'You don't think that maybe that's something you'd try to remember?'
'Let's not be antagonistic,' said Brant. 'Next question, please.'
'Do you remember anything at all about being dead?' asked a heavyset guy in a tacky blue suit without being called on.
'Nothing,' Stanley admitted. 'In fact, if Mr. Brant here hadn't forced me to look at photos of my refrigerated corpse while he had me tied to the bed, I probably still wouldn't believe that I was dead.'
Stanley glanced over at Veronica. She was no longer giving him the thumbs-up sign.
Brant seemed completely unphased. 'Unfortunately, the process of resurrection is not a pretty one, and of course you all saw Mr. Dabernath's reaction when he first became aware of his surroundings. Certain precautionary measures were and will continue to be necessary to keep this scientific marvel from accidentally harming himself.'
'I guess I can be kind of a klutz,' Stanley told the audience. They laughed. He pointed to a drop-dead gorgeous brunette near the back. 'Your question?'
'How do you feel about being dubbed The Amazing Mr. Corpse?'
Stanley shrugged. 'It's not very scary, is it? Somebody who looks the way I do should have a spooky name. Maybe The Terrifying Mr. Corpse. The Grotesque Mr. Corpse. The Oozing Mr. Corpse.'
'Of course, we prefer to stick with The Amazing Mr. Corpse for PR purposes,' said Brant.
'Look at this, he brings me back to life and thinks he's my agent,' said Stanley. 'I owe him a hundred percent of my soul and twenty percent of my income.'
The audience laughed again. Stanley relaxed some more. This wasn't so bad. At the very least it would probably drum up some business for Demented Whackos Video.
He called on another pretty girl. 'What proof do we have that you really did come back to life and this isn't just an elaborate hoax?' she asked.
'You could come up and touch me.'
'Seriously?'
'Sure.'
The journalist stood up. Stanley watched the sexy way her hips moved as she made her way through the row of reporters and past the security guard in the back who was holding a gun and pointing it at-
As the bullet struck him, Stanley stumbled backwards against the curtain. A second gunshot rung out as he tumbled to the floor, a stinging pain in his chest. He heard screaming and the thunder of footsteps and felt two pairs of hands pull him to his feet and rush him off the stage.
A door behind him slammed shut.
'Stanley, can you hear me?' asked Brant.
Stanley was too stunned to respond.
Brant and Veronica hurriedly unbuttoned his suit and then the white dress shirt underneath it. Stanley saw a bullet hole in his chest, just to the left of his solar plexus, but there was no blood.
It hurt like hell.
'Stanley, can you hear me?' Brant repeated. 'Curse if you can hear me.'
'Fuck!'
'He's fine,' said Veronica.
'I'm not fine! I just got shot! I'm the exact opposite of fine, thank you very much! Maybe we should shoot you and see just how fine you feel, huh? Oh, I know, let's find the psycho in the back of the room and borrow his gun!'
Veronica put her hand on Stanley's shoulder. 'Shhhhh. You're babbling.'
'I'm not babbling! I'm ranting!'
'Either way, settle down. You need to stay calm.'
'It hurts.'
'I know it hurts, but you'll be okay. See? There's no blood.'
Stanley looked at the gunshot wound again. 'I know you meant that to be reassuring, but really, the lack of blood is kinda freaking me out.' He touched the hole and winced.
'We'll have Dr. Arnzin dig out the bullet as soon as possible,' said Brant.
'Oh, now that's making me feel calmer.'
'I suppose we could just leave it lodged in your body.'
'Don't be a prick.'
'I am not the one engaging in prick-like behavior, Mr. Dabernath. I don't expect you to be grateful for what we've done for you, but you could at least be somewhat less hostile.'
Stanley sighed. 'Okay, I'm sorry. It just hurts!'
'Did I hear right?' asked Brant. 'Did the Amazing Mr. Corpse just apologize? What kind of surreal world have we entered?'
'Don't be a prick.'
There was a knock at the door. 'Mr. Brant?' asked a voice through a small speaker.
'Yes?'
'The shooter has been subdued and locked away, sir. We're evacuating the press.'
Brant stood up. 'Good, I want to be there for the questioning.'
'He's unconscious at the moment.'
'Not for long. Veronica, take Stanley back to the bunker and have the bullet removed.'
'Yes, sir.'
Brant exited the room, closing the door behind him.
'I'm sorry you got shot,' said Veronica.
'That's okay.'
'When you're a scientific miracle, it's only natural that some people are going to be afraid of what you could mean to the future and lash out like that.'
'If you say so. Personally, I want to know why he just didn't assume that I was some idiot in a spooky mask.'
'That's what most people believe, I'm sure.'
'Which part? The idiot or the spooky mask?'
Veronica smiled. 'You're really something, you know that?'
'Yeah, but think how much it would've sucked if you'd spent all that money to bring a boring guy back to life. You know, the pain in my chest is fading pretty quickly. Is that the natural order of things or should I be concerned?'
'No, it's fine.'
'Good. So am I, like, immortal?'
'The Immortal Mr. Corpse?'
'I'm serious. I mean, can I die? What if he shot me in the brain?'
'I'm not sure.'
'What if he threw a machete at me and lopped off my head? Would I just be this living head, rolling around on the floor?'
'That seems unlikely.'
'Unlikely, but not impossible, right? What if I get burnt up? Will I be this pile of living ashes? So I could get cremated and scattered to the wind, and each individual ash would be alive, and some old guy might accidentally inhale me and I could be living in his stomach until his digestive juices start to-'
Veronica placed her finger on his mouth. 'Stanley? Stop talking.'
'Yes, ma'am.'
'Let's get you back so we can take care of that bullet.'
'Is it going to hurt?'
'Yes, it's going to hurt, and you're going to use lots of vulgar language, and you're going to be sarcastic towards the nice doctor who's just trying to make your chest bullet-free.'
'You think I'm a jerk, don't you?'
'No, I just think you like to behave like one.'
