ever get to be the only thing I really wanted to be:
The only real, actually feasible, seemingly attainable goal that I’d had was to be a bonafide, real-deal teenager—and just like
But still, maybe that was just me. As far as I knew, Bodhi had an entirely different way of seeing these things.
I turned back to Prince Kanta, my shoulders lifting as I said, “There was a girl. A really pretty, dark-haired girl. And even though I know it was Rebecca in disguise, Bodhi couldn’t see that. To him, it was someone he recognized, and he raced after her like…” I paused long enough to replay the scene in my head, remembering the look on his face, the longing in his voice, before I looked back at the prince and said, “He raced after her like he really, really missed her. Though I’m afraid I don’t know anything more.”
The prince’s gaze narrowed and darted as though he was alerted to a sudden change in the area, his back stiffening, shoulders squaring, as he said, “Now just keep that in mind. No matter what happens next, no matter where you find yourself, just stay focused on your friend. Do
And even though I wanted to smile and nod and give him two big thumbs-up along with a superconfident reply of
The reality is, I just stood there and gaped.
The words “The moment you let your mind stray from your friends,
Because the truth was, there was no denying the fact that I wasn’t all that great at staying focused. In fact, I had a really bad habit of jumping from one thing to the next. And as far as my thoughts were concerned, well, most of the time my mind was nothing but a big ol’, jumbled-up mess.
But unfortunately, I didn’t get to express those concerns. Instead, I just stood there, wide-eyed and mute, as Prince Kanta whispered, “She’s here.”
And that’s the last thing I heard before I was separated from the prince and sucked even deeper into her world.
14
It’s like, one moment I was standing before the prince like the world’s biggest shell-shocked doofus, and the next I was somewhere entirely different. Noticing how the scorched landscape had made way for a carpet of patchy weeds and rich, red-tinged soil, while the relentlessly falling ash had transformed into a clear and sunny day, allowing me a beautiful view of a pristine blue lake.
I narrowed my eyes and gazed all around, seeing the still navy waters, the towering pine trees, the smoldering campfire … the memory of something nudging me, prodding me, as I gazed down at my clothing and took a quick inventory of faded hand-me-down jeans, mud-covered pink-and-silver sneakers, and a lime green sweatshirt with the sleeves yanked down well past the tips of my fingers in order to hide the charm bracelet I’d
And suddenly, I need look no further.
I knew exactly where I was.
My last trip to the lake.
My last trip with my family.
The last place I ever visited—or at least as a living, breathing resident of the earth plane.
The last time I’d ever hug my parents, play fetch with my dog, or joke around with my sister as a real, live, flesh-and-blood person.
The last time I’d ever be dumb enough to believe that the thing I’d looked forward to most—my thirteenth birthday—was just around the corner.
Everything about that scene feeling as real as it did that day.
Only it wasn’t real. Not even close.
And while part of me knew that, it was only a very small part of me.
Somewhere inside, on some deep-down level, I knew I needed to turn away and focus on something else. Something extremely important. Something in need of my utmost attention.
But the truth was, I was so caught up in the scene, I could no longer remember what that important thing was.
Couldn’t imagine anything more significant than focusing on the splendor that played out before me:
Buttercup running in circles and barking like crazy before jumping into my dad’s SUV and settling onto my knee.
Ever and I bickering and fighting and basically driving both our parents crazy.
Ever discovering she’d left her prized sky blue Pinecone Lake Cheerleading Camp sweatshirt behind, and begging my dad to turn the car around and head back to the lake so that she could retrieve it.
My dad agreeing to do just that despite his concerns about the traffic.
Me singing along to a Kelly Clarkson song I blasted on my iPod—partly because I liked it, and partly because it annoyed Ever.
A deer appearing out of nowhere, dashing right into our lane, as my father swerved to avoid it, smashed through the guardrail, down the embankment, and into a tree that left us all dead.
Me not realizing I was dead.
Me feeling so fine, and good, and alive that halfway across the bridge to the other side I changed my mind and went back to search through those vast fragrant fields for my sister.
Only to find she’d returned to the earth plane—to her body—to life.
Only to discover the horrifying truth that I no longer could.
A fact that made me so
A rage so deep, burning so bright, it turned the once vibrating, pulsating field back into its original state of scorched, burned, and unforgivingly seared earth.
Prince Kanta’s warning
Prince Kanta was gone.
He had no role in this story.
My entire world had been reduced to a small plot of land consisting of nothing more than my deep seething anger and me.
15
I sank to my knees, threw myself onto a large pile of ash that instantly blackened my clothes, and cried and screamed and cursed and wailed, just like I had then.
Though it’s not like it brought my family back.
It’s not like it returned me to the way I had been.
Still, I was unable to stop, unable to remove myself from the scene.
Unable to focus on anything other than the neverending cycle of anger and rage that threatened to consume me.
If you asked how long it went on, well, the truth is, I have no idea. Somewhere between an eternity and a handful of seconds would be my best guess. Either way, it was far too long for me to be carrying on like I’d been.
