Veronica shrugged. 'I think he's getting better. We did three sample run-throughs of the interview. It would've been easier if the producers had been willing to give us the actual questions, but I think we've got a pretty good idea about how it's going to go.'
'That's good to hear. Is he still an obnoxious cretin?'
'He's getting better. I think he'll be fine during the interview. I really do.'
Brant nodded thoughtfully. 'I'm going to trust you, then. Because ultimately his behavior is your responsibility.'
'It's not like I can sit behind his chair and zap him with a cattle prod if he gets out of line. I've been working with him. I'm comfortable putting him on television. But he's not going to be Cadbury.'
'Cadbury?'
'Richie Rich's butler. The perfect gentleman.'
'Ah.'
'How come nobody ever gets my pop culture references?'
'The only pop culture reference I'm interested in right now is Stanley Dabernath, the Amazing Mr. Corpse.'
'He hates that nickname.'
'Woe is him. The interview is tomorrow evening. Do I have your assurance that he won't humiliate Project Second Chance?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Perfect. Then I very much look forward to reaping the fruits of our labor. I'll have three bottles of the finest champagne waiting here. I sincerely hope that we'll be in a celebratory mood.'
CHAPTER TWELVE
Stanley sat on the comfortable brown chair, feeling extremely nervous. He wasn't used to that. He suspected that it had something to do with the fact that his last public speaking engagement had ended with a bullet puncturing his chest.
He was in the same building where they'd held the press conference, although now it had been redecorated into a fairly cozy set where the interview would take place. Various members of the television crew were scurrying around, finishing all of the last-minute setup. Donald Mandigan was seated against the far wall, having his makeup done.
'You'll do fine,' said Veronica, placing a reassuring hand on Stanley's shoulder.
'I know.'
'Just be eighty percent yourself and everyone will love you,' she said with a wink, as she left to discuss something with Brant.
Stanley fidgeted with his tie. He wasn't in a three-piece suit this time, but rather a light blue dress shirt and dark blue slacks. He thought he looked pretty good in it, all things considered, but he just wasn't a tie man.
'Three minutes!' announced one of the stagehands.
Donald walked onto the stage and over to Stanley's chair. 'Hey there, you're looking a lot better than when I saw you last!'
'Thanks.'
'You've got some pretty good lungs for a dead guy. Anyway, just relax. The interview will be done before you know it.'
The director ushered Donald aside, and so Stanley resumed his fidgeting. It had never really occurred to him before that this was his chance not to be a complete outcast in the world. He was, after all, a zombie. A dead guy. A freak. If the public didn't like him, he could end up in a circus, shouting 'Booga-booga!' at people for fifty cents a head. Or living in the bunker forever, with nothing to look forward to except the next ghastly medical experiment performed upon him.
He had to make a good impression. Not for that creep Brant, but for himself. Hell, if he made enough money off of his newfound celebrity, he could pay for his own damn injections and live wherever he wanted.
Witty and charming…grateful to be alive…chuckle at Donald's crappy jokes…
Donald sat down in his own brown chair across from Stanley. 'Everything okay?'
'Everything's great.'
'Outstanding.'
Stanley closed his eyes and visualized himself giving an amazing interview, one that professors would be teaching to students for centuries to come ('Now that, class, is how a zombie should give an interview!'). Then he visualized Veronica naked again, just because it was an enjoyable visual.
Brant hadn't felt this queasy since…well, since the resurrection. It was crucial that Stanley be likable; the project was controversial enough without the end product being disagreeable to the general public. There were plenty of 'bad boy' celebrities, but they had some leeway from audiences in that they were usually physically attractive and had never been dead. If people were repulsed by Stanley's appearance and his personality, the money just wouldn't materialize.
Still, he wondered if it had been a bad idea to take such severe measures with Stanley so soon. He never wanted to be a cruel person, but it wasn't like he could simply run out and resurrect another, less annoying cadaver. He wasn't happy that it was Dabernath who met the conditions for resurrection, but he had to play the hand he was dealt. Unfortunately, he'd received a joker, and so he had to be heartless.
And if Dabernath botched the interview tonight, Brant could be much more heartless.
Some uncatchy theme music began to play, and Stanley watched on the large monitor as 'THE AMAZING MR. CORPSE – THE LIVE INTERVIEW' appeared. Snazzy logo, using a skull in place of the letter 'O.' This was followed by 'WITH DONALD MANDIGAN.' Donald's 'O' wasn't a skull.
Donald turned to the camera closest to him. 'Hello, I'm Donald Mandigan. This week, a record number of households witnessed the live resurrection of Mr. Stanley Dabernath, the Amazing Mr. Corpse. When he first returned to the world of the living, he looked like this.'
The image on the monitor switched to Stanley in his underwear, sitting up and shrieking. The bad words were bleeped out.
'Following that, The Amazing Mr. Corpse gave a press conference. I'm sure you know the results.'
The image shifted to Stanley getting shot in the chest. Damn, thought Stanley. I look like a complete sissy.
The image switched back to Donald. 'But now, Mr. Corpse is sitting right in front of me, and I have to say, he looks just fine. Welcome, Stanley.'
'Thanks, Donald,' said Stanley, a bit surprised by the squeak in his voice. 'Glad to be here.'
'Tell me about the underground bunker where you've been living since you started living again. How are your accommodations?'
'They're okay.'
Be quotable, damn it! Quotable!
'This is our first time to actually get to sit down and talk. Tell me, when you look at the video of your resurrection, how does it make you feel?'
'It's kind of embarrassing, actually,' Stanley admitted. 'Now I know how celebrities feel when talk show hosts show really bad clips from early in their careers. I just want to say that I was not responsible for the choice of boxers.'
Donald chuckled. Stanley relaxed.
