Chapter Nine
The following morning, Raiden woke with Tabitha in his arms, her legs tangled in his. He buried his face in her neck and inhaled. Her natural perfume, like cinnamon and fresh spring rain, made him ache instantly. He’d know it anywhere. And he’d miss that scent forever.
The sun hadn’t yet risen, but his fantasy night was over. Though he’d awakened her several times to make love, it hadn’t been enough. It never would be. But the time had come to face reality. Keeping Tabby and the baby safe was his first responsibility, even if that meant cutting out his own heart.
After pressing a kiss to her forehead, he untangled himself from her and rose. Stomping down his regret, Raiden showered and dressed. He found Bram in the kitchen, drinking coffee. He poured himself a mug and sipped, wincing. When Bram made it, the brew could take the paint off walls. Today, Raiden feared he’d need it.
The Doomsday Brethren leader wore an edgy, watchful expression that didn’t bode well.
“Do you have a minute?” Raiden asked him. “I have a problem.”
Bram sipped coffee. “A minute, literally. I must meet Duke this morning. Long story.”
Not one with a happy ending, clearly.
Quickly, Raiden told him about nearly everything that had transpired over the past two days, including the parchment outlining the Untouchable family tree he and Tabitha had retrieved.
“Bloody hell.” Bram shook his head. “Well, the good news is, there’s no need for you to worry about Tabitha’s safety now. Mathias knows the identity of the Untouchable. Duke found her last night and is bringing her here. I’ll fill you in later. I’m expected to meet them now.”
Before Bram could leave, Raiden grabbed him by the shirt. “You’re saying that Mathias no longer needs the information Tabby’s father begged her to protect?”
“Precisely. We found the Untouchable last night, and Mathias is on Duke’s arse now. He shouldn’t bother Tabitha again.”
With a grim nod, Bram disappeared out of the room and left the caves. Raiden melted against the wall and loosed a staggering sigh of relief. Mathias had no cause to hurt Tabby now. She was safe. And as soon as Raiden could get her away from him and settled with Blackbourne, he could rest easy, knowing she wouldn’t be caught in the crossfire of this bloody ugly war.
Thank God.
Except now this really meant good-bye.
That reality settled in as Raiden ambled back to his cave in a sightless daze. His legs moved as if they’d become leaden. Tightness banded his chest, and sharp pains tore through him. Breathing fucking hurt. Tears stabbed his eyes like needles.
Today, he’d lose Tabitha forever. He’d never know her kiss or her love again. He’d never hold their youngling. He’d never imagined this moment would bring him to his knees, like an army of dull knives gouging his soul.
Better that than Tabby widowed or dead. Knowing she was safe had to satisfy him for the rest of his life.
Tabitha paced the little bedroom, her hair tucked up at her nape, her skirts swishing around her. Worry jabbed her stomach.
When she’d awakened, Raiden had been gone. Wasn’t that a metaphor for their relationship? Only now, she wasn’t worrying that he simply didn’t love her. The way he’d made love to her last night, she knew better. No, what concerned her now was his safety. Had he left her to fight? Would today be the day Mathias bested Raiden, killed him?
Seven against an army. Staggering odds, to be sure. For the youngling’s sake, she should be happy that Raiden would soon deliver her to another man who would make her and the baby his responsibility.
True, she didn’t have to be Sean’s mate. Her father had left her with much. She could rebuild the house and live comfortably for the rest of her years. But he’d wanted this match for her, wanted a father for her youngling. Raiden couldn’t—or wouldn’t—fill the role. She understood, really. If Mathias attacked them here and she had to escape, smuggling a youngling to safety… odds were, Mathias would kill them.
Sean was a kind man, and he made her laugh, feel secure. As matches went, it was a good one. He would never demand her heart and soul, yet would always put her first. It was more than many of magickind’s arranged matings. But now that she’d known joy in Raiden’s arms, Tabitha feared that mere comfort would never be enough.
Still, how could she naysay her parents’ wishes? And Raiden’s as well? He fought for such a noble cause and tried so hard to keep her safe.
She couldn’t. And arguing would only make them both hurt more.
A moment later, Raiden entered the little bedroom, resignation all over his face. Dread crashed into the endless pit of her stomach.
Tabitha tried not to think about the fact that he would never make love to her again. From today on, that would be a virtual stranger’s right.
“Bram says the identity of the Untouchable is no longer secret. Mathias knows who she is. The danger to you is gone.”
And so was her reason to stay. Raiden was, no doubt, eager to send her on her way.
“I’m sorry for her, then.”
“Indeed. Would you like coffee? Breakfast?”
Before he dropped her off and left her forever? “No, thank you.”
He nodded. “I’ve already talked to Blackbourne’s household staff about taking over the rest of the details for your family’s burial. They will work with you. The bodies are being transferred now, so you needn’t trouble yourself.”
She swallowed down her rage and guilt and endless sadness. They swirled together, making her stomach pitch and roll. She placed her hand over her belly, where the life she and Raiden had created together rested. He would never know his son or daughter. She could never share the joy of parenthood with him. Desperate tears burned her eyes.
“Thank you,” she choked out, then looked around, realizing she had no reason to delay the inevitable. “I have nothing to pack or take to Sean.”
Raiden shook his head, clenching his jaw as if he held back a terrible pain inside. “He’ll have you. He needs nothing more.”
Tabitha felt more tears sting her eyes, and she stared at the ceiling, willing them away. But nothing could stop them.
“Can’t we…”
“No,” he bit out. Then he kicked the bed with a frustrated roar. The mattress lurched across the floor, shuddered, stopped. “The last thing in the world I want to do is let you go. But you saw Mathias yesterday. He and his Anarki are relentless. In the past, they’ve attacked us at Bram’s house, burned it down. We’ve engaged them in battle repeatedly. It’s only a matter of time until the casualties mount up. The rest of these wizards have mates, and I don’t understand bringing them into danger.” He shook his head. “But none of them have a coming youngling. If this fight with Mathias drags on for decades, as it did during his first existence, then raising a baby constantly in danger… no. Besides, I don’t know how to care for you the way you deserve. And you deserve everything.”
She cupped his face in her hands, willing him to understand. “You care for me in every way I could want, Raiden. If not for the baby, I would do whatever it took to stay with you.”
“And God help me, I would probably let you.” He grabbed her shoulders. “I’m so damn weak where you’re concerned.”
She caressed his cheek, and he closed his eyes, a shudder racing through him.
Then he leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to her mouth, soft, full of regret and good-bye. “I love you.”
Tabitha felt those three words light up her whole body. The air left her lungs. He loved her? Really? Yes, it
