Mr. Darcy Takes the Plunge

PART VI Nervous Fiancée or Bride and Pre-Jitters A tribute to Austen’s Pride and Prejudice

Chapter I The Mourning After the Night Before

Matlock Manor, the morning after the ball, had been completely put back to rights by the household staff. There was no evidence hundreds had been revelling there only hours previously, except for the fact a fair portion of the company was, in fact, still under the Earl’s roof. The family wing and guest chambers were all quiescently occupied, and those carousers who feared they might suffer from being hung over in the morning simply circumvented the problem by sleeping well past noon.

Fitzwilliam Darcy stayed overnight because he and his cousin, Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam, planned to call on their brides-to-be as soon as propriety allowed; and it was of relative importance the ladies upon whom they were to call just happened to be sisters. The two young men hoped they might be the first to break their fasts but were dismayed to find Richard’s elder brother, the Viscount Wentletrap, still attired in his evening clothes, slumped at the table. Upon observing his sibling’s unkempt appearance and fragile condition, Fitz made a point of speaking more loudly than necessary. “Well, well, Darce, look what the early bird left us. Brother, I am surprised to discover you here, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, after the batch of blue ruin you imbibed last night.”

The wretched, bleary-eyed man flinched, forced some coffee down his throat, and retorted, “Yes, well, I may have bowed to the porcelain altar of my chamber pot; but you two cork-brained buffoons will soon be paying a much, much higher price.”

Darcy sat several places away from his loathsome cousin, who was decidedly green around the gills. He knew he should ignore the cynic. Nevertheless, like the bird sitting on a perch, he smelled something fishy and asked, “What cause have you to make such a caustic remark, James?”

“You have heard of sacrifices made at the altar, have you not?” He sniggered unpleasantly and continued, “Love may be blind; but, believe me, marriage is a real eye-opener and a rather nasty matter of wife and debt. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.”

With neither rhyme nor reason, his affronted brother sat back in his chair, glared and declared, “James, you may be the all-important heir, but beware and have a care. I am aware your intent is to scare; but I swear by the air I breathe, you err. How dare you unfairly compare your patched-up affair and sorry excuse of a marriage ensnared to that which the fair Miss Bennet and I will e’er share. We shall be a rare happily wed pair, for she is the answer to my every prayer. Jane Bennet is an angel!”

“Ha! You are lucky then. Unfortunately for me, Isabelle is still alive. Oh, do not give me that superior look, Darce. Your love for Miss What’s-Her-Name is also an obsessive delusion that shall soon enough be cured by marriage.”

Darcy very much looked forward to wedding his lovely fiancée and proving James wrong; and so he argued, “A man is incomplete until he marries.”

The Viscount slapped his palm on the table, winced, and cried, “Absolutely! For then he is quite finished! Have you not heard An Ode to Marriage? He goes to a-dore. He rings the belle. He gives his name to a maid, and he is taken in.”

Darcy rolled his eyes and said, “I am truly sorry you are unhappy, cousin. Having often witnessed the sharp words you have spoken to your wife, I actually pity … ”

“Yes, yes! My words have to be sharp. It is the only way to get them in edgeways when that piece of baggage is raising a breeze. Excuse me, I am unwell.” He quickly scraped back his chair and fled the room to kneel and pay homage once again at his porcelain altar.

Fitz shook his head as he watched his unfortunate brother stumble from the room. “Poor James. He has made his bed, now he must lie in it.”

Darcy calmly buttered a muffin and added, “Yes, when he married Isabelle, he increased his lie-ability.”

“Ha! Someone here has been spending too much time with a certain family fond of wordplay. Speaking of our future in-laws, after last night’s … state of affairs, I am uncertain of my reception in their home. I shall have to meet soon enough with Mr. Bennet to discuss a settlement. Still and all, what Jane and I really need right now is a chance for a lengthy, private conversation about our future together. Since I do not believe Jane’s parents trust me so far as they could throw me, perhaps it would be best if you suggest a joint walk in the park with our lovely brides-to-be.”

“Just what was the state of affairs to which you refer? Despite what you told Bingley in the library last night, I had not an inkling any attachment or understanding had been formed between you and Miss Bennet until the announcement of your rather sudden engagement.”

Colonel Fitzwilliam squirmed uncomfortably in his chair and refused to meet the other man’s eye. Darcy set his knife down, wiped buttery fingers on a napkin, and glared at his cousin. “Richard, please do not tell me you acted in an ungentlemanly manner toward my virtuous future sister.”

“Fine, I will not tell you. I must admit I obviously not only lost my heart to Jane Bennet but apparently my head as well. She is … ” Darcy smirked at the lovesick expression on heroic Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam’s face and hoped his own countenance never showed such sappy emotion. “ … absolutely intoxicating. Not only is my Jane beautiful, kind, warm, serene, and generous; behind that demure surface, she is also rather brazen, has a diverting sense of humour, and is quite … passionate.” At Darcy’s look of alarm, Fitz’s infatuation gave way to sheepishness as he continued, “We were delightfully and obliviously engaged in a rather erotic kiss when Aunt Anne, Anna, and Anne unfortunately happened upon us. I had a fine peal rung over me by my father, then Mr. and Mrs. Bennet arrived, and subsequently Jane and I became … otherwise engaged as well.”

At once both appalled and envious, Darcy wondered if his Elizabeth might be receptive to an amorous kiss. He was quite confident she also had a passionate nature but was uncertain if she would be willing to allow him a taste of it before their wedding.

“Well, once again, please accept my congratulations, Fitz. I obviously do not need to tell you Miss Bennet is a lovely woman. In fact, I am not sure you deserve such a treasure. Although it is certainly none of my business, do you regret being forced to marry her?”

“Good God, man! No, of course not! I was first attracted to her beauty and gentle nature at Pemberley. Back then I assumed Bingley and Miss Bennet had fallen in love at first sight. Since I, being a second son and soldier, had less to offer her than our infatuated friend, I stepped aside. When I later came to realize she admired me, I feared it might only be the uniform that attracted her regard. I was wrong. We are not being forced to wed. We are in l-l-l- … ” The fearless soldier gulped and turned red. “ … in l-l-l … We are, in l-l-light of the situation, very fortunate to feel as we do for one another; and the engagement is very much to our mutual satisfaction.”

Darcy smirked and said, “Yes, well, thank you for (ahem) en-l-l-lightening me. Now, eat something. I wish to be underway as soon as possible, and I will suggest a walk in the park. As much as I enjoy their company, I also look forward to some time with Elizabeth away from the rest of her family. Being with her is, well, a walk in the park, a piece of cake, easy as pie … ”

“Enough! I am hungry and suddenly crave something sweet.”

“Shall we have the carriage brought ’round, then?”

Fitz nodded. The two young men grabbed some pastries and scarfed them down on their way to visit two sweet ladies at the Bennet townhouse.

Because of the lateness of the hour – or earliness, depending on how you looked at it, as dawn had been