'But this is how I am, Darian,' she replied.
Roke whimpered and blubbered on the ground, his eyes fixed on the barrel of the pistol pointed at his head. Trinica's gaze was locked with Frey's.
Frey had seen enough murders in his time. He'd just watched his engineer throw a man off the roof. But that was done in anger, was heavily provoked and, to Frey's mind, well deserved. Roke might be a scumbag, maybe even a traitor, but he'd given them the information they wanted. To shoot him now was just too cold-blooded.
Or maybe it was just that it was Trinica holding the gun. Maybe, if she pulled that trigger, he'd lose her for ever.
Please don't be like this.
Frey's heart thumped in his chest. Snow drifted through the space between them. Seconds crawled past.
'Very well,' she said at last. 'As you wish.' Then she lowered her gun and walked off towards the Ketty Jay without another word. Frey let out the breath he'd been holding.
'I need a doctor!' Roke cried suddenly. He was cradling his destroyed hand, face slack with shock. 'Someone get me a doctor!'
Frey turned to Malvery.
'Don't look at me,' Malvery said. 'I've barely got enough supplies to look after you lot. I ain't wasting any on him.'
'Sorry,' said Frey to Roke. 'Looks like you're on your own.'
'Maybe you can ask one of the factory workers for help,' Malvery added maliciously.
Roke was still howling when they left him, and he kept howling until the sound of the Ketty Jay's engines drowned him out.
Thirty-One
The Delirium Trigger hung at anchor over the docks, between the frozen land and the ice-blue sky. She floated silently on aerium ballast, linked to the ground by thick chains. Fresh welding scars and burn marks marred her skin, tokens of her battle with the Storm Dog. The patch-up job hadn't been pretty, but that was the price of speed.
Frey and Trinica stood by a wooden railing on a hillside path that overlooked the Yort settlement of Iktak. Here the path bulged outward, perhaps intended as a rest point, a place for carts to pass, or even a convenient spot to take in the view. Frey couldn't imagine it was the latter. There was little to view in Iktak, just a depressing, industrial knot of pipes and factories and grimy snow that never quite thawed. That, and the bleak tundra beyond, an empty expanse broken by streaks of shrubbery in toxic colours.
Frey had stood in this exact spot when he'd said his goodbyes to Crake, a month ago. Back then the Delirium Trigger had been going in for repairs. Now, it seemed they were all but completed.
A place for partings, then, he thought. For there was another one coming, and he'd feel this one even more keenly than the last.
After they left Endurance, a hasty conference in the cockpit had determined their next move. Fly to Iktak, collect the Delirium Trigger, and then move on Grist's hideout in full force. Trinica was confident that her craft would be ready. She knew the workshop and said it was the best in the North. She'd offered them enough to make sure her craft was repaired within a month. It appeared her trust hadn't been misplaced.
'It'll take a day, at least,' she said. 'Maybe two. Break in the new crewmen. Trial flight. Fire the guns. All of that.' She pulled her fur-and-hide coat closer around her shoulders. 'I won't take them into battle untested. Not against Grist.'
'Fair enough. He hasn't made a move this past month. Whatever he's waiting for, what's another day or two? Better to be ready, right?'
'Indeed.'
'I've a trip of my own planned, anyway.'
'Oh yes?'
'I had a talk with my crew.'
She turned towards him slightly. Black birds flapped through the air overhead, croaking. 'About what?'
'About everything. Grist, you. About why I was dragging them all over everywhere.'
'You told them about us?'
'Not everything. Enough.'
'How did they take it?'
'Well, after they'd picked themselves off the floor, I think they were glad to know. It explains a lot for them, I suppose.'
Trinica laid a gloved hand on his arm and gave him a wan smile. Frey felt his throat tighten suddenly and his eyes began to prickle. The moment of affection, this lightest of contacts, had caught him by surprise. He looked away and stared intently into the middle distance, forcing back the threat of tears.
Blood and dust, Frey! Hold it together! You're supposed to be a man!
'They wanted to try and get Crake back,' he said. 'I said yes. Least I could do. Jez thinks she might be able to talk to him. She knows what's eating him up.'
'What about Pinn?'
'Pinn's gone,' said Frey, a touch of regret creeping into his voice. He couldn't help feeling that it was mostly his fault they'd lost their best pilot. 'If he ever told anyone where he came from, they don't remember. Don't have the first clue where to look for him. If he wants to come back, he'll have to find us. But somehow I doubt the lad's got the brains for it.'
'Will you replace him, then?'
'I don't know,' he said. 'I suppose I'll have to, eventually. Won't be the same, though.' He scratched the back of his neck. 'You know, there's a little part of me that's gonna miss that fat, stupid moron.'
He studied the Delirium Trigger. A shuttlecraft was departing from the Iktak docks and heading up towards it. Perhaps it was carrying engineers, still applying finishing touches to the delicate mechanisms inside. Maybe, once all the major work was done, they'd moved it out of the hangar to make space for another craft.
Thinking about things like that stopped him thinking about other things.
'It's a good idea,' said Trinica. 'About Crake.' She sounded weary and unenthusiastic, but then she always did when she was depressed.
Frey rolled his shoulders. 'We could do with getting Bess back if we need to do any fighting on the ground. Nobody can kick your head off like Bess can.'
'Come on. It's not about Bess. You miss Crake, too. Admit it.'
Frey poked at the frozen ground with the toe of his boot. 'Yeah,' he said. 'A lot more than Pinn, anyway.' He looked over at her. 'You won't go after Grist while I'm gone?'
'I'll wait for you, Darian,' she said. But, tired as she seemed, she didn't say it with much conviction. Frey wanted more assurance than that.
'Trinica,' he said. He made her face him. He wanted her to know it was serious. 'I can trust you, can't I? Because if you turned on me again . . .' He trailed off, not knowing how to end it.
'You can trust me,' she said, more firmly this time.
Frey was satisfied with that. They stood together in silence for a time, watching the activity in the docks below. Aircraft taking off, engineers tinkering with engines, foremen directing the moving of heavy equipment.
'All this will be different, you know,' she said at length.
He knew what she meant. She meant the feeling between them. She meant herself. After this, she'd return
