in the use of new weapons. My arsenal will soon only consist of weapons for a literary war, such as the witty zinger and the pithy barb. Gentlemen, the pun is here to slay.”
The others groaned, and the Earl of Matlock cast his eyes to the ceiling and shook his head.
Lord Matlock and Thomas Bennet walked unsteadily together toward the billiard room, and the former suggested his eldest son join them. James declined because he liked to play cards, though his father had been nagging him to re-deuce the amount of time spent gambling. Fitzwilliam Darcy knew of the Viscount’s checkered past and challenged him instead to a game of chess. The board was set up in front of the fireplace; and while they played, Darcy was surprised to hear his cousin speak glowingly of his expectant wife, Isabelle. Not to be outdone, the groom warmly praised Elizabeth, his lovely fiancée with the sparkling, intelligent eyes. Bingley came over to watch the match; but because of their proximity to the hearth, he soon became overheated and also grew tired of listening to chess nuts boasting by an open fire. If asked for an opinion, Charles would have favoured Miss Elizabeth Bennet as the more beautiful of the two women being discussed. The truth was plain and simple: Isabelle was plain, and her husband was simple.
Before retiring for the night, some of the older gentlemen gave the grooms a few words of advice. Thomas Bennet’s speech was a trifle slurred as he said, “Gentlemen, I offer you a small pearl of wishdom that has served this old married man well through the years. Can you guessh the three magic words you must use to ensure a happy and healthy marriage?”
Both were rather reluctant and embarrassed to voice the words aloud; nevertheless, his two sons-in-law, Fitzwilliam Darcy and Richard Fitzwilliam, dutifully gave the obvious answer in unison. “I love you?”
“Excellent answer! Please feel free to shay those words to my daughters often, but the three I recommend mosht are
Edward Gardiner rather gleefully pointed out the fact that had actually been four words and then saluted the three young men with his glass of port. “Here’s to a good sense of humour and a short memory.”
As they all staggered their way upstairs, Richard asked his older brother whether he had any advice for domestic felicity. James put his arm around his sibling’s shoulder and answered, “Sorry, Rich. As far as I know, the secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”
The ladies, having long since retired, were not, however, all asleep in their own bedchambers. Lady Anne engaged an apprehensive Georgiana in a heart-to-heart conversation about matters of the heart and other hearty organs. Jane, Lizzy, Mrs. Bennet, and Mrs. Gardiner gathered in Jane’s room for a further discussion of what the brides could expect the following night and during their marriages in general. Mrs. Bennet hoped the physical side of their relationships would be as pleasurable as hers had been with her dear husband of twenty-two years, and she had already given her two eldest daughters separate talks on that aspect of married life soon after their engagements.
During that earlier preparatory tutelage, Elizabeth had been flummoxed. “Mama! You were in the middle of explaining wifely duties and marital relations and abruptly changed the subject. What is this nonsense about not having to settle for only a missionary position? I am getting married and am not at all interested in spreading God’s word in a foreign, heathen country. Not once has Fitzwilliam mentioned our taking on such a mission. In fact, he would most likely consider it quite beneath him. Although it may imply we are wrapped up in ourselves, I cannot imagine he and I ever being satisfied in doing such a deed.”
Mrs. Bennet had set her straight on the matter but had difficulty keeping a straight face while doing so, and she also assured Lizzy she
Although Lizzy was still a tad uneasy and Jane eager, their mother was more concerned with their emotional well being. “Girls, I am giving you some literature I hope you will consult. The first two are
Elizabeth said, “I have already read Wollstonecraft and have even discussed the work with Fitzwilliam. I am entering into marriage with a man who respects women and considers us rational beings worthy of education. Lady Anne has been a strong influence in his life, and he cares very deeply for his sisters and wants them to be well- rounded individuals. If we are to be blessed with a daughter, I know he will feel the same about her. Fitzwilliam will be an excellent father.” Having voiced her thoughts, Elizabeth began to relax again and look forward to a happy life with a wonderful man.
Madeleine Gardiner hugged her and remarked, “Lizzy, you are very fortunate to have found such a fine gentleman. Then again, men are like coffee: the best ones are rich, warm … and can keep you up all night long.”
Jane and Elizabeth coloured and laughed; and the former exclaimed, “Aunt, I am shocked! But you still have my deepest affection. Lizzy and I are both ever sensible of the warmest gratitude towards you. By taking us into Derbyshire, you have been the means of uniting us with the very special men we shall wed tomorrow. We never wanted to marry solely for status or for the matri-money; and your marriage, and Mama and Papa’s, influenced our hope we could really marry for love. Thank you both for setting perfect examples.”
Mrs. Bennet exclaimed, “Oh, my dear Jane, no marriage is perfect. We all have our share of vexation, so please do not enter the married state with expectations of perpetual bliss and perfection. Arguments will certainly occur; so take my advice, and never go to bed angry. Just go to bed with him … a lot.”
“Mama!”
“I am teasing, Jane. Yet, truthfully, never go to bed angry. Always stay awake and argue until your husband realizes you are right.”
“Mother!”
“I am sorry for being so silly. You have found a gentleman who loves you very much, dear; and I am sure your Richard will be a sensible husband willing to discuss, understand, and respect your views.”
Jane nodded in agreement and decided to share a story she had recently heard from him. “Although Viscount Wentletrap and his wife are now behaving in a more civil manner toward one another, my future brother and sister- in-law were not always so thoughtful. Richard told me of the time he was traveling by carriage with them to Rosings Park, and the couple said not a word to the other for many miles. Before departing, they had been involved in a rather nasty argument; and both stubbornly refused to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the Viscountess sarcastically asked, ‘Relatives of yours, James?’ Her husband replied, ‘Yes, my in-laws.’”
Their laughter filtered out into the hallway; and as the Viscount stumbled toward his wife’s bedchamber, he wondered what in the world the ladies found so vastly amusing at that ungodly hour of the night.
Elizabeth Bennet was in a bed, under his roof, so near and yet so far. The union would take place in a matter of hours, yet Fitzwilliam Darcy wanted her as his wife then and there. He paced in his bedchamber, restless with unexpended energy, unfulfilled needs, and vascular congestion. Lusty yawns aside, he doubted he would sleep at all that night and knew it would be extremely hard in such a turgid state of frustration. His ravenous appetite was aroused; and although that hunger would not be sated, perhaps there was something he could do about a craving for something sweet and warm. Darcy headed for the kitchen and the desired hot chocolate.
As he had expected, workers were still astir; and loyal Mrs. Reynolds was on hand to supervise last minute arrangements. When the housekeeper inquired why he had not simply rung for a tray, Darcy replied, “Well, in addition to having a hard … time getting to sleep, I was hor … horribly hungry and also wanted to check on preparations for tomorrow.”
“Sir, I assure you everything is proceeding as it should. You must not concern yourself with such matters. It is very late, and you should be asleep. Now, what can I fetch for you?” Once his request was made, Mrs. Reynolds prepared his hot chocolate just the way he preferred it and set the mug before her young master at the large wooden table.
“Mrs. Reynolds, will you and Mr. Reynolds be at the wedding ceremony?”
