'This must all be very overwhelming for you, Nikki.' Something about the way he said it, all apologetic, made a thick lump show up in my throat that was very hard to swallow. Overwhelming. Yes, this was definitely overwhelming. My brain couldn't process it all. I'd come here wanting to confront my father and ask him a million questions, but now I could barely find the words to speak. But, at least I hadn't turned and run screaming out of the castle yet. That was something.
I was using Michael as my anchor. Sure, I didn't know him very well, and the fact that he still hadn't been terribly forthcoming about who he really was didn't help. But I trusted him when he said nothing bad was going to happen.
He looked at me now with concern in his green eyes. 'You okay?' he asked quietly. I nodded. 'So far so good.'
My father's expression grew more serious and his eyebrows knitted together. 'I will assume that you hate me.'
I shook my head. 'I don't hate you.'
Surprisingly, it was true. This was the man who I'd assumed I was supposed to hate for the past sixteen years, the man who'd abandoned my mother and who I wanted to give a good piece of my mind to. And yet, now that I was finally face-to-face with him, I couldn't summon up that emotion at all. Fear? Sure.
But not hate.
He looked taken aback at my answer. 'You don't?'
'Um. . hating you is actually far down on the list of importance for me right now. I… I need some answers.'
'Of course.'
I finally let go of Michael's hand and he took a step back from me. I looked at him with alarm.
'It's okay, Princess,' he said. 'I'll be right here.'
With effort, I turned my attention to my father. 'So it's all true. Everything Michael has told me.'
'I suppose that depends on what he's told you.'
'You're a demon king? For real?'
He nodded. 'Yes.'
'A demon,' I repeated as if to clarify it one more time. Maybe I'd heard wrong. Maybe it was a foreign word that meant 'doctor' or 'lawyer' or 'construction worker.'
He nodded to confirm that he was, indeed, a demon.
I swallowed even though my mouth was as dry as a sandbox by then. 'But you look so normal to me.'
'Normal is in the eye of the beholder, Nikki,' he said. 'I can look different should I choose to, but I felt that my human form would be best to meet you in.'
I gaped at him. 'Your human form?'
'Demons can shapeshift to either human or demon form.'
I thought about my red, slitted eyes when I'd broken Robert's arm and felt a chill run down my spine at the memory. 'What does your demon form look like?'
'As one brought up in the human realm, you might find it a bit. . unusual.' He hesitated. 'However, this is how I choose to look now. You must come to realize that appearances are unimportant. I am the same man in my demon form as I am right now. The difference is merely on the surface.'
I felt woozy suddenly and sucked in a quick breath of air. 'I think I need to sit down.'
After a moment I heard something heavy dragging across the marble floor and noticed that Michael had brought a black cushioned chair for me.
'Here you go, Princess.' He smiled. 'We wouldn't want you to faint.'
'I'm not going to faint.'
'Better safe than sorry.' He stepped back again, into the shadows at the edge of the room. I wanted to ask him to stay with me, by my side, but I didn't. I could handle this. I could be brave.
But I did sit down. There was a table nearby and I dragged the chair to it. My father sat across from me and clasped his hands in front of him.
He studied me for a moment. 'You look well, Nikki. I'd feared. . that I was too late in contacting you. I worried that your Darkling would have already emerged and possibly done irreparable damage to you. Michael explained what a Darkling is?'
I nodded. 'Half demon and half human.'
'That's right. You're very special.'
In my mind, I went over what he'd just said, trying to force myself to feel at ease, but I became more tense with every passing moment. 'What damage did you expect to happen?'
His expression shadowed. 'I don't know. It's been a millennium since the last Darkling lived.'
I breathed out. A millennium. A thousand years. That was a long time.
'So, I guess you getting my mom pregnant wasn't planned.'
'No, it wasn't planned.' His jaw tightened. 'However, I need you to know that I cared for your mother very much.'
I felt bitter hearing that. 'I'm sorry if I find that hard to believe. After all, you haven't exactly been around for sixteen years.'
He didn't say anything for a moment. 'I'm sure your mother must have been terribly confused.'
I felt tears prick at the backs of my eyes but I refused to cry. Why did I decide to come here? I wished there had been another solution to figuring everything out. 'Confused doesn't even begin to cover it. I'd go more for heartbroken, angry, pissed off, mad as hell. Those would be a little more accurate than 'confused.' ' Pain slid behind his eyes. 'I never meant to hurt her. Or you.'
I would have had a few more snappy comebacks to that- maybe something along the lines of 'deadbeat dads are a dime a dozen'-but all I felt was raw.
Besides, this wasn't a typical father/daughter reunion. I was in the middle of another dimension in a freaking demon castle. Sarcastic comments would have to take a backseat at the moment.
'Whatever,' I said instead. 'Can we talk about something else?'
'No, you need to know this, Nikki. Until two days ago, I didn't even know you existed. And I thought your mother was dead.'
My mouth gaped at that. I turned to look at Michael standing in the shadows, maybe to have him confirm what my father had just said. His arms were crossed and his face expressionless except for a small frown.
I turned back to my father. 'You didn't know I existed?'
He shook his head. 'All those years ago, I was allowed to leave the Shadowlands for one month. I'd always wanted to go to the human realm. I thought of it as just a vacation from my normal existence, but when I saw your mother. .' He swallowed. 'I fell instantly in love with her. I imagined bringing her back here to be my queen, but that wasn't going to happen.'
I forced myself to breathe. 'Why not?'
'I'd led her to believe I was just another student at her school, but I wanted to tell her the truth so badly. The day I was going to, I was summoned back here.
One moment I was in your world, and the next I was here, unable to leave the castle.'
I tried to wrap my head around what he was saying. 'But. . but couldn't you have sent a message to her?'
He pressed his lips together, his expression showing the pain he felt inside. 'I tried. As soon as I could, I sent some-one to find her-much like I sent Michael to find you-and when he returned I learned that Susan had been killed in a car accident. I mourned her for a very long time. I felt that if I'd been with her she might have been okay, but instead she was gone and I had no reason to try to make contact with the human realm again. I wanted to forget, or try to forget, as much as I could.'
I blinked rapidly. 'But she wasn't dead. I don't think she's ever been in a car accident.'
