had been yesterday, should have be born looking as if he knew everything there was to know about sex and was already bored with most of it. 'I can too say the word sex,' he snapped childishly. 'Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex.'
And he might have proceeded in this vein for quite some time, if a voice had not unexpectedly interrupted him. 'Indeed,' it said, and Harry spun around to see Lucius Malfoy standing by the open tower door. 'I had always heard that adolescent boys talked about nothing but sex, but I had not expected quite so literal a demonstration.'
'Pansy?' Hermione demanded, her voice rising ever higher. 'Pansy PARKINSON?'
'Well,' Charlie said. 'Actually…yes.'
'Are you sure? Are you totally sure she was that — that Slytherin cow?'
Fred and George simultaneously inched their chairs away from Hermione.
Charlie, bravely, held his ground. 'Judging by her reaction, yes. We?re sure.'
'That bitch!' Hermione shrieked, banging her fist down on the table. The vase trembled. 'I can?t believe I had the chance to wring her twisted little neck yesterday and I didn?t even know! That hateful, horrible — oh, when I get my hands on her, I?ll throttle her until she turns blue! And then I?ll tear her into pieces and I?ll jump on the pieces until — until shes had enough!'
'You do that,' said George.
'Indeed,' agreed Fred. 'And if theres going to be hair-pulling, bring a camera, too.'
'Oh, shut up, Fred,' said Hermione irritably. 'Just because you?re a pervert doesn?t mean all boys like to watch girls fighting.'
There was a short silence.
'Anyone for tea?' Charlie inquired.
'I don?t want tea,' said Hermione grumpily.
'I know,' Charlie said amiably, 'but we?re all out of bitter revenge, so its either tea or nothing.'
'I?m hungry,' George opined in a hopeful tone.
'Good.' Charlie bounced up from the table. 'I?ll make some food.'
'Thats Charlie,' observed Fred cheerily. 'When in doubt, cook.'
Hermione, refusing to be cheered, continued to stare moodily at the table.
'I really wish you hadn?t told me about Pansy,' she said through her teeth.
'Took your mind off Harry and Malfoy for a second, didn?t it — ow!'
George said, breaking off as Fred punched him, none too subtly, in the arm. 'What? She was worrying!'
'And now shes worrying again!' Fred snapped, waving an arm towards Hermione as if she were a natural disaster for which George was ultimately responsible.
George was spared answering by the opening of the kitchen door. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley came in, heavily bundled up in winter cloaks, flakes of snow melting in their hair.
'Any word from Ron and Ginny?' Mrs. Weasley asked immediately, shedding her heavy cloak and dropping her gloves on the table.
'No, Mum, nothing,' said Charlie quietly. 'But…' He pointed the metal cooking spoon he was holding at the kitchen clock: both Ron and Ginnys hands stood firmly on Travelling. 'They?re obviously fine. I?m sure if either of them could Apparate, they?d have been back before Fred and George.'
'I know, I know…oh, Hermione, love, I almost didn?t see you!' Hermione felt a brief flash of guilt as Mrs. Weasley hugged and kissed her and Mr.
Weasley proffered a fatherly handshake; she knew they?d rather she was Ginny or Ron, or even Harry — they both adored Harry as if he was their own son. She was sure they were ill with worry inside, although they both hid it well. 'Are you all right, dear?'
Hermione nodded. 'I?m fine,' she said, and settled back quietly as the two elder Weasleys joined their offspring at the kitchen table. Soon enough everyone was picking at Charlies signature macaroni and cheese, which he made with chunks of garlic bread cooked in. (Hermione had always found it rather odd, although not perhaps as peculiar as Mrs.
Weasleys famous black-cherry toffee-espresso brownies, a stray crumb of which Hermione held secretly responsible for the death of Errol two years before.) No one was saying much.
The conversation was enlivened somewhat when there was another knock at the door: this time it was Lupin and Sirius, having spent the past hour installing a semi-hysterical Narcissa at the home of a family friend who had promised that his house was so well warded and so Unplottable that Lucius would never find it. They were both glad to see Hermione alive and well, although neither seemed interested in the macaroni.
'Hows everything at the Guild, Remus?' Mr. Weasley asked as Mrs.
Weasley Summoned chairs for the newcomers and they squeezed in at the table between George and Charlie.
Lupin shrugged. 'Panicked. Moodys running around shredding files.
Hes convinced all his classified documents are about to be seized by minions of Voldemort. He seems crushed that his and Dumbledores plan to stop Lucius didn?t come to anything.'
'Well, no one could have foreseen…' Mrs. Weasley said softly.
Sirius sighed. 'I know, I know, but considering how foolish I feel, I can only imagine how foolish the head of the Guild must feel about now. How are things at the Ministry, Arthur?'
Mr. Weasley looked at his wife, then back at Sirius. 'I wouldn?t know,' he said gruffly. 'Apparently I?m no longer Minister. In fact, I?m not even allowed in the building.'
'WHAT? Dad!' Charlie dropped his fork. 'You didn?t tell us that!'
Lupin spoke quietly, 'Tell us what happened, Arthur.'
Mr. Weasley sighed. 'Apparently some sort of irregularity with the votes that elected me was discovered by a few of the Council members. So I?m out of office pending investigation. And I?m not allowed in the Ministry building, because my presence might compromise that investigation. They showed me out. It was humiliating.'
Sirius glanced at Lupin. 'I remember you telling me, Arthur, that you suspected some interference with the ballots during the election. I admit I thought you were being paranoid. I?m sorry.'
Mr. Weasley waved a dismissive hand. 'Water under the bridge,' he said.
'The question is, what do we do now?'
'I think Remus and I had better go by the Ministry while we still can,'
Sirius said. 'Although I?m afraid that if I catch sight of Lucius Malfoy, I won?t be able to restrain myself from wringing his scrawny neck.'
'All that stuff he said about him being Harrys guardian — that wasn?t true, was it?' George interrupted unexpectedly. 'I mean, hes a convict, he was declared insane, how could he possible be considered a fit guardian for anyone?'
'Well, the Manor and Malfoy Park are something of a special case where legality is concerned,' Lupin said. 'That area is, in essence, like a small kingdom or medieval fiefdom, in that Lucius exerts a near-total control over everything that happens within its environs. Its a very old, familiar kind of magic, like house-elf magic, that has to do with blood ties to land and specific, localized kinds of charms. But yes, of course, those kind of ancient laws are an anachronism, not recognized by the Ministry.'
'What Ministry?' Arthur said bitterly.
'Well, exactly,' Lupin said. 'Lucius has never bothered to attempt to implement most of the old laws of the Manor, at least not since Voldemorts time, as the Ministry would have certainly stopped him.
Generations of Malfoys have pretended those laws didn?t exist, and so they?ve remained technically on the books. And those laws, of course, don?t recognize the outside jurisdiction of the Ministry, so it hardly matters whether the Council ever declared Lucius to be insane. They could have declared him legally a rodent, it wouldn?t matter.'
'I?m confused,' said George. 'Is he or isn?t he Harrys guardian?'
