Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

Harry sheepishly recited as best he could, and got almost halfway through before he realized that it wasn't smart to just go around telling the possibly-crazy Headmaster everything, at least not without thinking about it first, but then Lucius was definitely a bad guy and Dumbledore's opponent so it probably was a good idea to tell him, and Harry had already started talking and it was too late to try and calculate things out now...

Harry finished his recollections honestly.

Dumbledore's face had grown more remote as Harry went on, and at the end there was a look of ancientness about him, a sternness in the air.

'Well,' said Dumbledore. 'I suggest you take the best of care that the heir of Malfoy does not come to harm, then. And I will do the same.' The Headmaster was frowning, his fingers drumming soundlessly through the inky black surface of a plate inscribed with the word Leliel. 'And I think it would be most extremely wise for you to avoid all interaction with Lord Malfoy henceforth.'

'Did you intercept owls from him to me?' said Harry.

The Headmaster gazed at Harry for a long moment, then reluctantly nodded.

For some reason Harry wasn't feeling as outraged as he should have been. Maybe it was just that Harry was finding it very easy to sympathize with the Headmaster's point of view right now. Even Harry could understand why Dumbledore wouldn't want him to interact with Lucius Malfoy; it didn't seem like an evil deed.

Not like the Headmaster blackmailing Zabini... for which they had only Zabini's word, and Zabini was wildly untrustworthy, in fact it was hard to see why Zabini wouldn't just tell the story that got him the most sympathy from Professor Quirrell...

'How about if, instead of protesting, I say that I understand your point of view,' said Harry, 'and you go on intercepting my owls, but you tell me who from?'

'I have intercepted a great many owls to you, I am afraid,' Dumbledore said soberly. 'You are a celebrity, Harry, and you would receive dozens of letters a day, some from far outside this country, did I not turn them back.'

'That,' Harry said, now starting to feel a bit of indignation, 'seems like going a little too far -'

'Many of those letters,' the old wizard said quietly, 'will be asking you for things you cannot give. I have not read them, of course, only turned them back to their senders undelivered. But I know, for I receive them too. And you are too young, Harry, to have your heart broken six times before breakfast each morning.'

Harry looked down at his shoes. He should insist on reading the letters and judging for himself, but... there was a small voice of common sense inside him, and it was screaming very loudly right now.

'Thank you,' Harry muttered.

'The other reason I asked you here,' said the old wizard, 'was that I wished to consult your unique genius.'

'Transfiguration?' said Harry, surprised and flattered.

'No, not that unique genius,' said Dumbledore. 'Tell me, Harry, what evil could you accomplish if a Dementor were allowed onto the grounds of Hogwarts?'

It developed that Professor Quirrell had asked, or rather demanded, that his students test their skills against an actual Dementor after they learned the words and gestures to the Patronus Charm.

'Professor Quirrell is unable to cast the Patronus Charm himself,' said Dumbledore, as he paced slowly through the devices. 'Which is never a good sign. But then, he volunteered that fact to me in the course of demanding that outside instructors be brought in to teach the Patronus Charm to every student who wished to learn; he offered to pay the expense himself, if I would not. This impressed me greatly. But now he insists on bringing in a Dementor -'

'Headmaster,' Harry said quietly, 'Professor Quirrell believes very strongly in live-fire tests under realistic combat conditions. Wanting to bring in an actual Dementor is completely in character for him.'

Now the Headmaster was giving Harry a strange look.

'In character?' said the old wizard.

'I mean,' said Harry, 'it's entirely consistent with the way Professor Quirrell usually acts...' Harry trailed off. Why had he put it that way?

The Headmaster nodded. 'So you have the same sense I do; that it is an excuse. A very reasonable excuse, to be sure; more so than you may realize. Often, wizards seemingly unable to cast a Patronus Charm will succeed in the presence of an actual Dementor, going from not a single flicker of light to a full corporeal Patronus. Why this should be, no one knows; but it is so.'

Harry frowned. 'Then I really don't see why you're suspicious -'

The Headmaster spread his hands as though in helplessness. 'Harry, the Defense Professor has asked me to pass the darkest of all creatures through the gates of Hogwarts. I must be suspicious.' The Headmaster sighed. 'And yet the Dementor will be guarded, warded, in a mighty cage, I will be there myself to watch it at all times - I cannot think of what ill could be done. But perhaps I am merely unable to see it. And so I am asking you.'

Harry stared at the Headmaster with his mouth open. He was so shocked he couldn't even feel flattered.

'Me?' said Harry.

'Yes,' said Dumbledore, smiling slightly. 'I try my best to anticipate my foes, to encompass their wicked minds and predict their evil thoughts. But I would never have imagined sharpening a Hufflepuff's bones into weapons.'

Was Harry ever going to live that down?