wants to be sure of. Finally she takes out a piece of notebook paper. Writes down the things she’s sure of, and what she’s almost sure of. In the “sure of” column:
• Tiffany Quinn and Nico Cruz each were using this desk when they disappeared
• The desk in question has new graffiti on it that looks old
She erases the second point and puts it in the “almost sure” category.
Then she erases the first point, accidentally ripping the paper with her eraser in her haste, and puts that in the “almost sure” category too. Because now she’s not entirely sure about anything.
All afternoon her brain buzzes with thoughts she can’t control. She wants to yell, wants to make them stop. But they whip around in an endless loop. After a while she just puts her head down on her desk and gives up.
“Kendall.”
“Yeah?”
“Time to go.”
Kendall sits up slowly, wearily. She has no idea what Ms. Hinkler has talked about all day. Doesn’t care, either. Her body feels like it’s filled with lead. She sits for a minute, realizing everybody is already gone except for Jacian. She slips out of her seat and grabs her backpack and bag.
“Are you okay?”
Kendall nods. “I think a lot of junk just caught up with me.” She glances over her shoulder at Nico’s desk as they walk to the door. “I’m starting to imagine things.”
Jacian pushes open the door and holds it for Kendall to walk through. He doesn’t say anything.
“How did you know?” she asks.
“Know what?”
“Know to stand up this morning so I could straighten your desk.”
“Oh, that.” Jacian gets into the truck. “It was pretty obvious just by watching you.”
“Oh.”
“And Marlena told me.”
“Told you what?” Kendall’s starting to feel paranoid.
“That you told her you have OCD.”
“Oh.” Kendall can’t think of anything else to say. She’s a little bit mad that Marlena squawked about it, but thinking back, Kendall hadn’t said not to.
Jacian gets into the truck. “Have you always had a problem with it?”
Kendall eyes him suspiciously. “Why?”
He starts it up as Kendall gets in on the passenger side. “Just making conversation. Sheesh. You really are a little paranoid, aren’t you? Is that part of the OCD, or is it just natural?”
“There you go, being jerkish again. Is that just natural for you?” She turns her face toward her window so he doesn’t see her grin. She’s glad he’s being normal about it.
He sighs and pulls out of the school parking area. “You’re coming home with me, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Look. I know about OCD. I was a junior counselor at a soccer camp for two summers before we came here. I had a lot of campers with secrets. You’re not the only one in the world with it, you know.”
Kendall humphs. “Feels like it sometimes.”
“Aw, poor you.”
“Shut up.”
He shrugs.
They get to Hector’s, pull into the barn, and get out of the truck. Jacian picks up the soccer balls. “You bring your clothes?”
Kendall debates. She has them, but she doesn’t like where the previous conversation went. Still, she feels like a slug, and her brain desperately needs a break. “Yeah.”
They walk up the porch steps and go inside. “There’s a bathroom upstairs you can use,” he says. “Or just use Marlena’s room. She’s not using it until she can actually get up there.”
Kendall sees Marlena with her eyes closed, lying on the sofa. Walks softly upstairs and changes, then tiptoes back outside so she doesn’t wake her friend. Jacian follows a minute later. They stretch in silence. Kendall feels the pull in her back, her thighs, and scolds herself for not dancing at all lately. But when your best friend since birth disappears, I guess maybe sometimes you forget to dance. She eases down into the splits and leans over her right knee.
“Does the workout help?”
Kendall is distracted from her thoughts. “Help what?”
“Your OCD.”
“Yes.”
“That’s what I thought. The kids I worked with — they were always so much. . I don’t know. Happier?
Calmer, maybe, after playing hard all day.”
Kendall is taken aback by his attempt at conversation. She’s skeptical, unable to figure out why he’s suddenly willing to talk, but she’s too tired to question it. “It definitely helps me. During, mostly, but a little bit after, too.” Kendall shifts and bows over her other knee. “Wish I could play all year.”
“Why can’t you?”
Kendall looks at him. “Uh. . because of the snow?”
“Oh. Forgot about that.”
“Yeah.”
“So what do you do when it snows?”
She gets an unexpected lump in her throat, thinking about ice fishing with Nico, snowshoeing with Nico, skiing in the mountains with Nico. And dancing. Not with Nico. “Dance,” she says. “Theatre. Only once so far, but I want to do it again someday.” She gets to her feet and grabs a soccer ball, kicking it wide and chasing after it, ending the conversation before it gets dangerous. She’s tired of crying.
They work on their own for a while. It’s a lot more comfortable today than it was yesterday, and eventually they fall into a scrimmage. Jacian’s bigger, stronger, and can run a little faster, but Kendall is a tiny bit quicker changing direction on a dime. If she can get past him, she’s got it made.
Problem is getting past him.
Jacian plays rough, just this side of dirty. He always has, and he doesn’t go easy on girls — not on
Marlena or on Kendall. It’s something Kendall noticed the first day, and she actually really appreciates that. She always tries to take him down too. Can’t let him get too cocky. And while she plays, he is the enemy. Kendall focuses all her brainpower on the win.
She doesn’t even notice when Marlena hobbles out the door with Hector and they sit on the porch, watching as Kendall goes in for the kill shot. She races Jacian to the ball, every muscle in her body screaming, stretched to its limit. He steps in, and she slams into him. Her body flies and she lands on her back, hard. It knocks the wind out of her and she lies there, stunned for a moment, before she starts fighting for air. It’s the worst feeling in the world, trying to breathe but not being able to. At least Jacian went down too.
She rolls onto her side, and they lie on the grass, heaving.
When Kendall can speak, she says, “You suck.”
Jacian grins at the sky.
Later, Kendall joins Hector and Marlena on the porch. She sits on the steps and guzzles a giant glass of water, listening to Hector and Marlena talk.
“Aren’t you going into town today to visit with old Mr. Greenwood?” Marlena asks.
“Not today. I have some paperwork to take care of.”
“What will he think if you don’t show up?”
“Ah, he’ll be fine. It’s not the first time. Sometimes he doesn’t show up either. We are good friends for a long time and understand each other.”
Kendall turns. “I think it’s cute that you sit together and never talk to each other, like an old married couple.”
