Bennet. I thought you knew. She refused him flatly, she did, without any consideration for his feelings or the welfare of her family.”
Darcy swallowed as he contemplated his aunt’s words. This meant that when he proposed to her a year ago and was turned down, she had already turned down another proposal. His mind swirled with thoughts as he contemplated the type of woman Miss Bennet was. She had turned down a proposal from the man who would have kept Longbourn in her family at the death of her father, and then had turned down his proposal, he, who could have provided her with everything she could have ever wanted.
Deep in his heart he knew why. He could readily understand why she would have turned down Collins. She could never marry a man she did not respect.
Darcy contemplated his own proposal. He had gone to her fairly confident that she would accept his hand. Yet she had turned him down as well. And for the same reason. She did not respect him.
This was all nothing to him now. He spent the last year recovering from his miscalculations. He knew now that he had been wrong in anticipating her acceptance of his suit. As he looked out at the lane that separated Rosings from the parsonage, he was surprised that he could almost hear her voice: “
His body involuntarily shuddered at the memory. Combing his fingers through his hair, he turned. “If you will excuse me, I am rather fatigued. I shall be in my room.”
As he walked up the grand staircase, he inwardly berated himself for the disappointment he now felt. Had he actually come to Rosings this year with the expectation that he would hear something about her? Possibly even see her again? Was he holding out hope that perhaps the letter he had placed in her hand one year ago may have changed her opinion of him?
Upon reaching his room, he entered and closed the door behind him. He had made such a concerted effort this past year to mend his ways, examine his prejudices, and lay aside his pride. And even though he told himself it was all done to improve himself as a person, he knew now that he had hoped Miss Elizabeth Bennet might give him a second chance if she saw that he had attended to her criticisms.
She was well aware that he came to Rosings every Easter. He had secretly wished that she would make plans to visit her friend Charlotte as well. In the deepest recesses of his being, he had hoped that she would be here. But it had been futile and foolish thinking. Even if Collins were still here, she would never have planned a visit knowing there was the possibility that
He slumped into the chair that faced the desk. It was the same chair and desk where he had written that letter a year ago. He had been hurt and angered by Miss Bennet’s words and responded likewise. Now he wondered what she had thought as she first read the missive. What
He brought his head down into his hands and took in a deep breath. He remained that way for some time before finally lifting his head. Would the Bennet ladies have remained at Longbourn? He absently began shaking his head. He doubted that Miss Elizabeth had. But if not, where would she have gone? What would have become of her?
He knew he would not be able to let this concern drop until he knew for certain that she was in decent circumstances. He knew he would do anything to ensure her happiness, although he was convinced that she would never accept any assistance from him. This bit of news—or lack thereof—brought about a very wearisome three weeks for him during his stay at Rosings.
Elizabeth Bennet wrapped the cloak tightly around little Emily, bending down with a smile as she straightened it.
“There! I believe you are ready.”
“Thank you. I am sorry I dawdled and needed you to help me get ready.” She looked up at Elizabeth with pleading blue eyes. “Will you not join us this morning, Miss Bennet? Why do you never attend church services with us?”
Elizabeth took the little girl’s hands in her own. “You ask me that every week, and every week I tell you. Your mother and father have been so kind to me that on Sundays I am free from my duties so I may visit my family. I accompany my sister, Jane, and my aunt and uncle and little cousins to the church they attend in their neighbourhood.”
The little girl pouted. “But today is Easter! I do not know why you cannot spend the day with us.”
Elizabeth patted Emily’s head. “You have me for six days a week. I would think that you would prefer to have one day without me. Besides, when we are in the country this summer, I shall be with you every day. I dare say you will tire of me then and wish to have some time away from me!”
Before the little girl could respond, her mother called from downstairs. “Emily, we are about to leave. Are you ready?”
Emily looked toward the door, then sadly back at Elizabeth. “I think I would enjoy church much better if you were there with me.”
“That means a great deal to me, Emily. And one day I shall join you, but not today. Now walk downstairs like the little lady you are. I will be late if I do not hasten and get myself ready.” Elizabeth smiled and shook her head as she watched her ward turn and skip down the stairs.
Each week Emily’s plea was the same, but Elizabeth knew that once Emily was with her parents,
As Sunday was her day off, normally Elizabeth did not have any responsibilities with Emily. Today, however, the young girl needed some additional help readying herself, so Elizabeth gladly assisted her. With that task now behind her, Elizabeth could look forward to her day with her family. She would accompany them to church and then visit with them throughout the afternoon and evening. This was the highlight of her week. For the remainder of the week she was governess to six-year-old Emily Willstone.
Elizabeth hurried to ready herself. She knew her uncle’s carriage would arrive shortly, and she did not wish to be late. When she was finished dressing, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes took in the grey dress she wore and how pale her face appeared. It was one of two grey dresses she owned and wore while in half-mourning. She also had two black dresses that had been her complete wardrobe for her days of full-mourning. She still had a little over a month of mourning remaining and she wondered whether she could ever go back to wearing colours again. Her grief was still as fresh and strong as it had been the day her father died.
In the waning of spring last year, just as the days were growing in length and warmth, Mr. Bennet was unexpectedly taken from them. A trip Elizabeth had planned to take with the Gardiners up north was cancelled. Her youngest sister, Lydia, was sent home from Brighton, where she had been staying as a guest of Colonel Forster and his wife. Jane’s loss of Charles Bingley’s affections was now swallowed up in the loss of her father. The family grieved together and consoled one another. Elizabeth, being the one who had the strength of character, was the one everyone turned to, yet it was she who suffered the deepest grief in the loss of her father.
While Elizabeth tried to encourage everyone to be strong, there was an underlying uncertainty that each of the Bennet ladies shared. With Longbourn entailed away to their cousin, Mr. Collins, he now had every right to claim it as his own. Whenever Mrs. Bennet brought up the dreaded subject, Elizabeth and Jane would do their best to assuage her fears that they would not be left homeless and destitute.
As was feared, however, several months following Mr. Bennet’s death, the Collinses sent notice that they would indeed be moving to Longbourn at the beginning of the new year. Charlotte Collins, Elizabeth’s good friend, assured the family that they could remain in their home as long as they required, but Elizabeth knew she could never live at Longbourn when it was no longer theirs, and neither could she live under the same roof as Mr. Collins.
