Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

guess is that the game represents life.'

A final sheet of paper flew over his head, reading:

ATTEMPT FAILED

FAILED FAILED FAILED

AIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

CURRENT POINTS: MINUS INFINITY

YOU HAVE LOST THE GAME

FINAL INSTRUCTION:

go to Professor McGonagall's office

The last line was in his own handwriting.

Harry stared at the last line for a while, then shrugged. Fine. Professor McGonagall's office it would be. If she was the Game Controller...

Okay, honestly, Harry had absolutely no idea how he would feel if Professor McGonagall was the Game Controller. His mind was just drawing a complete blank. It was, literally, unimaginable.

A couple of portraits later - it wasn't a long trip, Professor McGonagall's office wasn't far from her Transfiguration classroom, at least not on Mondays on odd-numbered years - Harry stood outside the door to her office.

He knocked.

'Come in,' said Professor McGonagall's muffled voice.

He entered.

Chapter 14: The Unknown and the Unknowable

Melenkurion abatha! Duroc minas mill J. K. Rowling!

There were mysterious questions, but a mysterious answer was a contradiction in terms.

'Come in,' said Professor McGonagall's muffled voice.

Harry did so.

The office of the Deputy Headmistress was clean and well-organised; on the wall immediately adjacent to the desk was a maze of wooden cubbyholes of all shapes and sizes, most with several parchment scrolls thrust into them, and it was somehow very clear that Professor McGonagall knew exactly what every cubbyhole meant, even if no one else did. A single parchment lay on the actual desk, which was, aside from that, clean. Behind the desk was a closed door barred with several locks.

Professor McGonagall was sitting on a backless stool behind the desk, looking puzzled - her eyes had widened, with perhaps a slight note of apprehension, as she saw Harry.

'Mr. Potter?' said Professor McGonagall. 'What is this about?'

Harry's mind went blank. He'd been instructed by the game to come here, he had been expecting her to have something in mind...

'Mr. Potter?' said Professor McGonagall, starting to look slightly annoyed.

Thankfully, Harry's panicking brain remembered at this point that he did have something he'd been planning to discuss with Professor McGonagall. Something important and well worth her time.

'Um...' Harry said. 'If there are any spells you can cast to make sure no one's listening to us...'

Professor McGonagall stood up from her chair, firmly closed the outer door, and began taking out her wand and saying spells.

It was at this point that Harry realised he was faced with a priceless and possibly irreplaceable opportunity to offer Professor McGonagall a Comed-Tea and he couldn't believe he was seriously thinking that and it would be fine the soda would vanish after a few seconds and he told that part of himself to shut up.

It did, and Harry began to organise mentally what he was going to say. He hadn't planned to have this discussion quite so soon, but so long as he was here...

Professor McGonagall finished a spell that sounded a lot older than Latin, and then she sat down again.

'All right,' she said in a quiet voice. 'No one's listening.' Her face was rather tight.

Oh, right, she's expecting me to blackmail her for information about the prophecy.

Eh, Harry'd get around to that some other day.

'It's about the Incident with the Sorting Hat,' Harry said. (Professor McGonagall blinked.) 'Um... I think there's an extra spell on the Sorting Hat, something that the Sorting Hat itself doesn't know about, something that triggers when the Sorting Hat says Slytherin. I heard a message that I'm pretty sure Ravenclaws aren't supposed to hear. It came the moment the Sorting Hat was off my head and I felt the connection break. It sounded like a hiss and like English at the same time,' there was a sharp intake of breath from McGonagall, 'and it said: Salutations from Slytherin to Slytherin, if you would seek my secrets, speak to my snake.'

Professor McGonagall sat there with her mouth open, staring at Harry as if he'd grown another two heads.

'So...' Professor McGonagall said slowly, as though she couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her own lips, 'you decided to come to me right away and tell me about it.'

'Well, yes, of course,' Harry said. There was no need to admit how long it had taken him to actually think of that. 'As opposed to, say, trying to research it myself, or telling any of the other children.'

'I... see,' Professor McGonagall said. 'And if, perhaps, you were to discover the entrance to Salazar Slytherin's legendary Chamber of Secrets, an entrance that you and you alone could open...'

'I would close the entrance and report to you at once so that a team of experienced magical archaeologists