'This Selkirk,' he jibed, 'were you his bum boy?'
[At the time I didn't know what he was talking about. I always was, and have been ever, a devoted admirer of the fairer sex, but after you have made the acquaintance of men like Christopher Marlowe, you really can't trust anyone. Oh, yes, I knew Marlowe the playwright and helped him stage his play Edward II. Poor Kit! A good poet but a bad spy. I was with him, you know, when he died. Stabbed to death in a tavern brawl over a pretty boy.]
Ah, well, I had to leave Le Coq d'Or and found myself penniless, freezing in a Paris alleyway without baggage or silver. I thought of going to St Denis, but to what use? More pressing was the need to find shelter, food and extra clothing. I thought of following Joachim but I felt tired, exhausted after my beating. Somehow, my visit to the Sign of the Pestle had caused the attack on me so I dared not go back there. I crouched in that alleyway and prayed for Benjamin to come.
Poor old Shallot! Alone in Paris, in a foreign city on the brink of winter, penniless, hungry, with not an item I could call my own except the clothes I stood up in. At first, I lived on my wits. I became a story-teller: painting my face, filching a gaudily embroidered robe and, not being versed in the French tongue, pretending I was a traveller lately returned from seeing the fables of India and Persia. I took a position on the edge of one of the bridges across the Seine and told, in halting fashion, stories about forests so high they pierced the clouds.
'These,' I cried, 'are inhabited by horned pygmies who move in herds, and who are old by the time they are seven!'
I earned a few sous so I became more fantastical, maintaining I had met Brahmins who killed themselves on funeral pyres; men with monkeys' heads and leopards' bodies; giants with only one eye and one foot who could run so fast they could only be caught if they fell asleep in the lap of a virgin. As the days passed, my wits sharpened and my command of the tongue improved, as did my stories. I had met Amazons who cried tears of gold, panthers which could fly, trees whose leaves were made of wood, snakes three hundred feet long with eyes of blazing sapphire.
At last both the sous and the stories ran out so I sold the cloak and gathered a few objects: bones, shards of pottery and the occasional rag. I became a professional relic-seller. The proud possessor of a fragment of the Infant Jesus's vest, a toy he had once played with (Benjamin would have been proud of that), and a hair from St Peter's beard which could cure the ague or a sore throat. I had the arm of Aaron and, when someone burnt that as a joke, changed my tale and said the ashes were from a fire over which the martyr of St Lawrence died. I earned a few sous but not enough. Paris was full of rogues, card-sharps, brigands, footpads, dice-coggers, pimps, ponces, horse- stealers, bruisers, coin-clippers -the true children of wing-heeled Mercury, the lying patron of thieves and politicians. In a word, the competition became too intense and, in the reeking runnels and smelly alleyways of Paris, I began to starve.
Now Paris may well be the inspiration of poets and troubadours but I don't remember it as the fabled Athens of the West. All I recollect is a grey, sombre sky and the dark Seine rushing under the bridges; tall, sharp-gabled houses which sprang up from the cobbles and leaned crazily together, storey thrust out above storey; the narrow, winding streets of the Latin Quarter; the pell-mell of ascending gables and tinted roof tiles, the gables of their lower storeys sculpted into fantastic shapes of warriors or exotic animals. Oh, yes, I got to know these well as I slunk past like a hungry fox in a deserted kitchen yard. Above me, the gaily painted signs of the taverns and food shops creaked in the wind and mocked my hunger. At each crossroads the stone fountains with their precious supply of water were guarded by men-at-arms. On one occasion I stopped to pray before the statue of a saint at a street corner and noticed the lamp burning before it. I stole the candle from its socket and sold it for a crust of bread and a stoup of water from an ale wife.
The fourth Sunday in Advent came and went. Benjamin had told me he would return to Le Coq d'Or; every morning and each evening I went there but no Benjamin. I cursed him for a fool. I tried to speak with the landlord but was driven off for what I seemed – a ragged, evil-smelling beggar. My mind, once sound as a bell, became muddled and confused. I thought I saw Selkirk and his damned doggerel tripped through my brain:
Three less than twelve should it be, Or the King, no prince engendered he!
[The vicar wipes away a tear. The bastard had better not be laughing!]
I slept in graveyards or along the steps of the churches and woke hollow-eyed and sick with hunger to the oaths of the men-at-arms, the mocking jeers of cheapjacks and mountebanks, the clatter of hooves and the crazy jangle and flurry of hundreds of city bells. London reeks but Paris is much worse. The stench there is terrible; the alleys and streets caked with mud and shit, and made more pungent by other offal which smelt as if barrels of sulphur had been spilt along every alleyway.
I lived as a beggar, scrounging what I could, but then winter came, not only early but cruelly, one of the sharpest, coldest winters for decades. The roads became clogged and food in Paris began to run out. Even the fat ones, the lords of the soil, the truculent men-at-arms and the tight-waisted, square-bodied wives of the bourgeois, began to starve. The markets became empty and what food was left in Paris was prized more highly than gold. The old died first, the beggars and the maimed; they just froze as they leaned gasping against urine-stained walls. Then the babies, the young and the weak. Snow fell in constant sharp, white flurries. The Seine froze over and the nearby forests, usually a source of food, now gave birth to a new nightmare. Great, shaggy-haired, grey wolves banded together, left the frozen darkness of the trees and crossed the Seine in packs, to hunt in the suburbs. They attacked dogs and cats and savaged and maimed the crippled beggars. They even dug up graveyards, dragging out the freshly interred bodies. A curfew was imposed, archers armed with loaded arbalests patrolled the streets and thick webs of chains were dragged across the entrances to the main thoroughfares.
I thought I was safe. I was weak with hunger but I had a knife and I could still move round the city. Naturally, I heard the stories and one morning saw a bloody trail of gore where the wolves had attacked and dragged away an old beggar woman who used to squat on the corner of the Rue St Jacques. One night I was in an alleyway, nothing more than a narrow, darkened trackway. The night sky was brilliant and the stars seemed to wink like precious stones against the velvet darkness; the streets, carpeted by ice and hard snow, shimmered and glowed under the pale moonlight. I had fallen asleep, squatting behind a buttress of the church of St Nicholas long after curfew, my lips blue, my teeth chattering with the cold.
I cried out with the pain which seemed to turn my body from head to toe into one raw, open wound. For the hundredth time I cursed Benjamin and wondered desperately what had happened to him. I walked in a daze trying to keep warm as strange fantasies plagued my mind: Selkirk chanting in a field of white roses all stained by blood; my mother crouching on a step as she used to when I would play and run to her – but, when I drew closer, she was an old cripple, eyes open, face frozen blue. She just toppled over as I touched her.
I walked on, trying to keep warm. The streets were black, the cobbles rough beneath their carpet of ice and a bitter, cruel wind whipped the snow into sudden flurries. I saw a group walking towards me through the ashen darkness. They were leper women, unfortunates from the hospital of St Lazaire, a dozen withered, hideous creatures, embodying foulness and decay. They gathered their filthy, scant rags about them and screamed at me to go away, their putrid breath freezing on their blue lips. I wandered down the Rue de la Carbiere then I heard the first soul-searing howl: the wolves were back in Paris, hunting for whatever they could find.
The hairs on the nape of my neck tingled and my tired heart lurched with fear. I hurried on, slipping on the black ice, cursing and praying, hammering at the doors I passed but I was so cold I could hardly cry out. Again the howl, nearer, more drawn out, chilling the heart as well as the blood. I turned, like you do in a nightmare, and down the years the vision of terror I glimpsed still springs fresh in my mind. The long track wound behind me, past dark, high-gabled houses, the hard-packed snow winking in the ivory moonlight. At the far entrance of the street emerged one huge, horrible shape, dog-like, massive and sinister. It just stood there, then others came, massing in the darkness, ears pointed, high-tailed, the fur on their backs raised in awesome ruffs.
Lord, I screamed and ran, heart thudding, my throat so dry it constricted. I wanted to vomit and would have if my belly had not been so empty. I screamed: 'Aidez-moi! Aidez-moi!’
I prayed, promising to give up wine, warm tits and marble white buttocks. (You can see how desperate I was!) Behind me the wolves howled as if sure of their prey and calling others to join them for their banquet of good English beef. I flew past barred doors and shuttered windows. Nothing but silence greeted my cries. As I hurried I heard the scrabbling patter of the wolves closing in. Another chilling howl and I could have sworn I smelt their hot, sour breath. [Oh, by the way, I have been chased by wolves on two occasions. A few years later in the ice-packed
