She shrugged. 'Not if you wanted to do it anyway.' She felt a little desperate and out of control.
'I thought ladies in high positions had responsibilities about how they acted.'
'After all this is over, the dance, I mean,' she said, 'when you travel back to Folke, won't it be dangerous?'
'Probably,' he said. 'Time is fairly urgent, because she hasn't got too much of it left.' His tone changed, became brighter. 'Anyway, if you want to, we can slip down Caveside tonight and practise before the ball. There's a street dance organized, so Denlin said, and I think we should go, because it'll get you used to dancing in public. You've enough time to slip into something a little scruffier – if you have anything scruffy, that is. It'll be cold and dirty.'
'I'm sure I can find something suitable for the occasion,' she said. 'You certainly take me to the loveliest of places.'
*
With some urgency they moved through the narrow streets, their footsteps light on the cobbles. They had tricked soldiers in Balmacara into thinking Eir was retiring early, wasn't feeling well. Eir herself felt a warm thrill of anticipation at the venture. Occasionally, she gripped Randur's hand when descending steep stairwells. The sky was a dull smear of blue-grey, the air filled with snowflakes that fell so hypnotically slowly they seemed stationary. Icicles glinted on the bridges as if they were decorated with daggers. People seldom ventured outside in the evenings these days, but you could see their faces peering from between curtains, gloomy silhouettes staring from their warm prisons.
Eir had chosen to wear a tight-fitting brown garment, and purposely made her dark hair a dishevelled mess so that she wouldn't appear wealthy. It felt liberating, to strip herself of normality and forced manners.
They walked the vacant, snow-slushed streets leading to the caves, the real Villjamur. Being packed together so close, she liked to think that each house would share some heat with its neighbours. And at least here there was shelter, while other zones of the Empire would be struggling with the encroaching onslaught of ice, struggling to find adequate food. It was no wonder that despite such urban hardships she had witnessed, the refugees had accrued outside the city gates. The poverty in her own city had been revealed to her, and as they continued along the streets she passed more homeless people: young girls her own age asleep in decaying archways, rumel families staring lifelessly into contained fire-pits. Her wealthy existence had been so disconnected from it all. She had not known until Randur pointed this out, and just the one visit down here had opened her eyes. She never knew the city possessed such darkness. If she had known how the world really worked, would she have done more about it?
Through labyrinthine passageways, into a well-lit stone square, overlooked by cramped terraced housing, where women leaned out of narrow windows to men who called back up to them from below. A sense of ritual. Someone began beating a drum and a few of the gaudily dressed women sidled into the centre of the scene, whilst old men sat together on benches in the corner, smoking pipes and talking loudly, their faces displaying a happiness she had not witnessed since the temperature began falling.
'Randy, you made it!' She recognized the voice as Denlin's. 'And you've brought your girly. Ain't that swell.'
'Denlin, you old bastard.' Randur turned instantly back to Eir as if to apologize for his language, then back to address him. The old man slapped Randur on the shoulder and gave a low bow towards Eir.
'Not here, Denlin,' she hissed. 'Here I'm just like any other woman.'
'Sure you are.' He smiled.
'No, really. Tonight I just want to dance.'
'That'll be the lad speaking, I reckon.' Denlin turned to study Randur.
'It's not like that,' Randur protested. 'She's her own woman, this one. Takes more than a fool like me to have an effect.'
She liked the reference to her being a woman. For some reason it seemed important.
'If you say so,' Denlin said. 'Anyhow, looks as if they're readying…' He indicated the couples poised to take to the music.
Eir watched with wonder as the local women guided the men, so naturally led them. Rhythms became precise, fast, heavy till footsteps became quickly moving across the square. The dancers kept calling out to each other, drawing attention to the next flamboyant move. They kicked in the half-light and the scene filled Eir with a primitive excitement.
'You ready?' Randur whispered, and held out his hand to her.
'I'm not sure,' she faltered. 'They're so good. I don't want to embarrass you.'
Denlin interrupted, 'Whale cocks, lady. Get out there and enjoy yourself. This is about fun, not being all prim and proper.'
So they joined in the Formanta, more about leg movements than anything else. She didn't like this one too much, hadn't practised it to the extent of the others, and at first she felt awkward, to be dancing here in front of all these strangers. But with increasing confidence they weaved a complex pattern through the other dancers. There was exhilaration and tension and poignancy. Their contact soon began to transcend the postures. They held each other intimately, for an age it seemed, in that forgotten corner of Villjamur.
With these humble people she felt totally at ease for the first time in her life. This was an unlearning of her childhood, stripping away her pretentiousness, her airs and graces.
At the end of the first few dances, Randur poured the two of them some cheap wine, while she watched the revellers around her. People talked in shadows, laughter spilling across the cobbles. Children ran to meet the adults who had just performed, staring at them with a renewed sense of awe. No doubt at all about this, these people had more fun than any she had ever witnessed in the fore-city.
As the evening crept on, a wide variety of dances were performed. They both became inebriated and their rehearsed postures collapsed regularly. She found it hilarious. Inside her mind there was a letting go of something she didn't realize she was unconsciously clinging on to.
*
Hours later, people began to leave. The silence of the drums left her feeling vaguely disappointed. Torches burned down low. Denlin had left earlier with an old woman, their arms linked, and Eir felt this was heart-warming somehow, and perhaps this was just how you felt about other couples when you were falling in love yourself.
Eir and Randur danced quietly across the courtyard. She was drunk, perhaps, but she desired him, right then, in whatever way it could be offered. She wasn't aware of the rules of such a situation, and was tentatively exploring the limits of her own self. A line had been crossed and she realized that she could not simply return to being who she was before she met him. There was no going back. It surprised her pleasantly to understand that she could now only push forwards.
'What are you thinking?' she asked. 'I need to know.'
'Nothing much.'
She liked the way that there were just the two of them here now. It brought a surreal texture to the scene, as if the sun had finally died leaving only the pair of them on earth. Utterly alone.
'It must be something. I can tell by the way you're looking at me.'
'You wouldn't like to know,' he said.
'No, I would.' She was willing the words into his mouth.
Randur absent-mindedly placed his hands on her waist.
Finally he said, 'I was thinking how… how much I'd like to take your clothes off.'
'Here?' she said, considering her heart might stop beating. His language was so direct.
Eir looked around to make sure their conversation wasn't being overheard, and by that gesture she let him know his suggestion was all right. Randur bent down to kiss her neck.
'How do… how do I know that you're not just treating me like any other conquest?' She could barely voice the words, so tightly was she holding on.
'If I said anything, would it matter anyway? You'd always suspect me of not being serious, wouldn't you?'
Eir didn't know what to say so she just moved towards him and kissed him with a startling gentleness. His hands shifted up around her back, slid down to her thighs as she shuddered in anticipation.
She led him by the hand to the corner of the square, then down a small alley that she had barely noticed earlier.
Randur said, 'You sure you want this?'
'Yes.' She laughed at his sudden uncertainty.
