not survive without you.” He kissed her eyes and then her nose before continuing. “Happy anniversary, my precious wife, today and every day for all my life I will love you and thank God He brought you to me. This I can assert with confidence.” He laughed softly as he stroked her hair and playfully nibbled her lips. “I have not tired of riding my horses after all these years, so how could I tire of riding you? You, precious Elizabeth, are profoundly superior.”
The preparations for the Ball consumed most of Lizzy’s thoughts. As the imminent event drew nearer, Lizzy’s original excitement and blase attitude was replaced by a fair amount of nervousness. She was apprised of several facts regarding the Masque, which either calmed her or escalated her anxiety. Firstly, the annual Cole Twelfth Night Masquerade Ball was a Derbyshire extravaganza dating back more than fifty years and was
The fact that the surpassingly eligible bachelor, the
Knowing this, Lizzy was uncertain whether she was happy or dismayed to discover that, although a “Masque,” few masks were worn. The tradition of actually attempting to disguise oneself in the relatively insular community of Derbyshire had long ago been deemed ludicrous. Therefore, the style had faded only to be affected by the more frivolous—usually single—attendees who sought an air of mystery.
Darcy had flatly refused even to consider wearing a mask, ever. Lizzy had initially been relieved, since the idea held no appeal to her either, yet as the import of the Ball registered fully upon her consciousness, the comfort of hiding behind a mask did seem providential!
Then there was the gown itself. Lizzy trusted the genius of Madame du Loire and, having beheld her gown, she could abstractly proclaim it a masterpiece. Yet therein lay her disquiet. Lizzy had never in her life entertained the notion of donning such a fabulous garment. It was so far removed from her character to cover herself with yards upon yards of finery. She recognized that if ever there was a night she needed to be comfortable with who she was, it was this night. How could she possibly be “Lizzy” dressed like this? Of course, she was no longer just “Lizzy”—she was Mrs. Darcy, and desired to present herself as such to please her husband and impress the denizens of Derbyshire. Oh, the dilemma! It gave her a headache.
Lastly, Mr. Vernor had informed Darcy that Sir Cole had agreed to sanction the waltz for two dances this year. The scandalous Viennese dance had gained reserved favor last year when the Prince Regent had introduced it at a royal affair in the palace. The older members of society had suffered a collective case of apoplexy, but the younger elite had secretly applauded the Prince’s action. Outwardly they nodded sagacious agreement with their elders, yet the dance persisted in popping up throughout the cotillions and balls of the ton. Lizzy had frankly been shocked speechless to learn that her shy, priggish, and rigid husband had learned the dance years ago when touring Austria and practiced further two years ago while in Paris. Lizzy was ragingly jealous to imagine him dancing so intimately with another woman.
This intelligence had been disclosed to her four days after Christmas. They had all returned from one of their excursions into Lambton where, while the men dallied at the pub, Mr. Vernor had enlightened Darcy about the waltz. Resting in their sitting room for the afternoon, Darcy disclosed this information to Lizzy along with his experience in dancing the waltz and his great willingness to teach her if she wished it. Lizzy was dumbstruck, primarily at the idea of her husband knowing the notorious dance, but also at the concept of performing it herself. Darcy, she could easily tell, was quite enamored by the vision.
He gazed at her expectantly until finally she stammered, “You dance the waltz! But… you do not like to dance… any dance! How did you learn…” She blushed profusely. “With whom did you… I have heard it is so, so… intimate!” She was inexplicably furious and leapt from her chair with the probable intent of storming from the room, but Darcy grabbed her arm.
“Elizabeth, stop. You are being silly,” he began, but her angry face halted his words and he released her arm. With a final glare she did storm out of the room and into her dressing room, slamming the door with astonishing vigor. Darcy stood in the middle of the room in a welter of emotion. Anger, dismay, amusement, and bewilderment warred internally. With stunning clarity, he realized they had just had their first married fight and he was absolutely at a loss as to what to do.
If Darcy boasted one character trait above all others, it would be his ability to succinctly and reliably rationalize. The problem was that he did not always possess all the necessary evidence to form a perfect conclusion, ergo the disastrous first proposal to Miss Elizabeth Bennet. Mrs. Darcy was another matter. Darcy would never be so presumptuous as to assert that he wholly understood his complex, adorable wife, but in their time together he had amply gleaned the nuances of her thinking, character, and actions.
Most importantly, he loved her ardently and refused to allow her to feel any pain, if it was within his power to relieve. Therefore, he shoved his emotions aside, another trait he possessed, and allotted himself the time necessary to ponder all that had happened, what she had said and not said, and what he knew of her until he reached a conclusion. After a prayer and a deep cleansing breath, he approached her door.
He heard a faintly muffled sound from within that he thought might be crying, piercing his heart. He knocked softly. “Elizabeth?” No answer. “Elizabeth my love, we must talk. May I come in, please?” It was some time before he heard a muted yes.
She stood leaning against the wall by the small window, arms crossed. Her face was averted but he instantly knew, based on his intimacy with her body, that she had been crying but was also still angry. He longed to hold her with a palpable ache but he paused just inside the door.
“Elizabeth, I beg your forgiveness on several counts. First, I have been horribly insensitive to your feelings lately regarding the Ball and what I now begin to comprehend might be anxiety on your part. I am unbelievably obtuse at times, and I believe this is one of those times. I take the society and denizens of Derbyshire for granted. It has forever been a part of my life and I am remiss, outrageously so, for not remembering that you are acquainted with few of our neighbors.
“In addition, I am so much in awe of your ability to converse and socialize with strangers that it frankly never occurred to me that you may be nervous. Perhaps you are not and I am, again, leaping to a false conclusion. I can only surmise your nervousness, based on the few subtle signs I have noted—as you have chosen, if I may risk incurring further wrath, not to share your feelings with me.” He noted that she jerked slightly at his last statement and almost turned toward him.
He hesitated momentarily to collect his thoughts. “As for the waltz, I must tell you that I am offended and hurt that you would infer, knowing me as well as you should, that my learning the waltz in any way means that I have been intimate with another woman.”
She hung her head and her shoulders shook, making it nigh on impossible for him not to move to her. “Oddly, at the same time, your jealousy and possessiveness is charming and gratifying to my ego. I suppose the logical denouement is that we humans, even those who love each other as profoundly as we do, still need reassurance and reiteration.”
He took a few steps closer to her before continuing. “Both times I danced the waltz, it was painful to me and I was under great duress. I can bore you with the details later if you wish. Any proficiency I claim is due to Georgiana.” Lizzy was so startled by this that she spun around, her mouth agape.
“Georgiana!” she blurted, her tear streaked face so precious to him.
He smiled and stepped close enough to wipe the tears away with one finger. “When Bingley told her I had danced it in Paris, with the intent of embarrassing me—which he succeeded in doing—Georgiana would not let it rest. You know how weak I am when it comes to granting the wishes of those I love, so I capitulated and taught her.” He shrugged. “It is not unusual, actually. Who else do you think teaches her to dance?”
He stroked her cheek as he cocked his head and knitted his brow. “By the way, you have obviously deduced that I do not like to dance. This is not true. I abhor balls with all the protocol and vapid conversation that attend them, and I detest being on display. However, I enjoy dancing and have been told I am accomplished. One could even say I am light of foot!” he chuckled. “I have simply never been properly partnered, except for one time during which I behaved idiotically.”
