to Draco’s relief.
They sat at a long wooden plank table and drank ale and elm wine, and Lupin told embarrassing stories about Sirius’ past and the time he’d asked two different girls to meet him on the same night in the prefect’s bathroom, forgetting he had the plans with the first one when he asked the second, and they’d been so disgusted with him that they’d tied him up stark naked with Toothflossing Stringmints and left him there for the house-elves to find.
“I was not naked,” corrected Sirius, as the table erupted in laughter. “I was wearing socks.”
“Three socks, if I remember correctly,” Lupin said.
“I have no idea what you mean,” said Sirius. “None.”
“Those girls must have been very, very angry at you,” said Harry, impressed. He had a certain fear of very, very angry women himself; both Hermione and Ginny were terrifying when enraged.
“Hell hath no fury like a woman invited to an impromptu threesome in the prefect’s bathroom — not that this has ever happened to me,” said Draco. “I deplore sloppy scheduling.”
“I’m sensing a theme here,” said Ron.
“Is it ‘Enchantment under the Sea’?” Draco inquired.
Ron ignored this. “It’s women,” he said. “Women do us wrong.”
“Ah,” said Draco. “And now the much-anticipated misogynistic ranting part of the evening.” He motioned the waiter over and ordered several vodka shots in quick succession. When the waiter departed, he turned back to the table and gestured grandly towards Ron, who was glaring.
“Pray continue.”
“Women,” said Ron again, with that slight tremble of the eyebrow that meant he was very drunk indeed. “They use you. They lie to you. They leave you twitching alone in the darkness, choking on your own blood after they’ve plunged a dagger into your chest —“
“Oh, dear,” said Lupin. “You know, honestly, the worst thing a woman ever did to me was nickname me ‘Fluffy’ after she found out I was a werewolf.’”
“Women are trouble,” Sirius agreed sententiously, staring at the bottom of his empty tankard.
“Don’t say that!” said Harry. “You’re the one getting married tomorrow.”
“To my mother, I might add,” Draco pointed out, finishing his drink and reaching for another. He didn’t seem drunk yet, not to Harry at least, though there was a certain glitter to his eyes that indicated that he might be getting there.
“All except my fiancee, of course,” Sirius amended. “She is a jewel.”
“Just wait,” said Ron, jabbing a finger in Sirius’ general direction. “She’ll turn out to be a demon, or she’ll dump you for Professor Lupin —“
“Don’t drag me into this,” protested Remus.
“ — or you’ll find out she’s Polyjuiced herself into your ideal woman in an attempt to get you to commit evil acts on her behalf, or she’ll leave you for —'
“Good Lord,” said Sirius, staring at Ron, “you have had a bad time of it, haven’t you? At your age, the biggest trouble I had with girls was keeping their names straight.”
Ron didn’t say anything. He had put his head down on the table and begun snoring.
“One down,” said Harry, setting his empty butterbeer glass down on top of Ron’s head, where it balanced precariously.
“Very attractive,” said a deep voice above them. “It does add a certain je ne sais quoi.”
Harry looked up, and blinked in surprise. It was Snape, looking as batlike as ever with his pale face and sweeping black robes. Greasy dark hair hung heavily to his shoulders.
“I would have said a soupcon de gentillesse,” said Draco mildly. He was on his fifth martini. “But what do I know.”
“Greetings, Severus. Did you come to offer your congratulations to Padfoot?” asked Lupin politely.
“”What Remus means to say,” said Sirius, knocking back another swallow of firewhiskey, “is what are you doing here, Snape? Other than lurking in a foreboding manner, of course. I hope you’re not going to pull one of those Wedding-Guest-who-stoppeth-one-of-three morbid acts tomorrow.
Not that you’re precisely a wedding guest, since I don’t think I invited you.”
“That wasn’t quite what I meant,” said Lupin. “Actually.”
“My presence here is coincidental,” said Snape. “I secured lodging at the Cold Christmas Inn last night, with an eye towards being here the day after tomorrow, at Dumbledore’s request. In the interim period, I had intended to get in a bit of fishing.”
“At Dumbledore’s request?” said Draco, looking up from his drink.
“Yes,” said Snape, looking down his long nose at his favorite student. “He wanted me with him when he reversed the Polyjuice Potion’s effect on you and Potter.”
“Oh, right,” said Draco, with a marked lack of enthusiasm. “That.”
“Indeed, that.” Snape turned to Sirius. “In the meantime, I extend my congratulations to you on the eve of your happy event.”
Sirius choked on his drink. “Really?”
“Yes,” said Snape emotionlessly. “I have always liked Narcissa. If marrying you will make her happy, then my delight is boundless.”
