Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

started with a slap at you from Professor Snape, who was obviously dominant over you. Instead of losing, you slapped back and lost ten points from Ravenclaw. Soon you were talking about leaving Hogwarts. The fact that you escalated even further in some unknown direction, and somehow won at the end, does not change the fact that you are an idiot.'

'I understand,' Harry said. His throat was dry. That had been precise. Frighteningly precise. Now that Professor Quirrell had said it, Harry could see in hindsight that it was an exactly accurate description of what had happened. When someone's model of you was that good, you had to wonder whether they were right about other things too, like your intent to kill.

'The next time, Mr. Potter, that you choose to escalate a contest rather than lose, you may lose all the stakes you place on the table. I cannot guess what they were today. I can guess that they were far, far too high for the loss of ten House points.'

Like the fate of magical Britain. That was what he'd done.

''You will protest that you were trying to help all of Hogwarts, a much more important goal worthy of great risks. That is a lie. If you had been -'

'I would have taken the slap, waited, and picked the best possible time to make my move,' Harry said, his voice hoarse. 'But that would have meant losing. Letting him be dominant over me. It was what the Dark Lord couldn't do with the Master he wanted to learn from.'

Professor Quirrell nodded. 'I see that you have understood perfectly. And so, Mr. Potter, today you are going to learn how to lose.'

'I -'

'I will not hear any objections, Mr. Potter. It is evident both that you need this and that you are strong enough to take it. I assure you that your experience will not be so harsh as what I went through, though you may well remember it as the worst fifteen minutes of your young life.'

Harry swallowed. 'Professor Quirrell,' he said in a small voice, 'can we do this some other time?'

'No,' Professor Quirrell said simply. 'You are five days into your Hogwarts education and already this has happened. Today is Friday. Our next defense class is on Wednesday. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday... No, we do not have time to wait.'

There were a few laughs at this, but very few.

'Please consider it an order from your professor, Mr. Potter. What I would like to say is that otherwise I will not teach you any offensive spells, because I would then hear that you had severely hurt or even killed someone. Unfortunately I am told that your fingers are already powerful weapons. Do not snap them at any time during this lesson.'

More scattered laughter, sounding rather nervous.

Harry felt like he might cry. 'Professor Quirrell, if you do anything like what you talked about, it's going to make me angry, and I really would rather not get angry again today -'

'The point is not to avoid getting angry,' Professor Quirrell said, his face looking grave. 'Anger is natural. You need to learn how to lose even when you are angry. Or at least pretend to lose so that you can plan your vengeance. As I did with Mr. Goyle today, unless of course any of you think he really is better -'

'I'm not!' shouted Mr. Goyle from his desk, sounding a little frantic. 'I know you didn't really lose! Please don't plan any vengeances!'

Harry felt sick to his stomach. Professor Quirrell didn't know about his mysterious dark side. 'Professor, we really need to talk about this after class -'

'We will,' Professor Quirrell said in the tones of a promise. 'After you learn how to lose.' His face was serious. 'It should go without saying that I will exclude anything which could injure you or even cause you significant pain. The pain will come from the difficulty of losing, instead of fighting back and escalating the battle until you win.'

Harry's breath was coming in short, panicky pants. He was more frightened than he'd been after leaving the Potions classroom. 'Professor Quirrell,' he managed to say, 'I don't want you to get fired over this -'

'I will not be,' Professor Quirrell said, 'if you tell them afterward that it was necessary. And this I trust you to do.' For a moment Professor Quirrell's voice turned very dry. 'Believe me, they have tolerated worse in their hallways. This case will be exceptional only in that it happens within a classroom.'

'Professor Quirrell,' Harry whispered, but he thought his voice was still being repeated everywhere, 'do you really believe that if I don't do this, I might hurt someone?'

'Yes,' Professor Quirrell said simply.

'Then,' Harry felt nauseous, 'I'll do it.'

Professor Quirrell turned to regard the Slytherins. 'So... with the full approval of your teacher, and in such a fashion that Snape cannot be blamed for your actions... do any of you wish to show your dominance over the Boy- Who-Lived? Shove him around, push him to the ground, hear him beg for your mercy?'

Five hands went up.

'Everyone with your hand raised, you are an absolute idiot. What part of pretending to lose did you not understand? If Harry Potter does become the next Dark Lord he will hunt you down and kill you after he graduates.'

The five hands dropped abruptly back to their desks.

'I won't,' Harry said, his voice coming out rather weakly. 'I swear never to take vengeance upon those who help me learn to lose. Professor Quirrell... would you please... stop that?'

Professor Quirrell sighed. 'I am sorry, Mr. Potter. I realize that you must find this equally annoying whether you intend to become a Dark Lord or not. But those children