from a garden. The pain sent me into a convulsion, and next I knew, I was on the steps of the temple, and the Priestess-Mother stood there with shears and my hair in her hand.
“Pirkitta, as our last punishment, we take away your power to bear children and the symbol of your power as a woman. You shall never carry a child to term until you can find out what happened to Vikkommin and put to right what went wrong. You may grow your hair back, but it will never be the braid you were born with.” Holding out the shears, she clipped off my hair at the nape of my neck.
I screamed, but she tossed the strands onto a fire and as the smell of burning hair filtered through my nostrils, the heavy doors swung shut and I lay sobbing for what seemed like hours.
Something inside took hold—an anger, a fury, a desire for revenge and to prove them wrong. I forced myself to my feet, and, still in agony from the ishonar and having my powers stripped, I trudged to the trail leading down to the portals. A voice calling my name on the wind led me forward, and I followed it until I could remember no more.
SIX
CAMILLE BURST INTO TEARS, AND KITÄÄ’S LIP was trembling, but I realized it wasn’t out of pity. No, they were tears of sisterhood. After six hundred years of hiding my scars, of hiding my shame, it actually felt good to open up, to show someone else the reminders I carried on my back.
“You are going to face him? The shadow of your lost love?” Kitää asked.
I nodded. “I have to. There’s no other way to break the curse than to find out what really happened. And I have to go alone. I asked my friends to come with me for support, but in the end I know I have to face him alone.”
“When will you go? Shadows exist in the light more than in the dark, you know.”
I thought about it. Waiting a day, two days, would do nothing for me. I’d no more be ready then than I was now. “I’ll go out at daybreak tomorrow onto the Skirts of Hel and hunt him down. And then . . . I’ll do whatever it takes to find out the truth and to help him rest. Vikkommin must know what happened. He’s my only hope now, for the life that I want.”
“Is there anything you need tonight? The Pack has trained shamans and we would be glad to offer whatever help we can.” She rested a hand on my arm. “Lady Iris, you are a brave woman, but don’t look a gift horse—”
“In the mouth. I know. If you could provide me with a private place where I may pray, and if you have anything to strengthen me against the cold and ice tomorrow, I would not turn away the offer.”
Facing the shadow of Vikkommin would be problematic and I had no clue as to what might happen. But tonight I knew I’d need to spend time in prayer. Even though I had been banished from the temple, Undutar still spoke to me and I needed to know she was with me when I confronted him. I needed to know that she cared.
Kitää motioned to one of the wolves. “We will prepare your quarters. I will oversee the preparation myself.”
When Camille and I were alone, she turned to me and took my hands in hers. “Iris, why didn’t you tell us all of this when we first met? Maybe we could have helped, come out here earlier. Are you sure you want to face him alone? You know I’ll stand by your side if you need me.”
“I know.” And I did know. Camille would fight to the death for me if she had to. But that wouldn’t help right now. “I had to be sure I could trust you first. And then, after I realized how happy I was with you and your sisters, I began to second-guess facing him down. But then I met Bruce, and he wants children, and the thought of telling him he had to choose between me and being a father . . . I couldn’t do it.”
“I think I understand,” she said, helping me back into my shirt.
“I never thought I’d have the courage to face Vikkommin’s shadow, but when he came to me on the astral this autumn—remember, you saw him, too—I realized he might somehow be able to hurt the people I love. Who I now call family. And I can’t have that. I can’t leave this undone. So here I am.”
“What do you think might get through to him? You said he’s mad.”
“He is, stark raving mad. Wouldn’t you be, lost in a shadow all those years? I don’t know how I’ll reason with him but I have to find something—some spark that still remembers what we had. We were truly in love, or at least I thought so.” I stared at the floor, trying to remember.
“Why do you say it that way? Did he tell you otherwise?”
I thought back, but my mind was blank. “I don’t know, but I keep feeling I need to qualify it. I know how much I loved him—from the first time our souls met, there was no one else. The Lady showed me his heart and how could I not love him? And . . . he did seem to love me. We spent most of our spare time together—there was so much to learn, and we had to learn how to work together.”
“Did he ever tell you how he felt?” Camille let out a slow breath. “Iris, could Vikkommin have been seeing someone else? Someone who wanted you out of the way? Ever since you told me about the whole situation, I keep thinking: Somebody was jealous of you. Somebody wanted the life you were to have.”
I knew she meant to help, but it couldn’t be that. It was too simple.
“There was no one. Sure, Vikkommin attracted a lot of attention and there were a few catty remarks about us—I also attracted my share of male acolytes. But the temple Elders questioned everyone. And it took years for another acolyte to be named High Priestess—a century at least. Until then, the Priestess-Mother stayed in charge. And the woman chosen was new, brought in from another temple. If somebody had wanted my position, why would they kill Vikkommin? They would have killed me and tried to take my place.”
I shook my head. “No, it wasn’t one of my peers. That much I know.” I looked up at her. “I have been over and over this, turning the puzzle in my thoughts for centuries. What would I have to gain from killing Vikkommin? What would I get out of it?”
“You say you loved him?”
“I did. I loved him and was looking forward to our wedding. The only thing I used to get mad at him for was the time he spent down in the White Forest. It was dangerous, but he wouldn’t listen to reason. He insisted on going down there alone. I was so afraid he’d end up on the wrong end of one of the snow spiders or a troll.” I closed my eyes, remembering our arguments over the subject. “We did fight, but he insisted he needed to hang out there for his magic. Something about the forest gave him strength.”
Camille shook her head. “If the forest gave him strength, I wonder what it did to his magic. I’ve learned the hard way that working death magic has altered me—changed how I view the world.”
Just then, Kitää returned. “I’ve arranged a private place for you. Follow Tezsa and she will take you there. I will wake you at daybreak with breakfast.”
As I hugged Camille good night and followed the wolf to the private chamber, I wondered what tomorrow would bring me. If luck was with me, I’d resolve this matter—or even just go home no worse off than now. But there were so many other possibilities.
AS I KNELT on the soft pelts layered in the little cubbyhole, surrounded by the gentle glow of eye catchers, I took out my wand. Thanks to Camille and her sisters, it held an Aqualine Crystal—the stone sacred to my magic. Now I gently removed it from the silver that held it steady and set the wand aside. I held the crystal up so that the light of the eye catchers shone through, and I stared into the icy blue of the stone.
Aqualine Crystal, endemic to Otherworld, had a direct line into the magic of mist and fog and snow. And it was sacred to Undutar. I breathed softly onto the gem, cupping it in my hands. Closing my fingers around it, I let myself slip into a deep trance, my body becoming the mere vessel enclosing my spirit.
I slipped lower, and still lower, until I found my heartstone—the core of my being that no one could ever take away. It was this part of myself the temple Elders could never reach, and that I could never fully read. It was here, in the primal energy of myself, that the answers lay hidden and locked away.
I touched my heartstone and felt my spirit begin to rise on wings, to soar into the celestial realms, to sing with the stars. Slowly, I began the chant I’d been taught to summon Undutar, my Lady of the Frozen Wastes.
