'The darkness,' she whispered in a frightened voice. Tristan had said there would be a time when he wouldn't return from the darkness.
'It's okay,' he assured her. 'I just need rest. You're keeping me busy, you know.' He laughed.
It's because of me, Ivy thought. He died because of me, and now-'Ivy, no. You can't think that way,' he said.
'But I do think that way,' she argued. 'I was the one who was supposed to die. If it weren't for me-' 'If it weren't for you, I would never have known how it is to love someone,' he told her. 'If it weren't for you, I would never have kissed a mouth so sweet.'
Ivy longed to kiss him now. 'Tristan,' she said, trembling with the sudden idea, 'if I died, I could be with you.'
He was silent. She could feel the confusion of thoughts, all the emotions tossing within him, within her.
'I could be with you forever,' she told him.
'No.'
'Yes!'
'That's not how it's supposed to be,' he said. 'We both know that.'
'Ivy got up and walked around the pavilion. His presence within her was stronger than the autumn day outside of her. When he was with her, the smell of soaked earth, the ribbons of emerald grass, and the first scarlet leaves all paled like objects on the edge of her vision.
'I wouldn't have been sent back to help you,' Tristan continued. 'I wouldn't have been made an angel if it weren't important that you live. Ivy, I want you to be mine'-she could hear the pain in his voice-'but you're not.'
'I am!' she cried out loud.
'We're on different sides of a river,' he said, 'and it's a river that neither of us can cross. You were meant for somebody else.'
'I was meant for you,'_ she insisted.
'Hush.'
'I don't want to lose you, Tristan!'
'Shhh. Shhh,' he soothed. 'Listen, Ivy, I'm going to be in the darkness soon, and it may be a while before I reach you again.'
'Ivy paced around.
'Stay still. I'm going outside of you, so you won't be able to hear me,' he told her. 'Stay still.'
Then all was silent. Ivy stood motionless, wondering. The air around her began to shimmer with gold. She felt hands touching her, gentle hands cradling her face, lifting her chin. He kissed her. His lips touched hers, actually touched hers with a kiss long and unbearably tender.
'Ivy'-she couldn't hear him, but she felt her name whispered by him against her cheek. 'Ivy.' Then he was gone.
Ivy hung a long dangle earring on each ear, wiped away a smudge of mascara beneath one eye, then took a step back from the mirror, surveying herself.
'You look hot.'
She glanced at Philip's reflection in the mirror and burst out laughing.
'You didn't pick up that” expression from Andrew. And how do you know what hot looks like, anyway?'
'I taught him.'
Ivy spun around. Gregory stood in the entrance to her bedroom, leaning casually against the door frame.
Since Eric's death nearly a week before, Ivy had felt Gregory's presence following her like a dark angel.
'And you do look hot,' he added, his eyes moving down her slowly.
Maybe I should have chosen a skirt that's not so short, Ivy thought, or a top that isn't scooped so low.
But she was determined to show the others at Suzanne's birthday party that she wasn't a depressed girl ready to choose the suicidal path everyone thought Eric had taken. Suzanne was still having her party, though it was the day after the funeral. Ivy had encouraged her, telling Suzanne it would be good for everyone-the kids from school needed to come together now.
'It's the colors. They make you hot,' Philip said to Ivy, anxious to sound as if he knew what he was talking about.
Ivy glanced at Gregory. 'Good job, teach.'
Gregory laughed. 'I did my best,' he said, then he held up his car keys and rattled them.
Ivy grabbed her own keys and purse.
'Ivy, this is silly,' Gregory said. 'Why are we going to the same place and taking two cars?'
They had already argued about her decision during dinner. 'I told you, I'll probably leave before you do.'
She picked up a wrapped gift for Suzanne and turned out the lamp on her dressing table. 'You're dating the hostess-everyone will probably leave before you do.'
Gregory smiled slightly and shrugged. 'Maybe, but if you want to leave, there will be lots of guys there glad to give you a ride home.'
'Because you look hot,' Philip said. 'Because you-' 'Thank you, Philip.'
Gregory winked at her brother. Philip jumped off her bed, using her scarf as a parachute, and scooted through the bathroom that joined his room with hers.
Gregory continued to lean against Ivy's door. 'Is my driving that bad?' he asked, stretching one arm across the doorway, blocking her exit 'If I didn't know better, I'd think you were afraid to drive with me.'
'I'm not,' Ivy said firmly.
'Maybe you're afraid of being alone with me.'
'Oh, come on,' Ivy said, walking briskly toward him and pulling his arm down. She turned him around by the shoulders and gave him a push. 'Let's get going or we'll be late. I hope your Beamer has gas.'
Gregory reached back for her hand and pulled her close to him, too close.
Ivy's heart was beating fast as they moved down the stairs-she really didn't want to ride alone with him.
She wished he weren't so attentive when she got into his car. The constant small and needless touches jangled her nerves. He kept looking at her as he drove slowly down the driveway.
When they stopped at the bottom of the ridge, Gregory said, 'Let's not go to Suzanne's.'
'What?' Ivy exclaimed. She tried to cover her growing apprehension with a show of disbelief and amazement. 'Suzanne and I have been friends since we were seven, and you think I'm skipping her seventeenth-birthday party?
Drive!' she commanded. 'To Lantern Road. Or I'm getting out.'
Gregory rested his hand on her leg and drove to Suzanne's house. Fifteen minutes later, when Suzanne answered the door, she did not appear overly delighted to see Gregory and Ivy together.
'He insisted on driving me,' Ivy said. 'He'll do anything to make you jealous, Suzanne.'
Gregory shot her a look, but Suzanne laughed, her face brightening.
'You look gorgeous,' Ivy told her friend, and gave her a hug. Ivy felt a moment of hesitation, then Suzanne hugged her back.
'Where do I stash this present?' Ivy asked as a large group of kids who had crammed themselves into a Jeep came in behind them.
'End of the hall,' Suzanne said, pointing to a table with an impressive pile of boxes. Ivy headed quickly in that direction, glad to be away from Gregory. The Goldsteins' long center hallway led to a family room that ran along the back of the house, its floor-to-ceiling windows facing a porch and the back lawn, which sloped down gently to a pond. It was a warm September night, and the party had spread out from the large room to the porch and lawn below.
Walking out on the porch, Ivy saw Beth sitting in the swing at one end, deep in conversation with two cheerleaders. The two girls were talking excitedly at the same time, and Beth's head went back and forth as if she were watching a tennis match.
