hanging in the air like icicles, the huge train motionless, pausing before it slammed her to her death.
Then hands pulled her back. The train rushed by, and the shards of glass melted into the ground. The storm had passed, though it was still dark-the kind of sky one sees just before dawn. Ivy wondered whose hands had pulled her back; they were as strong as an angel's. Looking down, she found she was holding on to Philip.
She marveled at the peacefulness surrounding them now. Perhaps it really was dawn-she saw a faint glimmer of light. The light grew stronger. It became as long as a person, and its edges shimmered with colors. It wasn't the sun, though it warmed her heart to see it. It circled Philip and her, coming closer and closer.
'Who's there?' Ivy asked. 'Who's there?' She wasn't afraid. For the first time in a long while, she felt full of hope. 'Who's there?' she cried out, wanting to hold on to that hope.
'Gregory.' He shook her awake. He rocked Ivy hard. 'It's Gregory!'
He was sitting next to her on the couch, gripping her arms. Philip stood by her other side, clutching the VCR remote.
'You were dreaming again,' Gregory said. His body was tense. His eyes searched hers. 'I thought the dreams were over. It's been three weeks-I was hoping….'
Ivy shut her eyes for a moment. She wanted to see the light, the shimmering again. She wanted to get away from Gregory and back to the feeling of a powerful hope. His words ate away at the edges of it.
'What?' he asked her. 'What is it, Ivy?'
She didn't answer him.
'Talk to me!' he said. 'Please.' His voice had softened to a plea. 'Why are you looking that way? Was there something new in the dream?'
'No.' She saw the doubt in his eyes. 'Just at the beginning,' she added quickly. 'Before I was driving through the storm, I was walking down the halls at school, and everyone was staring at me.'
'Staring,' he repeated. 'That's all?'
She nodded.
'I guess it's been hard for you the last few days,' Gregory said, gently touching her cheek with his finger.
Ivy wished he would leave her alone. With each moment she spent near him, the dream's light and its feeling of hope faded.
'I know it's hard facing all the gossip at school,' Gregory added, his voice full of sympathy.
Ivy didn't want to hear it. If she could find hope again, she didn't need his or anybody's sympathy. She closed her eyes, wishing she could block him out, but she could feel him staring at her, just like the others.
'I'm surprised your, uh, experience at the train station wasn't part of your dream,' he said.
'Me too,' she replied, opening her eyes, wondering if he knew she was holding back. 'I'm fine, Gregory, really. Go back to whatever you were doing.'
Ivy couldn't explain why she held back, except that the light seemed to be growing weaker and weaker in Gregory's presence.
'I was fixing a snack,' he said. 'You want anything?'
'No, thanks.'
Gregory nodded and left the room, still looking concerned. Ivy waited till she heard him banging around in the kitchen, then dropped down on the floor next to her brother, who was watching the movie again.
'Philip,' she said softly, 'the night at the train station, after you saved me, was there some kind of shimmering light?'
Philip turned to her, his eyes wide. 'You're remembering!'
'Shhh.' Ivy glanced in the direction of the kitchen, listening to Gregory's movements. Then she sat back against the stool and tried to sort out the images in her mind. She saw the light from her dream as if it were in the train station, on the platform, not far from Philip and her. Had she made that up, or was she finally remembering?
'What did the light do?' she asked her brother. 'Did it move?'
”Philip thought for a moment. 'He was walking around us, like in a circle.'
'That's how it was in my dream,' Ivy said. Then she turned her head and quickly put her finger to her lips.
When Gregory entered a minute later, Philip and she were sitting side by side, watching the movie intently.
'I thought some tea might help you calm down,' Gregory said, crouching down next to her, handing her a warm mug. He handed Philip a Yoo-hoo.
'Hey, thanks,' Philip said happily.
Gregory nodded and glanced back at Ivy. 'Don't you want it?'
'Uh, sure. I-it's fine-great,' she stammered, surprised by the double image that had just flashed before her eyes: Gregory as he was now and Gregory standing in her bedroom. When she took the drink from Gregory's hands, she saw him handing her another cup of steaming tea. Then she saw him as if he were sitting close to her, sitting on her bed and holding the cup to her lips, urging her to drink.
'Would you rather have something else?' Gregory asked.
'No, this is fine.' Was she remembering that night? Could Gregory have given her drugged tea?
'You look pale,' he said, and touched her bare arm. 'You're ice cold, Ivy.'
Her arm was covered with goose bumps. He ran his hand up and down it. Ivy became aware of just how strong his fingers were. Gregory had held her many times since Tristan's death, but for the first time Ivy noticed the power in his grip. He was staring beyond her now, at the television screen, at a person getting thrashed by a dinosaur.
'Gregory, you're hurting my arm.'
He released her quickly and sat back on his heels to look at her. It was impossible to read the thoughts behind his light gray eyes.
'You still seem upset,' he observed.
'Just tired,' Ivy replied. 'I'm tired of people watching me, waiting for… for I don't know what.'
'Waiting for you to crack up?' he suggested softly.
'I guess so,' she said. But I won't, she thought. And I haven't yet, despite what you or anyone thinks.
'Thanks for the tea,' she said. 'I'm feeling better. I think I'll sit while with Philip and watch these guys become dinosaur munchies.'
One side of Gregory's mouth drew up a little.
'Thanks,' Ivy repeated. 'I don't know what I'd do without you.'
He rested his hand on top of hers for a moment, then left her and Philip to watch the video. As soon as Ivy heard him climb the steps, she poured her tea into a potted plant. Philip was too engrossed in the film to notice.
Ivy sat back on the sofa and closed her eyes, trying to remember what the light was like, trying to hold on to the glimmer of hope her dream had given her.
Could it be true? Had Philip been seeing him all along? Was an angel there for her? Her eyes tingled with tears. Was it Tristan?
'Tristan?' Ivy called softly, and shivered with excitement. She had hidden in the school locker room Thursday afternoon, waiting till the swimming pool was empty and the coach had left for a faculty meeting.
Then, fully dressed, she had slipped off her shoes and climbed the thin silver ladder. Now she stood on the board high above the pool, just as she had the previous April.
Though Ivy could swim now, some of the old fear remained. She took three steps forward and felt the board flex beneath her. Gritting her teeth, Ivy stared down at the aqua water, streaked and spangled by the fluorescent lights. She would never love the water the way Tristan had, but this was where he had first reached out to her. This was where she had to try to reach back to him.
'Tristan?' she called softly.
The only sound was the steady buzzing of the fluorescent lights.
Angels, help me! Help me reach him.
