Bath Tangle

you out of your senses?” she demanded. “What the deuce do you mean by daring to address me in such terms?”

He blenched, but muttered: “Well, I don’t see what business it is of yours! You need not think—”

“Let me remind you, Gerard, that you are not talking to one of your college friends!” she interrupted. “I don’t take that tone from anyone alive, and least of all from a cub of your age! I have previously thought that Rotherham was too severe with you, but I am fast reaching the conclusion he has been too easy! What you need, and what I am strongly tempted to see that you receive, is a sharp lesson in civility! Do not stand there glowering at me in that stupid, ill-bred style! And do not waste your time talking fustian to me about the circumstances which led you to take what you call a rash step, but which you know very well to be a disgraceful and a dishonourable prank!”

Mr Goring, who had entered the room at the start of this masterly trimming, and had listened to it with deep appreciation, said very politely: “I shall be happy to be of service to you. Lady Serena.”

Her eyes twinkled. “I don’t doubt it—or that you are an excellent teacher, sir! but I hope not to put you to so much trouble.”

“It would be a pleasure, ma’am.”

Mr Monksleigh, finding himself between an avenging goddess on the one hand, and a stocky and determined gentleman on the other, thought it prudent to retreat from his dangerous position. He begged pardon, and said that he had not meant to be uncivil. The landlord, accompanied by a waiter, then came back into the room, to set the table, a mundane business which seemed to Gerard quite out of keeping with the romantic nature of his escapade. And when they were alone again, Lady Serena sat down at the head of the table, and began to pour out the coffee, commanding the star-crossed lovers to come and take their places, as though she were presiding over a nursery meal.

“Oh, I could not swallow anything!” Emily said, in lachrymose accents.

“I daresay you will find, when you make the attempt, that you are mistaken,” replied Serena. “For my part, I am excessively hungry, and so, I don’t doubt, is Mr Goring. So come and sit down to the table, if you please! Mr Goring, if you will take the foot, and carve the ham, Gerard may sit on my other hand, and so we shall be comfortable.”

Anything less comfortable than the attitudes assumed by the lovers could scarcely have been imagined. Mr Goring, glancing up from his task, was hard put to it not to laugh.

“I won’t go back! I won’t!” Emily declared, tearfully. “Oh, no one was ever so unhappy as I am!”

“Well, you know, I think you deserve to be unhappy,” said Serena. “You have caused Mr Goring and me a great deal of trouble; you have behaved in a way that must, if ever it were to be known, sink you quite beneath reproach; and, which is worst of all, you have made your grandmama ill. Really, Emily, you are quite old enough to know better than to be so outrageously thoughtless! When I arrived in Beaufort Square this morning, it was to find Mrs Floore recovering from a heart attack, and in such distress that I don’t know when I have been more shocked.”

Emily burst into tears. “Lady Serena, it is useless to seek to interfere!” said Gerard. “This step has not been lightly taken! And as for being dishonourable, it’s no such thing! If you think I acted behind Rotherham’s back, you are much mistaken! Before ever I came to Bath I went to Claycross, and told my cousin what I should do!”

Lady Serena lowered her cup. “You told Rotherham you were going to elope with Emily?” she repeated.

He reddened. “No, not that! Well, I didn’t mean then to elope! I told him I should go to Bath, whatever he said, and if he didn’t choose to believe me, I’m sure it was not my fault!”

“Are we to understand that Rotherham, in fact, forbade you to approach Emily?” asked Serena. “My poor Gerard! What a fortunate thing it is that I was able to catch you! We must hope that this escapade doesn’t reach his ears, but there’s no saying that it won’t, and I am strongly of the opinion that you should book yourself a seat on the next London-bound coach.”

“I’m not afraid of Rotherham!” stated Gerard.

“Then I know just what you should do!” said Serena cordially. “Take the bull by the horns, my dear Gerard! You know what Rotherham is! Seek him out, and make a clean breast of it, and he won’t be nearly as angry!”

He cast her a look of intense dislike. “I’ve no desire to see him at all, ma’am!”

Serena spread mustard on a mouthful of ham, and said thoughtfully: “Well, I can’t but feel that if I stood in your shoes I had rather seek him than have him seek me. However, that is quite your own affair! But put this absurd Gretna Green idea out of your head, I do beg of you! If I fail to persuade you to abandon your project, I shall have no choice but to inform Rotherham immediately, and then you will see him somewhere on the road to Scotland. I shan’t envy you that meeting.”

Emily shrieked: “You would not! Oh, you would not do so cruel a thing!”

“Of course I should! It would be far more cruel to let you ruin yourself in Gerard’s company. And talking of ruin, pray how did you come by the money to pay for this trip, Gerard?”

“I suppose you think I stole it!” he said furiously. “If you must know, I borrowed it!”

“Who in the world was fool enough to lend you enough money to get to Gretna Green and back?” she demanded, quite astonished.

“I shall pay it back on the day I come of age! In fact, he holds my note-of-hand!”

“Who does? You know, this becomes more and more serious!” Serena said. “I fear Rotherham will be quite out of patience with you.”

“Well, he will not, because it was he who lent me the money!” retorted Gerard.

Mr Goring choked over a mouthful of bread and butter; Serena, after gazing in an awed way at Gerard for a few moments, said unsteadily: “You borrowed money from Rotherham to enable you to dope with the girl to whom he is betrothed? No doubt he gave you his blessing as well!”

“No, he did not! Of course I didn’t tell him I wanted it for—Well, I didn’t want it for that! I mean, I hadn’t thought of eloping then, or I shouldn’t have—though it isn’t as if I asked him to give me the money, after all!” he added defensively.

Mr Goring, listening to him in grim amusement, remarked dispassionately: “You’re certainly an original, Monksleigh!”

“Oh, Gerard, how could you?” said Emily. “Oh, dear, how dreadful everything is! I’m sure it would be very wrong of us to let Lord Rotherham pay for my marriage to you! Now I shall have to go back to Bath, and I wish I were dead!”

Gerard, who, to do him justice, had not until now considered this particular aspect of his exploit, flushed scarlet, and said in a deeply mortified voice: “Well, if it was wrong, at least I did it for your sake!”

Serena refilled her cup. “I daresay it may prove to be a blessing,” she observed. “His worst enemy never said of Rotherham that he had no sense of humour, and the chances are he would laugh so much that he would forget to be angry with you, Gerard.”

He did not appear to derive much comfort from this, but before he could speak, Emily said, tightly clasping her hands: “Lady Serena, I don’t want to marry Lord Rotherham! Oh, pray do not try to persuade me! I cannot love him!”

“Then I suggest that you tell him so,” replied Serena calmly.

“T-tell him so—?” repeated Emily, her eyes widening in horror.

“Yes, tell him so,” said Serena. “When a gentleman, my dear Emily, does you the honour to offer for your hand, and you accept his offer, the barest civility demands that if you should afterwards wish to cry off you must at least inform him of the alteration in your sentiments.”

Emily began to cry again. Mr Goring said: “Miss Laleham, pray don’t distress yourself! What Lady Serena says is true, but she should have told you also that you have nothing to fear in returning to Mrs Floore’s house! I can assure you that you will find in her a stout supporter! Had you informed her of your dislike of Rotherham, this unfortunate affair need never have been!”

She raised her wet eyes to his face in an incredulous look. “Oh, but Mama—!”

“Believe me,” he said earnestly, “Mrs Floore is more than a match for your mama! Indeed, my poor child, you must return with us! You have allowed the irritation of your nerves to overset your judgement: I have never met