The breakfast and the shaving gear arrived then.
They went north in three cars, the security men riding in front of and behind them, civilian and military police clearing the way. There was a slight argument with Mr. MacMahon about stopping at Ski's base to pick up the clean clothes, but in the argument the security men forgot to watch Pan Satyrus, who again captured Mr. Crawford.
The pleas of his colleague moved Mr. MacMahon's heart, and he agreed that he could stop if Pan promised not to get out of the car at the Naval Base.
So it was still short of noon when they went, sirens screaming, between lines of plainclothes men and up to the portico of a very, very private house. Dr. Bedoian, in his new, government-bought, suit was drowsing beside the driver. He woke up and got out first.
General Maguire was coming down the steps of the private house. He was in full Class A this time instead of tropical Class A. 'I am to take Mem in,' he said. 'In fact, my orders are, I am to consider myself Mem's aide-de- camp.'
Pan Satyrus said, 'Don't call me by that ridiculous name.'
'But it is your name. If you could see the mornning papers, you'd know, we've really pulled a scoop! What we did yesterday is on all the front pages, we have never had such good publicity. You can't change your name now.'
'I see you have two stars again,' Pan said. He reached a hand out.
General Maguire jumped back. 'After your — when you come out again, the reporters want to see you.'
'Kissing your wife?'
'Mrs. Maguire has gone north to consult her physician in Baltimore. Please, won't you cooperate? My whole career depends on it.'
Pan sat down on the crushed shell driveway. He picked up a handful of shell, tasted it, spat it out. 'Oily,' he said. 'Yet, I felt a desire for oyster shell. Calcium deficiency, doctor?'
Dr. Bedoian said, 'I'll make a note of it. Maybe well try calcium gluconate. It tastes like candy, Pan.'
General Maguire said, 'It — he — seems to respond to you, doctor. Won't you please reason with him? If anything goes wrong in the next hour or so, I'll be a colonel on the retired list.'
Dr. Bedoian shrugged.
'Tell me, General,' Pan asked, 'would you be able to eat any more if you had two stars on each shoulder instead of one? Would you be able to drink more and have a smaller hangover? Could you have two young wives instead of one old one?'
'By God, I wish I had you in the Army for a few days, Mem,' Maguire answered.
'The name is Pan Satyrus. Mr. Satyrus except to my friends.'
The general clenched his teeth. Through his slit lips he said, 'All right, then. Mr. Satyrus. But come along. You can't keep men like this waiting. Nobody ever has.'
'I'm not somebody. I am a simple chimpanzee.'
'Yes, sir. You are a simple chimpanzee.'
'And last night you would have shot me if you had had a gun on.'
'Forget last night, Mr. Satyrus. Last night you had a good time, and I had a horrible one.'
'You're learning,*' Pan said. He stretched his arms to their full lengths and pulled up his legs, so he could swing on his knuckles. 'I'm cramped from riding in the car,' he explained. 'Okay, pal. The doctor walks with me, Chief Bates and Radioman Bronstein fall in behind, and you can bring up the rear, Maguire.'
'That isn't military,' the general screamed. Then he got control of himself again. 'AH right, sir. As you say, Mr. Satyrus.'
Pan Satyrus gave his gruesome laugh. I'm looking forward to seeing those papers. I must be the biggest thing since the Twist.'
General Maguire said, 'The man who wrote the Twist already has a new dance out called the Chimpango.' He swallowed, and added, 'Sir.'
'Then let us chimpango, by all means,' Pan said. I'll tell you something, General. I'm really very easy to get along with. All chimpanzees are, given a chance to be natural. And I'll tell you something else; Mrs. Maguire can come back. I don't really have designs on her.'
And so they left the crushed-shell driveway, and went up the steps, and past the Marine guards — who presented arms, and were saluted in turn by Pan Satyrus — and into the cool interior of the house.
Here a suave version of a security man stopped them, and said, politely, 'I'll have to ask for your identification, gentlemen.'
General Maguire snapped out a gold-edged, plasticine-covered I.D. card. Ape and Happy got theirs out only a little slower. Dr. Bedoian produced his NASA pass.
Pan Satyrus swung on his knuckles, and said, 'I left mine in my other pants.'
The security man said, 'But you're not wearing any. Oh.'
'Then I guess this interview's off,' Pan said. 'Doctor, do you think we could get to Canaveral by—'
'I was ordered to bring him here!' General Maguire said. His voice bleated; it was still martial, but pretty much that of a martial goat.
The security man said, 'My orders; nobody in without I.D.'
Happy Bronstein looked even happier than usual, Ape Bates even more gorilla-like.
General Maguire said, 'Surely, you recognize this — this Mr. Satyrus.'
'Does he?' Pan Satyrus said. 'Do you? I am a male chimpanzee, seven and a half years old. Maybe Dr. Bedoian could tell me from any other male chimpanzee, my age, in good health. But I doubt if anybody else could.'
'You are the meanest person I ever met, Pan,' Dr. Bedoian said.
'I am not a person. I am a chimpanzee. We don't mind trouble. We like it.'
'Trouble for other people?'
'No, Aram, not necessarily. Just trouble. Nobody ever handled a ten-year-old chimp, did they? Not in the movies, or on the stage, or in a strait jacket in a capsule. It can't be done. Because chimps like trouble.'
'Damn it,' General Maguire said, 'we can't stand here like a bunch of quartermaster sergeants. I'll vouch for this — this—'
'Chimpanzee,' Pan said. 'Pongina. Great ape. Pan Satyrus.'
'I'll vouch for him,' said the voice of the military goat.
The security man stepped aside.
Ape Bates said to Happy, 'I think they're making a mistake. Pan's up to something.' His lips did not move as he said it.
Another security man opened the door, and there was the Great Man, Number I, facing them.
He was seated behind a light table, leaning back in a rocking chair. And he was not alone. With him was a governor, another great man.
Pan Satyrus swung forward, using his arms as crutches, flew through the air, and landed on a corner of the table. It was better built than it looked; it did not creak, just swayed a little.
General Maguire came to attention, and said, 'Mission completed, sir.'
The Great Man said, 'So I see. Introduce us, general.'
'Sir-'
'It isn't necessary,' Pan said. 'I call myself Pan Satyrus. As college men, you both know — I am sure— that this is the proper scientific name for my species. The only species of chimpanzee there is, in fact, though there are two species of orangs and two of gorilla. And I know who you both are. I've seen your faces dozens of times.'
The Governor had charm, almost as much as Number One. He leaned forward. 'How interesting. Where did you see our faces?'
'On the floor of the Primate House,' Pan said. 'You'd be surprised how many newspapers there are there, on Sunday night, when the keepers finally run the crowd out. Crumpled newspapers, mustard-stained newspapers, walked-on newspapers. Filthy, and all of them — or nearly all — with one of your two faces on them.'
The Great Man said, 'Governor, we're not dominating this interview.'
The Governor was chuckling. 'Routed by a Pan Satyrus,' he said.
The Great Man took over. 'Mr. Satyrus, at least we made this a bipartisan conference. An honor to you.'
Pan frowned, or so it seemed. Chimps' features do not quite assume the same expressions as men's. 'Oh? Is
