Breaking Dawn

was still growing? He had to be closer to seven feet than to six. It was a relief to see his familiar features again after all this time—his deep-set eyes shadowed under his shaggy black brows, his high cheekbones, his full lips stretched over his bright teeth in the sarcastic smile that matched his tone. His eyes were tight around the edges —careful; I could see that he was being very careful tonight. He was doing all he could to make me happy, to not slip and show how much this cost him.

I’d never done anything good enough to deserve a friend like Jacob.

“When did you decide to come back?”

“Consciously or subconsciously?” He took a deep breath before he answered his own question. “I don’t really know. I guess I’ve been wandering back this direction for a while, and maybe it’s because I was headed here. But it wasn’t until this morning that I really started running. I didn’t know if I could make it.” He laughed. “You wouldn’t believe how weird this feels—walking around on two legs again. And clothes! And then it’s more bizarre because it feels weird. I didn’t expect that. I’m out of practice with the whole human thing.”

We revolved steadily.

“It would have been a shame to miss seeing you like this, though. That’s worth the trip right there. You look unbelievable, Bella. So beautiful.”

“Alice invested a lot of time in me today. The dark helps, too.”

“It’s not so dark for me, you know.”

“Right.” Werewolf senses. It was easy to forget all the things he could do, he seemed so human. Especially right now.

“You cut your hair,” I noted.

“Yeah. Easier, you know. Thought I’d better take advantage of the hands.”

“It looks good,” I lied.

He snorted. “Right. I did it myself, with rusty kitchen shears.” He grinned widely for a moment, and then his smile faded. His expression turned serious. “Are you happy, Bella?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” I felt his shoulders shrug. “That’s the main thing, I guess.”

“How are you, Jacob? Really?”

“I’m fine, Bella, really. You don’t need to worry about me anymore. You can stop bugging Seth.”

“I’m not just bugging him because of you. I like Seth.”

“He’s a good kid. Better company than some. I tell you, if I could get rid of the voices in my head, being a wolf would be about perfect.”

I laughed at the way it sounded. “Yeah, I can’t get mine to shut up, either.”

“In your case, that would mean you’re insane. Of course, I already knew that you were insane,” he teased.

“Thanks.”

“Insanity is probably easier than sharing a pack mind. Crazy people’s voices don’t send babysitters to watch them.”

“Huh?”

“Sam’s out there. And some of the others. Just in case, you know.”

“In case of what?”

“In case I can’t keep it together, something like that. In case I decide to trash the party.” He flashed a quick smile at what was probably an appealing thought to him. “But I’m not here to ruin your wedding, Bella. I’m here to . . .” He trailed off.

“To make it perfect.”

“That’s a tall order.”

“Good thing you’re so tall.”

He groaned at my bad joke and then sighed. “I’m just here to be your friend. Your best friend, one last time.”

“Sam should give you more credit.”

“Well, maybe I’m being oversensitive. Maybe they’d be here anyway, to keep an eye on Seth. There are a lot of vampires here. Seth doesn’t take that as seriously as he should.”

“Seth knows that he’s not in any danger. He understands the Cullens better than Sam does.”

“Sure, sure,” Jacob said, making peace before it could turn into a fight.

It was strange to have him being the diplomat.

“Sorry about those voices,” I said. “Wish I could make it better.” In so many ways.

“It’s not that bad. I’m just whining a little.”

“You’re… happy?”

“Close enough. But enough about me. You’re the star today.” He chuckled. “I bet you’re just loving that. Center of attention.”

“Yeah. Can’t get enough attention.”

He laughed and then stared over my head. With pursed lips, he studied the shimmering glow of the reception party, the graceful whirl of the dancers, the fluttering petals falling from the garlands; I looked with him. It all seemed very distant from this black, quiet space. Almost like watching the white flurries swirling inside a snow globe.

“I’ll give them this much,” he said. “They know how to throw a party.”

“Alice is an unstoppable force of nature.”

He sighed. “Song’s over. Do you think I get another one? Or is that asking too much?”

I tightened my hand around his. “You can have as many dances as you want.”

He laughed. “That would be interesting. I think I’d better stick with two, though. Don’t want to start talk.”

We turned in another circle.

“You’d think I’d be used to telling you goodbye by now,” he murmured.

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but I couldn’t force it down.

Jacob looked at me and frowned. He wiped his fingers across my cheek, catching the tears there.

“You’re not supposed to be the one crying, Bella.”

“Everyone cries at weddings,” I said thickly.

“This is what you want, right?”

“Right.”

“Then smile.”

I tried. He laughed at my grimace.

“I’m going to try to remember you like this. Pretend that . . .”

“That what? That I died?”

He clenched his teeth. He was struggling with himself—with his decision to make his presence here a gift and not a judgment. I could guess what he wanted to say.

“No,” he finally answered. “But I’ll see you this way in my head. Pink cheeks. Heartbeat. Two left feet. All of that.”

I deliberately stomped on his foot as hard as I could.

He smiled. “That’s my girl.”

He started to say something else and then snapped his mouth closed. Struggling again, teeth gritted against the words he didn’t want to say.

My relationship with Jacob used to be so easy. Natural as breathing. But since Edward had come back into my life, it was a constant strain. Because—in Jacob’s eyes—by choosing Edward, I was choosing a fate that was worse than death, or at least equivalent to it.

“What is it, Jake? Just tell me. You can tell me anything.”

“I—I… I don’t have anything to tell you.”

“Oh please. Spit it out.”

“It’s true. It’s not… it’s—it’s a question. It’s something I want you to tell me.”