'Real is a relative term. Jasmine Robertson wasn't a goddess. She was a human, born a thousand years ago.'
'I've read about that time,' said Shay. 'The Human Age. It must have been like paradise.'
'Not quite,' said Jandra. 'Human civilization took a toll upon the earth. Vast areas of the globe had their native species plowed under and replaced with agriculture based on a few select plants, like corn. The soil had to be constantly replenished with petroleum-based chemicals. Poisons meant to fight pests worked their way into the groundwater. Water was also contaminated by runoff from digging into the earth for various minerals. To get at coal, humans would tear down entire mountain ranges. They burned that coal non-stop for two centuries, forever altering the atmosphere.'
'Was the sky of the whole world like the sky over Dragon Forge?'
'Not quite. They constantly refined technology to make it cleaner. That's one reason Jazz's memories confuse me. She could have done so much to make the world better with her brilliance. Instead, she decided to tear the world down.'
'Was she insane?'
'No. She was a genius, and something of an outsider, but not insane. Her sister, Cassie, had been born blind due to a side effect of a drug her mother had taken while she was pregnant. Cassie was an early recipient of artificial retinas. Jazz was fascinated by technology, and by biology, and, well, by everything, really. She wasn't insane-she was… overly confident. She thought she understood the world's problems and could fix them. Fixing the world, unfortunately, meant cutting the world's human population from eight billion to eighty million.'
'I can't even imagine eight billion people,' said Shay. 'Where did everyone stand?'
'The world's bigger than you can imagine,' said Jandra. 'I don't think I really grasped just how big it was until Jazz took me to the moon.'
'To the… you mean, you've been… the moon?'
Jandra nodded.
'How? I mean, not even dragons fly that high, do they?'
'Jazz knew a short cut. There's apparently a different kind of space that exists under our reality. Jazz called it underspace. She stole the technology for traveling through it from Atlantis.'
Shay scratched his head. She sensed that her explanations were only making things worse. 'Atlantis is an alien artifact that arrived on Earth at the tipping point of its environmental collapse. It was a machine intelligence programmed for almost perfect altruism-a living city designed to serve the needs of its citizens. It could have ushered in a true golden age… except, Jazz was one of the first people to encounter it. While the machine intelligence was far more advanced than anything she'd ever experienced, she was able to subtly alter its mission. She stopped its altruism at the edges of its immediate environment. The humans who went to live in Atlantis are effectively immortal. The city ignores the rest of the world. Jazz has since reduced mankind to a feral state, devoid of advanced technology. She thinks this is the wisest path for the long-term health of the world.'
Shay nodded. If he didn't understand, at least he was humoring her. 'You're still talking about Jazz in the present tense.'
Jandra lowered her head as she realized he was right.
'What if I'm using the present tense because she's still alive?' Jandra whispered. 'I need to get a genie back so I can fix my brain. I think… I think she's slowly pushing me out of my own memories.' Despite her best efforts to hold them back, tears trickled down her cheeks.
Shay scooted over toward her. He placed his fingers gently on the back of her hand. Lizard's small claws fell next to them. She shuddered.
'Whenever… I go… to sleep,' she said between sobs, 'I'm afraid… I won't wake up as me.'
Shay slid beside her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 'Shh,' he said, in a soothing tone. 'You're just getting scared by a few bad dreams.'
'No!' she protested. 'You don't understand. Nothing terrifies me more than losing my identity. I was raised by a dragon. I've always been confused about who I am.'
Lizard looked up at her with a concerned expression. Shay squeezed her hand more tightly.
She wiped her cheeks. 'I've always… I feel crippled because I didn't have wings, or a tail. I feel ugly when I look in a mirror and see skin instead of scales.'
Shay stroked the hair back from her face and said, softly, 'You aren't ugly, Jandra. You're the prettiest woman I've ever met.'
Jandra rolled her eyes. 'Inside, I'm all broken up and scarred. I'm a freak, raised by the wrong species. Now I've had my brain rewired by thousand year old egomaniac. I have to be the most screwed up person who's ever lived.'
'Jandra,' said Shay, 'if you're screwed up, then the world needs more screwed up people. You're incredibly brave. My mind went blank with fear when Vulpine attacked, but you kept your wits. I was on the verge of peeing myself while you calmly reloaded your gun. You're amazing. You bossed around Bitterwood. You took away an earth-dragon's own axe and killed him with it. Could a brain-damaged freak do these things?'
'Why not?' She attempted to grin but couldn't quite manage it. 'No wonder I wake up screaming. I'm a brain- damaged freak with a violent streak.'
'You've also got a compassionate streak. You put your life in danger to save Lizard. You're kind and caring. Despite all the awful things dragons have done to you, you aren't consumed with bitterness and hatred. More than anyone I've ever met, you're trying to make the world a better place. Lizard's right… you're a good boss.'
'Good boss,' Lizard cooed. 'Good, good boss.' He stared up at her as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. The little dragon turned his gaze to her backpack. 'We eat?'
Jandra laughed, then hiccupped. 'Flatterer,' she said. 'Yes, we'll eat.'
Shay released her hand. 'If you want to talk more about this later, I'm ready to listen. You don't need to feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders alone.'
She looked at Shay, his face only inches from hers. Of the three people she'd ridden with from Dragon Forge, he was the last one she would have expected to still be with her when she undertook what was probably the most dangerous mission of her life. This seemed like an insane amount of effort for Shay to go through in order to get his hands on some books. A light clicked on in her head.
He hadn't come all this way for the books.
'By the bones,' she whispered. 'You like me!'
He grinned. 'Of course I like you.'
'I mean… you're… interested in me. As a potential, um, mate.'
He looked away sheepishly and cleared his throat. 'I haven't… I mean… I'm really…,' his voice trailed off. He took a deep breath and looked back toward her. 'Yes. I find you, as you say, interesting. On many levels. I've never met anyone like you.'
'How long…?'
Shay shrugged. 'It… it wasn't love at first sight. You are… you're a little intimidating, to tell the truth. But there's… there's something… something about the way you stand. Your shoulders are always pulled back. You hold your chin up. It's so… regal. I understand how a woman raised in a palace might find the interest of a slave… unwelcome.'
'No!' said Jandra. 'I mean… I didn't know. I hadn't been… I'm just… I've never been taught how to look for the, uh, signals. The only man who ever showed interest was Pet, but I always found his attentions… creepy. I felt like a mouse under the watchful gaze of a hungry cat. He may have given me a false sense of what indicates a man's interest. Since you weren't constantly leering, I just didn't suspect.'
'I didn't… I don't know the signals either,' said Shay. 'Among slaves, we're usually matched with whoever our masters choose. Courtship isn't something I've had any experience with. When I look at you, I do feel… it's something like hunger, but nothing like hunger. It's… It's-'
'Lizard hungry,' said the earth-dragon, tugging on Jandra's sleeve.
'We should eat,' said Jandra, welcoming the change of subject. This wasn't a conversation she felt ready to have. She turned her back to Shay. She flipped open her back pack and reached in for the hardtack inside. 'We have a long way to go.'
CHAPTER TWENTY: