Roast Mortem

“You know what?” I said, cutting her off before I heard every private detail about poor Maria Tobinski’s medical history. “Let’s you and I go downstairs together — ”

I was forming the plan as I said the words. Mrs. Q appeared to know every little happening in Enzo’s neighborhood, and Mike’s stories of his fieldwork hadn’t been lost on me. A source like this one was too good to pass up.

“I need coffee,” I said. “Let me buy you a cup...” (I had no idea where I’d get one at this late hour, but this was a hospital; they had to have at least four things: doctors, nurses, stethoscopes, and java juice.)

Mrs. Quadrelli frowned at my offer. “Maybe I should double-check with the nurse.”

“Don’t do that!”

“Why not?”

Why not? “Because, well... it’s a secret.” I motioned her closer. “I didn’t want to say anything, but...”

“What? What?”

The woman’s entire body came awake. Her head cocked, even her pupils dilated. A gossip addict, for sure.

“The truth is,” I continued, snaking my arm around hers, “it’s not pretty. Are you sure you want to hear?”

“What? Tell me!”

“Enzo is in trouble,” I whispered, guiding her away from the ICU doors, down the hallway, toward the elevators.

“What kind of trouble?”

“Officials are investigating whether or not the fire was deliberately set.” Not a lie!

Mrs. Quadrelli looked sufficiently horrified. “What makes them think that?”

“I don’t know. But Enzo will be their prime suspect.”

“Why!”

“Because he’s the owner, of course, and the beneficiary of the fire insurance payoff. Did you know he was planning to move back to Italy? It sounds incriminating.”

“That’s just talk! His daughter will tell you. He’s been saying that for years, but he never goes through with it!”

We actually made it to the elevators. I pushed the down button. “So you’re saying Enzo had no concrete plans to leave the country?”

“None. Not before the fire, at least. Now things have changed though, haven’t they? I mean, with the caffè up in smoke.”

“I see. So you think he’ll bank the insurance money and finally retire to Italy?”

“I certainly hope so because I intend to go with him.”

I gaped at her. “You plan to move to Italy? With Enzo?” This has to be news to him.

“Don’t look so surprised, Miss Cosi, my husband was born in Italy, so I’ve been there quite a few times already. I just wish it had been more. For years, you see, we ran a restaurant together on Thirtieth Avenue — ”

“You’re divorced?”

“Bite your tongue! I’m a widow. The restaurant business killed my husband! Put him into an early grave... But that’s behind me now. And the fire can be behind Enzo soon, too.”

She exhaled, gaze turning glassy. “It’s been years since I’ve toured Italy, but it is a beautiful place, and I know I’d love to retire there. Enzo and I could set up a very nice little home near his two sisters.”

“You don’t sound very broken up about the fire.”

“After Enzo gets out of this wretched place and we’re all settled in Italy, he’ll see it’s really a good thing his business went up in flames...”

I blinked, recalling the masterpiece of a mural the man had spent half a lifetime creating — not to mention his spotless floor, polished tables, meticulously maintained espresso machine — and wanted to punch this donna pazzesca right in the nose.

“Now, Mrs. Quadrelli,” I managed through gritted teeth, “why would you say such a thing?”

“The man is over seventy! He should retire already, enjoy his life, not spend every waking hour making silly coffee drinks!”

Bing! Bing! I had two words for this woman: “Elevator’s here!” Those weren’t it.

Four endless stories of pointless babble later, we reached the hospital’s ground floor.

“Come with me to the waiting room,” I said, deciding something that very second. “I’ll get us coffee and you can talk to the police officer.”

“Police officer!”

“Shhhh...”

“What’s a police officer doing here?”

“That’s what I was trying to tell you. I went up to warn Enzo that the officials were looking into the fire being suspicious, so he shouldn’t say anything to incriminate himself.”

“Oh! I see!”

“And you can help, too.”

“How?”

“Well, to start with, you can back me up when I tell this officer that Enzo can’t see any more visitors this evening.”

Mrs. Quadrelli’s head bobbed like an eager parrot. Inside of ten minutes, I’d transformed the woman from suspicious shrew to co-conspirator. Even Mike would be impressed, of that I was certain — what I wasn’t so certain about was his reaction to the way I was about to use him.

Ten

“Excuse me, Officer?”

Amused blue eyes peeked over newsprint.

I never called Mike officer. I sometimes addressed him as detective in a teasing way, which was why I wasn’t surprised to see the beginnings of a smile behind the man’s New York Times.

“This is Mrs. Quadrelli,” I quickly added in serious staccato. “I brought her down from the ICU to verify that Enzo is not available for an official interview at this time.”

“That’s right! Ms. Cosi is right!” Mrs. Quadrelli’s beetle-brown head began bobbing again. “Lorenzo is undergoing tests. He can have no visitors. None at all, certainly not you.”

Mike shifted in his yellow plastic waiting room chair, set the newspaper down, and regarded us, his amused expression fading into one of guarded confusion.

Mrs. Quadrelli frowned at Mike’s off-track expression. “You are a police officer, aren’t you?” She turned to me. “Did he ever show you his identification, Miss Cosi? You can’t be too careful these days.”

I met Mike’s eyes. “Officer, let me explain: This woman is a friend of Enzo’s. As I told you earlier, I don’t live in Queens, but Mrs. Quadrelli here might have some ideas about who set that fire because I’m sure it wasn’t Enzo.”

“That’s right,” she said. “Enzo would never set fire to that caffè. He was attached to it. Too attached if you really want to know.”

I cleared my throat. “So, Officer, if you’d like to ask questions about who might have had a motive to burn the place down, Mrs. Quadrelli here might be