Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

Harry Potter, on the other hand, was going to die.

'I wonder why Harry is doing this,' said General Granger in a reflective tone, as she slowly peeled the fingertips of one hand off the wall with an extended sticky sound. Her hand plopped back down again almost as soon as it was lifted. 'I'll have to ask him that after I kill him.'

It was amazing how much the two of them were turning out to have in common.

Draco didn't really feel like talking right now, but he managed to say, through gritted teeth, 'Could be revenge. For the date.'

'Really,' said Granger. 'After all this time.'

Stick. Plop.

'How sweet of him,' said Granger.

Stick. Plop.

'I guess I'll find some truly romantic way to thank him,' said Granger.

Stick. Plop.

'What's he got against you?' said Granger.

Stick. Plop.

The icy wind howled around them.

One might have thought it would feel safer to have ground under your feet again.

But if that ground was a slanted roof tiled with rough slats, which had rather a lot more ice on it than the stone walls, and you were running across it at a high rate of speed...

Then you would be sadly mistaken.

'Luminos!' shouted Draco.

'Luminos!' shouted Granger.

'Luminos!' shouted Draco.

'Luminos!' shouted Granger.

The distant figure was dodging and scrambling as it ran, and not a single shot hit, but they were gaining.

Until Granger slipped.

It was inevitable, in retrospect, in real life you couldn't actually run across icy slanted rooftops at a high rate of speed.

And also inevitably, because it happened without the slightest thought, Draco spun and grabbed for Granger's right arm, and he caught her, only she was already too far off balance, she was falling and pulling Draco with her, it all happened so quickly -

There was a hard, painful impact, not just Draco's weight hitting the rooftop but some of Granger's weight too, and if she'd hit just a little bit closer to the edge they could have made it, but instead her body tipped again and her legs slipped off and her other hand grabbed frantically...

And that was how Draco ended up holding onto Granger's arm in a white grip, while her other hand clenched frantically at the edge of the rooftop and the toes of Draco's shoes dug into the edge of a roof tile.

'Hermione!' Harry's voice shrieked distantly.

'Draco,' whispered Granger's voice, and Draco looked down.

That might have been a mistake. There was a lot of air underneath her, nothing but air, they were on the edge of a rooftop that had jutted out from the main stone wall of Hogwarts.

'He's going to come help me,' whispered the girl, 'but first he's going to Luminos both of us, there's no way he wouldn't. You have to let me go.'

It should have been the easiest thing in the world.

She was just a mudblood, just a mudblood, just a mudblood!

She wouldn't even be hurt!

...Draco's brain wasn't listening to anything Draco was telling it right now.

'Do it,' Hermione Granger whispered, her eyes blazing without a single trace of fear, 'do it, Draco, do it, you can beat him yourself we have to win Draco!'

There was a sound of someone running and it was coming closer.

Oh, be rational...

The voice in Draco's head sounded an awful lot like Harry Potter teaching lessons.

...are you going to let your brain run your life?

Aftermath, 1:

It was taking a bit of an effort for Daphne Greengrass to keep herself quiet, as Millicent Bulstrode retold the story in the Slytherin girls' common room (a cozy cool place in the dungeons running beneath the Hogwarts Lake, with fish swimming past every window, and couches you could lie down in if you wanted). Mostly because, in Daphne's opinion, it was a perfectly good story already without all of Millicent's improvements.

'And then what?' gasped Flora and Hestia Carrow.