departments with a raised eyebrow.
The Department of Redundancy Department
The Department for Putting Things On Top of Other Things The Department of Retroactive Continuity
The Department of Two Guys Named Vinnie
The Department for the Misuse of Muggles
Lupin blinked. 'Shouldn't that be Misuse of Muggle Artifacts?'
Sirius tossed the coffee cup over his shoulder. 'What's wrong with the directory?' He came to stand beside Lupin, smelling strongly of coffee and flowers. Lupin's nose twitched. The full moon would be on shortly, and his sense of smell was always stronger just before he changed.
'Must you use gardenia soap?' he demanded, unable to help himself.
'I asked you a question first.' Sirius scanned the directory with curious dark eyes, then laughed without amusement. 'Well, everything's arsed up properly, isn't it. Come along then. We'll just keep opening doors until we find someone who knows where we need to go.'
'That seems like it would take a long time.'
'Bollocks,' said Sirius succintly, and took off for the nearest staircase. He raced up it quickly. He still ran like he had when he was a boy: as if he were being pulled onward and upward by celestial cords. Having spent his early years not having gone much of anywhere, Sirius had always been the one who wanted to go faster, fly higher, run farther. Lupin, who could run faster than any of them, had been too frightened of his own speed to do so, and James has always been happy enough where he was. As for Peter…
Sirius paused impatiently on the landing. 'Remus, are you coming, or not?'
Lupin followed Sirius up the stairs. At the top was a long corridor, identical to hundreds of other Ministry corridors. The polished marble floors seemed to stretch into infinity, lined with oak doors. Sirius strode up to the first door, whose plaque declared it to be the Department for the Regulation of Regulations, and pushed the door open.
Inside, a small, pixie-faced witch, sitting at a desk, looked up and frowned.
Her nameplate proclaimed her to be a Miss Alice Wack. 'Can I help you?'
'I'm looking for the Department for the Regulation of Underage Wizards,'
Sirius said in his most charming voice. 'Might you be able to assist me?'
Usually Sirius' most charming voice melted the hearts of witches like chocolate in the hot summer sun, but this one looked merely nervous.
'I'm sure I don't know where that is. This is the Department for the Regulation of Ensorceled Fruits and Vegetables.'
'Actually,' said Sirius, glancing at the plaque and then back at the witch behind the desk, 'it seems to be the Department for the Regulation of Regulations. Or isn't it?'
Her flush deepened. 'I think you'd better talk to Master Malfoy,' she said.
'He's in charge of the renovation plan.'
'Bloody Lucius Malfoy,' said Sirius through his teeth. 'I'll show that maniacal bastard renovations. I'll renovate his face.'
'Please go away, sir,' said the witch. 'You're frightening me.'
Lupin pulled Sirius away from the door. 'Thank you,' he called back to the witch, 'you've been very unhelpful,' and he shut the door firmly behind them.
'Sirius, this is ridiculous. All roads lead to Lucius, you know that. I doubt there is a Department for the Regulation of Underage Wizards any more, or if there is, it's been transfigured into an espresso bar. Why are we bothering?'
But Sirius' eyes were bright with anger. This, Lupin knew, meant there would be no talking to him. He strode up to the second door on his right (Department for the Regulation of Divination, according to its plaque) and threw it open.
The office inside was empty save for a desk upon which sat an enormous crystal ball. It lit up when they poked their heads in, and spoke in a high trilling voice.
'Welcome to the Department for the Regulation of Divination,' it said.
'We were expecting your visit and have therefore elected to be out of the office.'
Sirius turned slowly to Lupin. 'This isn't going to work, is it?'
'No,' Lupin said gently. 'Look, if you like, we can look for Frances Parkinson instead. He's temporary Minister.'
'He'll be on the fourth floor in half an hour,' piped the crystal ball.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'Well, then.'
Lupin sighed. 'Off we go,' he said.
As Sirius reached for the door knob, the crystal ball piped up one last time. 'I'd tell you to have a nice day,' it announced, 'but I already know you won't have one.'
'Oh, sod off,' said Sirius sharply, and slammed the door behind them.
Upon leaving the infirmary with her books in hand, Hermione found Harry tooling around in the outside corridor with a disconsolate expression. She sighed and looked at him severely. 'If they awarded points for moping, we'd have the House Cup in the bag for this year and for several years to come,' she said.
'I can't help it,' he said. 'Oh, I found Ginny, by the way. She bit my head off. Thanks for sending me off on that fun expedition. Maybe tomorrow you can send me out to offer Snape a backrub.'
Hermione ignored Harry's sarcasm; she knew this was his way of dealing with tension. 'Bit your head off? That's not like Ginny. Are you sure you didn't misunderstand?'
Harry shrugged. 'Well, she called me an oblivious moron pig. But maybe she meant it in a nice way.'
Hermione was mystified. 'How weird. Maybe she had a fight with Seamus?'
'Possibly.' Harry did not sound as if he cared. 'Are you off to the Potions dungeon?'
'I am, actually.' They'd been taking turns helping Snape with his attempts to find the antidote, although Hermione suspected Snape neither wanted nor needed the assistance and that this was something Dumbledore had arranged to give Harry, Hermione and Ginny the impression that they were not completely useless. 'Did you want to come?' Hermione asked, beginning to walk off down the corridor.
'I can't — I'm supposed to be talking to Sirius in the common room this afternoon. I'm meant to be helping Snape tomorrow morning instead. He made me promise to show up at the crack of dawn.' Harry made a face, falling into step beside Hermione. 'I think he just wants me to miss opening presents on Christmas morning.'
'So we'll do our presents in the afternoon instead,' said Hermione, and patted his shoulder lightly. 'We can make a party out of it. It would be good if we had something cheerful to do. And besides, it wouldn't be the same opening presents Christmas morning without — '
'— Without Ron. I know,' said Harry, his eyes gone opaque.
'Harry — '
But he evaded her reaching hand. 'I'll see you later,' he said, and set off towards Gryffindor Tower.
Hermione sighed and veered the other direction, heading down the east stairs to the library to pick up the book she'd left there last night. She had borrowed it from Snape's laboratory and could imagine the heinous punishments that would be visited upon her if she lost it.
To her surprise, Ginny was in the library when she went in, sitting at one of the long wooden tables with a book open in front of her and a distant look on her face. She glanced up when Hermione sat down across from her, but her expression hardly changed. 'Hi,' she said coldly.
Hermione reached into her cloak pocket, took out the second of Blaise's barrettes, and set it down on the table in front of Ginny. 'Put this on your cloak,' she said.
Ginny looked at it with minimal interest. 'Is that one of Blaise's?' she asked.
Hermione, who had explained the story of Blaise's midnight Burrow visit to Ginny the previous day, nodded. 'Draco says they're all right.'
'Isn't that wonderful.' Ginny could not have spoken with less enthusiasm had she been describing an
