So I opened the door and, being a gentleman, said, “After you.” I prefer elevators actually. But I really wanted to check out her butt, and that’s hard to do in an elevator.
Over her shoulder, she said, “‘Refreshing’was the word Jason used to describe you.” She paused before she confided, “Allow me to let you in on a secret. The bane of Jason’s existence is that people are always telling him what they think he wants to hear.”
“You mean kissing his ass because he’s worth three or four billion dollars?”
“That’s a way of putting it, yes.” In addition to her more apparent perfections, Tiffany appeared to be highly educated, had great elocution and diction, was impressively well-mannered and -behaved. She was like the human version of a French poodle. Her butt, incidentally, was definitely worth three flights of stairs. She added, “The truth is, Jason Morris is a very normal guy. People don’t think of a billionaire being just a regular Joe, but he is.”
“Boy, life’s really unfair, isn’t it?” I shook my head and she shook her head. I said, “Hey, what’s Jason’s favorite football team?”
“I… well, I’m not sure he has… Actually, Jason doesn’t watch sports on TV.”
“His favorite beer?”
“Jason’s quite health conscious and abstains from beer.” She peered back over her shoulder and said, “But if you’re implying he’s a stuffed shirt, he’s not.”
“No?”
“He is actually a fairly well-known wine aficionado. Wine and Cheese magazine did a recent spread on his collection… Perhaps you saw it?”
“No. But thanks for reminding me to renew my subscription.”
She was shaking her head and chuckling as we left the stair-well and crossed a hallway. Then we were passing through a complex with seven or eight desks manned by secretaries, most of whom had two or three computer screens positioned in front of them, and all of whom were talking into phones or furiously tapping on keyboards. One couldn’t help but be astonished by any guy who kept a whole squad of secretaries and twenty or thirty computers busy. I have one legal assistant, and she spends half her time chatting on the phone with her buddies. I haven’t got a clue what she does the rest of the time.
We walked down a short hall that led to a pair of shiny black doors. Tiffany shoved them open and shoved me inside.
The room was mammoth. Jason Morris was seated at the far, far end behind a huge, huge circular white desk. Ten computer monitors cluttered the surface. He glanced in my direction, shot a finger in the air, then went back to typing and talking at a staccato pace into a speakerphone, saying something about derivatives being overpriced, market curves being off, and so forth. I got dizzy watching him. Everything in the room was high tech. The chairs looked like carved bowls. The three or four large paintings hung on the walls looked like an elephant puked colors on a canvas. The carpet was striped black and white in a swirling pattern, matching the colors of the furniture, like some monster zebra crawled in here and died.
My personal tastes run toward the traditional, but the room made a statement in a sort of hyper-modernist way that I guess was appropriate for a leading-edge company. Jason hung up and popped out from around his desk. He wore jeans and a sweater over a white undershirt. I wore my brand-new navy blue Brooks Brothers suit. I felt like an idiot. Again.
“Sean, good to see you again,” he said, thrusting out a hand. “I’m glad you could cut loose and join me.”
“Well, it was a tough choice. I was really anticipating another box lunch with a roomful of accountants.”
“Really?
“They promised we could discuss debentures and currency indexing.”
He laughed. “Rough down there, huh?”
“They’re leaving no number unturned.”
Even as we were chatting he was swiftly guiding me toward a glass table at the other end of the room. In fact, my ass was just hitting the seat when the black doors blew open and two waiters raced in shoving a cart. Amazing.
Jason said to me, “I hope you don’t mind, I ordered for you. You strike me as a meat-and-potatoes guy.”
I wasn’t sure how to take that.
Anyway, we sat and studied each other as the waiters swiftly threw down placemats and silverware and dishes and condiments. It struck me that Jason was a time freak; one of those guys born with an amphetamine stuffed up his ass. It further struck me I wasn’t really here because Jason thought I was a jolly good fellow he wanted to get to know better. His notion of deep, long-lasting friendships was probably an exchange of business cards.
Before the waiters could even back away from the table, Jason was cutting up his meat. Chop, chop, like in one of those Japanese steak houses. Incredible.
He glanced up and said, “I like your idea for dealing with this Nash thing, incidentally. It’ll drive Sprint and AT amp;T nuts.”
“Let’s hope.”
“Let’s do. A lot’s riding on it.” He pointed his fork at me and added, “Funny that nobody else thought of it. Must be your background in criminal law.”
“How’s that?”
“Make the prosecutor prove everything… isn’t that how you guys think?”
“Sometimes… unless you suspect he can.”
He regarded me a moment and then chuckled. He said, “Nash was completely out of the picture. But you can’t prove a negative, right?” Before I could respond to that, he added, “Actually I didn’t ask you up here to talk about Nash.”
“Then what are we here to discuss?”
“You.” He paused a moment, then said, “You impress me.”
“Then I wish you’d put a word in with my boss. He hates me.”
He chuckled again. “I’ll do better.”
“How’s that?”
He stuffed two slices of steak between his lips and I’ve seen pythons chew longer. He said, “We’d like you to consider joining us.”
“Us?”
“Us… Morris Networks. Jessica’s been looking for a hotshot attorney for a year. She thinks you’re perfect.”
“Go on.”
“It’s simple. Jessica has never been completely satisfied with your firm. They do some things well, but she thinks their lack of criminal experience makes them myopic.”
“If you live in the tropics, don’t buy winter coats. What makes you think you need a criminal lawyer?”
He put down his knife and fork. His plate was completely empty. I was chewing my third bite.
He said, “Isn’t it true criminal lawyers have a different mindset?”
“I suppose.”
Before he could say another word the black doors blew open and a waiter raced in, shoving another cart. A huge chocolate cake was on top.
Jason pointed at the cake. “Dark Side of the Moon. It’s made by a bakery up in New Jersey called Classic Desserts. The guy who runs it’s a genius. Genuine Belgian chocolate they make themselves. Try some. I have them fly down two a week.”
As I mentioned, the rich do indeed have queer ways. How the waiter knew to enter at the precise instant when Jason put down his fork was mystifying. I searched for a hidden camera as the waiter swiftly cleared the table of dishes and threw a slice of cake in front of each of us. The world was rotating at 78 RPM inside this room. I dug into the cake, trying to get something in my stomach before Jason threw me out on my ass. He was right, incidentally- the cake was terrific.
He said, “Sean, it’s your mindset we want. In house, we sometimes have to investigate criminal matters, embezzlement, petty theft, that sort of thing. You’d handle all that.”
“And you need a full-time lawyer for that?”
