A Flame in Byzantium

heresy, I am speaking treason. Perhaps you had better not read this, or I had better not send this. I would burn it, but I have had too much of burning already. If I forget myself and send this to you, I suggest you burn it for your own protection. Or you can take it to an officer of the Court Censor, and then Kimon Athanatadies can have a chance to persuade me I am in error. If only someone could. If only I could convince myself that I have not enough comprehension and that what I see as a failing really is a magnificent accomplishment.

The souls of the books haunt me. They are like ghosts who cry in the night, and I hear them, so many, many voices, all lost and wandering. That sounds like the words of a madman, doesn't it? It may be that I am mad, and have not realized it yet. If I am mad, then does that mean I am condemned to live with those pitiful voices for the rest of my life?

Pay no attention to me, Chrysanthos. There is no reason for you to have to listen to more of this; you already suffered more than your share of this maudlin self-recrimination I have indulged in since I carried out my orders. And after all, the decision was not mine, it was the decision of Justinian to do away with the books. I was nothing more than his instrument and by rights I have no responsibility in the act, as you had none. It is just that I saw the books and the flames that consumed them and I have become sentimental about them. I do not castigate myself for the men I maimed and killed in battle, or for the peasants that starved because my troops took the last of their chickens to keep from starving themselves. There is no sensible reason to be so distressed over the scribblings on tablets and parchment and papyrus and paper. I have indulged in useless and apostatic whining long enough and I must have exhausted your patience and the bonds of our friendship long since.

I pray you have a worthy campaign and that you gain the glory and advancement you have so long deserved, and that any stigma that remains from your association with Belisar-ius or with me is at last removed so that you can be recognized as the superior officer you are. Do not hesitate to disavow your ties to me if that will aid you. I do not want to hinder you in any way, for you have done more than I might reasonably expect of a friend and fellow-officer. And I no longer deserve the loyalty you have given so unstintingly.

When I hear from you again, if I ever do, I trust it will be to learn that you are at last given full field command and the rights and grants that go with that promotion. Never did a true soldier earn it more completely than you have. If it would not compromise you, I would offer an official commendation, but since the Emperor recalled me, a good word from me is the same as the kiss of the plague. So perhaps you may regard this letter as a private thanks and appreciation from an officer who is no longer in a position to express such things.

If I have not wholly disgraced myself, or if there truly is a merciful God in Heaven, I might be given the chance to expiate my sins on campaign again. The Saints know I would welcome it. Let me be a Captain. I do not want higher command. Let me fight and restore some of the honor I have lost, if that is possible.

You are good to let me carry on this way. You have already heard most of it. So, perhaps, I will not send this after all. There is nothing here that is new to you and there is no reason you should have to endure this again.

Still, I will sign it with my good wishes and affection and respect.

Drosos

Captain

5

Long seclusion had leeched the deep tan from Belisarius' skin and now he looked almost as pale as a pope or a metropolitan who spent his life in religious devotions. His eyes were exhausted but he moved restlessly as he led the way from his vestibule to the one reception room that opened onto his garden.

'I am relieved that you came,' he said to Olivia when the formalities had been observed. 'I have not been able to get any response from the Censor regarding the items that were taken from your house. For the last month the only comment they will give me about you is that the Censor has not yet made up his mind. I have no means to demand more from him.'

'You have done what you can, and more than I have any right to expect,' said Olivia, wishing she could say more safely. On her arrival she had been warned that there were many spies in his household; she would have to guard her tongue.

'It ought to be more,' said Belisarius, his frown deepening making furrows in his face. 'It shames me that I am unable to do more.'

'There is no reason it should,' Olivia told him frankly. 'I am a foreigner here, and a woman. That the Censor does not choose to act is not surprising. There are other more pressing cases requiring his attention, I am certain.' She looked up as a slave brought refreshments into the room. 'Thank you, I will take nothing.'

'You never do,' Belisarius complained with a smile.

'If things were different I might be offended. Under the circumstances, I admire your prudence.'

Olivia laughed sadly. 'It isn't that I fear what you serve. You have no earthly reason to poison me. But there are things that cause me upset, and I wish to avoid them. You have known others with antipathies to certain foods, and I am afraid I am one such.' There was, she added to herself, one thing only that nourished her and lately it had been difficult to acquire.

'You've told me that before,' he said, making the most of the conversation while the slave was still in the room. 'I am sorry, incidentally, that my wife is not feeling well enough to join us. Her malady continues. I had hoped she would recover but that hope is—' He could not finish.

'Before I leave, I would like to call upon her, if that is all right with her. It has been almost three months since I had the pleasure of speaking with Antonina and I would like to have a little time with her.'

Belisarius was able to smile fleetingly at her request. 'I will send word to her. Simones has been watching her since sunrise and doubtless he will want to have a meal and stretch his legs a bit. He's been very good to her.'

'At a time like this, his devotion must mean a great deal to Antonina.' She kept her voice neutral, for she did not want to distress Belisarius with her own misgivings about the eunuch.

'Yes. He was a gift, you know. His former master gave him to my household when his second son was made an officer at the start of my Italian campaign. The officer proved useless, but Simones has been a treasure.' His gaze was directed out the window to the garden which was coming into flower. 'I am growing nostalgic for war. That is a bad sign in an old soldier.'

Olivia leaned forward and put her hand on his forearm. 'You long for action. There is no harm in that.'

'Action? Or battle, and the blood and the thrill? It is a thrill, Olivia, that first charge when it seems that you are as invincible as the waves of the sea. Later there is the clamor and the sweat and the losses, but in that first moment, it is as marvelous as taking a beloved woman.' His expression altered. 'Do you see those roses? I planted them myself, with a rat and a fish at the roots to make them bloom more profusely.'

'They are beautiful,' Olivia said truthfully, wanting to shake Belisarius.

'You're being very patient,' Belisarius said to her, and when she started to speak, he interrupted her. 'I know you have urgent problems, and I am not doing all that I could. You have let me speak, listening and not blaming, and I owe you more than I can repay.'

'Belisarius, you don't have to—' Olivia said, hoping to spare him the embarrassment he was bringing on himself.

'I do have to,' he said. 'You are rightly concerned for your safety, and I talk about slaves and roses. You need my aid, and I have not given it.' He cleared his throat. 'All right; I will send another petition to the Censor, requesting the return of all goods taken from your house. I will ask that you be given permission to leave the city before the end of the year, and I will do all that I can to see that the requests are granted. If you do not expect a rapid decision from the Censor, I think that I will be able to obtain the documents you will need. How much of your goods I can recover is another matter.'

'I don't ask the impossible, I hope,' Olivia said, her eyes softening. 'You have your own difficulties.'

'I suppose I ought to find you another sponsor, one in better favor with the Censor, but to be honest, I would miss you, and it would be a greater capitulation than I can bear to revoke my sponsorship. As long as I am permitted to be your sponsor, I feel I have some influence, some credibility with the Imperial Court. If I lost that, it would be the same as surrendering.'

'I do not want any other sponsor,' Olivia said.

Belisarius snorted. 'You don't want a sponsor at all.'

'Yes. But if I must have one, then I would rather it be you than anyone else.' She shrugged. 'Do what you