Virginian, sir?'
'Both.'
There is nothing like a quiet cigarette for soothing the system. For some moments I puffed luxuriously, and my nerves, which had been sticking out of my body an inch long and curled at the ends, gradually slipped into place again. I felt restored and invigorated and in a mood for conversation.
'What was all that yelling about, Jeeves?'
'Sir?'
'Just before I met Chuffy, animal cries started to proceed from somewhere in the house. It sounded like Seabury'
'It was Master Seabury, sir. He is a little fractious tonight.'
'What's biting him?'
'He is somewhat acutely disappointed, sir, at having missed the Negro entertainment on the yacht.'
'Absolutely his own fault, the silly little geezer. If he wanted to go to Dwight's birthday party, he shouldn't have started a scrap with him.'
'Just so, sir.'
'To attempt to touch your host for one and sixpence protection money on the eve of a birthday party is the act of a fathead.'
'Very true, sir.'
'What did they do about it? He seems to have stopped yelling. Did they chloroform him?'
'No, sir. I understand that steps are being taken to provide something in the nature of an alternative entertainment for the little fellow.'
'How do you mean, Jeeves? Are they having the niggers up here?'
'No, sir. The expense rules that project out of the sphere of practical politics. But I understand that her ladyship has induced Sir Roderick Glossop to offer his services.'
I could not follow this.
'Old Glossop?'
'Yes, sir.'
'But what can he do?'
'It appears, sir, that he has a pleasing baritone voice and as a younger man – in the days when he was a medical student – was often accustomed to render songs at smoking concerts and similar entertainments.'
'Old Glossop!'
'Yes, sir. I overheard him telling her ladyship so.'
'Well, I would never have thought it.'
'I agree that one would scarcely suspect such a thing from his bearing nowadays, sir.
'Then you mean that he is going to soothe young Seabury with song?'
'Yes, sir. Accompanied by her ladyship on the piano.'
I spotted the snag.
'It won't work, Jeeves. Reason it out for yourself.'
'Sir?'
'Well, here is a kid who has been looking forward to seeing a troupe of nigger minstrels do their stuff. Is he likely to accept as an adequate substitute a white-faced loony-doctor accompanied by his mother on the piano?'
'Not white-faced, sir.'
'What!'
'No, sir. The question was debated, and it was her ladyship's view that something in the nature of a negroid performance was indispensable. The young gentleman, when in his present frame of mind, is always extremely exigent.'
I swallowed a puff of smoke the wrong way in my emotion.
'Old Glossop isn't blacking up?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Jeeves, pull yourself together. This can't be true. He is blacking his face?'
'Yes, sir.'
'It isn't possible.'
'Sir Roderick is very amenable at the moment, sir, you must remember, to any suggestion emanating from her ladyship.'
'You mean he's in love?'
'Yes, sir.'
'And Love conquers all?'
'Yes, sir.'
'But even so.... If you were in love, Jeeves, would you black up to entertain the son of the adored object?'
'No, sir. But we are not all constituted alike.'
'True.'
'Sir Roderick did endeavour to protest, but her ladyship overruled his objections. And, as a matter of fact, sir, I think that, on the whole, it is a good thing that she did. Sir Roderick's kindly act will serve to heal the breach between Master Seabury and himself. I happen to know that the young gentleman has been unsuccessful in his endeavour to extract protection money from Sir Roderick, and was resenting the fact keenly.'
'He tried to gouge the old boy?'
'Yes, sir. For ten shillings. I have the information from the young gentleman himself
'They all confide in you, Jeeves.'
'Yes, sir.'
'And old Glossop wouldn't kick in?'
'No, sir. Instead, he read the young gentleman something of a lecture. What the young gentleman described as 'pi-jaw'. And I happen to know that hard feelings existed as a consequence on the latter's side. So much so, indeed, that I received the impression that he had been planning something in the nature of a reprisal.'
'He wouldn't have the nerve to do the dirty on a future stepfather, would he?'
'Young gentleman are headstrong, sir.'
'True. One recalls the case of my Aunt Agatha's son, young Thos., and the Cabinet Minister.'
'Yes, sir.'
'In a spirit of ill-will he marooned him on an island in the lake with a swan.'
'Yes, sir.'
'How is the swanning in these parts? I confess that I would like to see old Glossop shinning up something with a bilious bird after him.'
'I fancy that Master Seabury's thoughts turned more towards something on the order of a booby trap, sir.'
'They would. No imagination, that kid. No vision. I've often noticed it. His fancy is – what's the word?'
