But none managed to make it past her mouth.
After a moment’s silence, Thalia asked, “How long have you and Sam been dating, Rosie?”
“Just under a month.” Though it felt longer. Yet in that time she’d revealed things to Sam, shown him parts of herself she hadn’t even known existed. “I’ve known him for two years though.”
Thalia leaned back and laced her fingers together, steepling her index fingers. “Forgive me if I’m getting too personal, but Sam’s a dear friend of mine. I’m concerned that perhaps he hasn’t been completely honest with you about his needs. Do you understand about his lifestyle and his association with the club?”
“He’s told me about how he became a member. And I know that you were his mentor. He said that you taught him how to be a,” she swallowed, “Dominant.”
“My dear girl, Sam needed very little training from me. He is a natural Dom.” She tilted her head. “Is there anything you’d like to ask me? Woman to woman?”
“I suppose I’m not comfortable with the idea that a woman-especially in this day and age-would allow herself to be subservient to a man. I mean, I get some of it-like being bound, even spanked, that’s…” Spectacular? Mind- blowing? “…fun. But why would a woman allow someone to drag her around on a leash and find it arousing.”
And why did she sometimes get the feeling Sam was holding back? That there were more secrets than just his membership at the club. But since she didn’t know Thalia, or her relationship with Sam, she didn’t ask that.
Thalia’s fingers tapped together twice. “Good. He has introduced you to the lifestyle, at least parts of it. Tell me, were you were aroused by it? Is that what’s scaring you-finding that you want to give up control to him.”
Rosie stared at her hands and took a deep breath before meeting Thalia’s gaze. “Why do I get so turned on by being spanked? I was raised to believe that people who were into such activities were mentally ill. Does liking a little pain make me a masochist? Or Sam a sadist? Does liking being bound mean I’m submissive?” Once the questions started, it was like someone had opened up a gate at a horse race. “Last night Sam said he was a Dominant. Does that mean he’ll expect me to get on my hands and knees and crawl like a dog, or be his footstool? Because I can’t see myself doing that.”
A grimace flickered across Thalia’s face. “That’s been disproven you know-that being a follower of the BDSM lifestyle is a mental illness? Psychiatrists these days are much more open to the lifestyle than they were. And being a Dominant doesn’t mean Sam is a sadist any more than you being a submissive, if you are a submissive, means you’re a masochist.
“What you have to realize, Rosie,” Thalia continued, “is that submission to Sam doesn’t mean he wants a slave to use as furniture or a convenient cunt. To him it’s much more personal. It’s part of his nature that he needs you to rely on him in order to feel useful. He wants to protect you and provide for you. He will take as much pleasure from caring for you as he will give you.”
“But I’ve worked so hard to prove myself independent. I don’t want to be ‘taken care of’.”
Thalia waved her hand in annoyance. “Being a submissive doesn’t mean you have to quit your job and be a nineteen fifties housewife. Many of our submissives are lawyers and doctors, male and female, professional people. They’re people who are responsible for others all day long. But when they come through the doors of La Porte Rouge, they can shrug off their burdens and let someone else be in charge for a change.
“And Dominants like Sam…well, Sam’s in a category all his own. He belongs in medieval times with a great big warhorse and battle-scarred armor. He’s a warrior, Rosie. He needs to protect people. And he needs to know they’ll let him protect them.” Thalia patted the arms of her wheelchair. “Did Sam tell you how I ended up in this thing?”
“He said you were shot by a serial killer.”
Thalia grimaced and nodded. “David Vandeburger. I wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t been for Sam that night. When David came in, he didn’t say a word. He’d shot Sam before I realized he had a gun. I could have helped them, but I didn’t. I panicked and ran. I was halfway down the hall when David shot me the first time. Then, even though he was shot, and had lost so much blood already, Sam dragged himself into the hallway and killed the bastard. If he hadn’t, I would be dead too.” Thalia’s eyes were brimming when she looked away. “I was a coward, Rosie. I ran away when I might have been able to save Jill. Yet Sam saved me anyway. I’ll never be able to repay him. Never.”
Rosie leaned across the desk and laid her hand over Thalia’s, squeezing it lightly. “You weren’t a coward, Thalia. You did what you had to in order to survive. As FBI agents, Sam and Jill’d had training to deal with intense situations like that. You can’t blame yourself for being human.”
“That’s what everyone tells me. But I still feel like I failed them both.” Thalia closed her eyes, her hands absently smoothing the folds of her skirt over her knees. “Sam was devastated by Jill’s death. He quit the FBI even before they released him from the hospital. We were all worried he might try to kill himself afterwards.
“As I said, he was devastated. He and Jill had fallen in love so quickly.” Thalia took a deep breath. “They’d never dated or anything before they were teamed up for the assignment but I’d never seen a couple so perfect for each other. They’d only come in that night to tell me they were getting married on the weekend and so wouldn’t be available for a scene I’d planned with a new trainee.”
If someone had hit Rosie in the stomach with a breeze block, the air couldn’t have whooshed from her any quicker. She closed her eyes as her world whirled right along with her stomach. She’d seen the picture of him looking adoringly at Jill, but she’d never imagined he’d planned on marrying her.
Thalia took a few breaths to gather herself again. When she looked up and met Rosie’s gaze, her eyes were clear and dry. “Sam was absolutely magnificent that day, Rosie. He saved my life; he saved a dozen other members who were there that night. People that David could have killed if he hadn’t been stopped. But Sam still blames himself for Jill’s death. And he blames himself for me being in this chair-even though I was the coward.”
“You can’t blame yourself because someone else was a sociopathic killer.” And she’d have exactly the same talk with Sam. No wonder he had been so stubborn about her not taking a bullet for him.
“So you can see why it’s important to me to see Sam finally happy. I’d hate to see you hurt him because you’re too small minded to accept his sexual needs.”
“I don’t want to hurt him.” Besides, I’d be the one with the broken heart at the end, while Sam could come here to salve his wounds. I’d have to quit Hauberk and move far away. “But this club, what it involves. I’m not sure if I can accept some parts of it.”
“Sam’s been using the club as a crutch, Rosie. You’re exactly what he needs to help him move on. We’re reminders of everything he’s lost. But even without the club, he cannot deny his sexuality.” Thalia narrowed her eyes. “What you don’t realize, my dear, is that as Sam’s partner, you are the one with the control, with the power. And if you’re an alpha submissive, or even a possible switch as I suspect you are, there will be times when you can take charge and dominate him.”
Rosie shook her head with a small laugh. “I don’t think anyone could ever dominate Sam Watson. He’s a force unto himself.”
“I think you underestimate your power over him.” Thalia leaned over and patted her hand, her sadness falling off her shoulders. “Sam needs to be challenged. He needs to learn to let his shields down again, to let someone get close to him. You’re already halfway there, if not more. You’d keep him on his toes, especially if you tie him up and flog him one day-which, by the way, is something he quite enjoys even though he’ll deny it if you ask.”
“You’re kidding?” The idea of having Sam tied up on the bed, or the bench he’d just tied her to, had her cream flowing. If she’d been wearing panties, they’d be clinging to her by now.
“No, I’m quite serious. Don’t you think he gets tired of being responsible for everyone else on occasion?” Thalia sat back in her chair and waited while Rosie processed the image, tried to figure out how she could ever convince Sam to let her tie him up. “I’m hoping that in you, he’s found a life partner. But you need to be open to learning about what Sam needs to be true to his nature. Because Sam needs someone who will not only let him take care of them but will take care of him. Heaven knows he deserves it.”
After a moment, she held up a key. “And now I’ve done my little quack therapy for today and given you something to think about, how about I show you those files?”
Chapter Twenty-Three
The day at the club had opened Rosie’s eyes to Sam’s world. It was definitely not within the realm of
