switching to the other. It positioned her at the centre of conversation and brought up a wall between Aakash and me that had never existed before. As she became comfortable, she began poking fun at my Hindi, embarrassing me for speaking well rather than for speaking badly. ‘Oh,’ she teased, when I used the Hindi word for election, ‘using such big words and all. Even I don’t know words like that.’
I became curious about when they’d met. Megha beamed, and resting a small, fleshy hand cluttered with diamonds on Aakash’s lime-green T-shirt, said, ‘What now, it must be six, running seven months?’
‘Seven months?’ I gasped.
It was nearly exactly as long as I had known Aakash. I suddenly remembered, and now understood, what the Begum of Sectorpur had been referring to all those months before.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ I said.
Aakash, seeming to enjoy the deception, said, ‘I couldn’t have, man. It’s all been very secret. She came as a client. I was meant to make her lose weight so that her parents could find her a match, according to her caste, which, by the way, is much lower than mine.’
Megha nodded, apologetically adding, ‘We’re Aggarwals, the business caste.’
‘
At this, the two of them eyed each other and laughed.
When their laughter died down, Megha explained, ‘He’s a homo.’
‘A homo?’
‘You know, homo?’ she said, then rattled off, ‘Homo, a gay, fajjot.’
‘Anyway,’ Aakash continued, ‘her financial status is very differ from mine. No one in her family knows anything about us. In fact, I think I can honestly say that if they found out, they would probably try and kill me.’
‘My brother suspects,’ Megha inserted, ‘maybe.’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘The homo saw us leaving Junglee together,’ Aakash added quickly. ‘But what can he do? Zero.’ Aakash stressed this by making the numeral with his finger and thumb.
Megha felt some explanation was needed. ‘You know, money is status. That’s a fact of life, but me, I don’t believe in all of this. I can only marry a man whom I respect. Money comes and goes, but respect lasts. All the guys I meet in Delhi, they just want to work for their fathers and live off the family business. Only Aakash is someone I see who wants to make something of his own.’
Megha, as she became more energetic, had taken off her red turban and crumpled it in her lap. Her limp medium-length hair was streaked blonde in places; she had a nose ring. Without the turban, her features were thicker still, her head heavy and round.
The mention of marriage alarmed me; I felt a joke had been taken too far. At the same time I could see how a girl like this, rich, strong-willed and clearly in love with him, could be a great asset to Aakash. Though he enjoyed stressing her ‘healthiness’, deriving from it a kind of boisterous fun that Shakti also shared in, Aakash seemed to see a kind of virtue in her form. It was as if some notion of strong traditional values – of a woman who supports her man, and there were songs about this kind of thing in India – had become tied up with her substantial size. By choosing her, he expressed his contempt for the lithe modern girls he trained at Junglee. And I was not at all certain whether her weight was really so off-putting to him. His mother was fat; the begum had been fat. Certainly behind Shakti’s laughter there had been a note of understanding, as if Shakti was congratulating him on making so robust a choice. In fact, the only person who was deeply uneasy was me. And Aakash, for whatever reason, whether pre-empting me or aware of my discomfort and hurt by it, or simply taking a kind of pleasure in offending my soft tastes, did all he could, after months of secrecy, to include me in his relationship with Megha.
Now smoking at will, sipping his beer, his turban still on, he read into my silence. As was so often the case with him, he had not introduced me to Megha without a purpose. He said, ‘Our love match is not going to be easily accepted by this world. I’ll need my friends. If things become difficult, you’ll help me, no?’
‘Me? How can I help you?’
‘You can. You know people. Your mother’s a journalist. The owner of TVDelhi just hangs out in your girlfriend’s house.’
‘The owner of TVDelhi, who do you mean?’
‘You know that woman who was there that day at Sanyogita’s when Lul was reading his homo story.’ At this Megha’s wet lips opened and her laughter rang out. I looked at Aakash in puzzlement. A private moment passed between them. Her eyes were full of some unexplained significance, which Aakash dismissed with a firm look. ‘The woman,’ he continued, ‘with the red bindi and the grey hair, and those huge silver bangles, owns TVDelhi.’
‘I had no idea,’ I said, genuinely surprised.
‘Please, man. You have to do this for me. In this country, we can’t trust the police, we can’t trust NGO workers, we can’t trust government people, but we can trust the press. You have to speak to this woman about our situation. Just so we have help, if we need it.’
I couldn’t understand his urgency. ‘For what?’
‘For nothing yet,’ he said, draining his glass and sitting forward. ‘But maybe later.’ Removing his turban, his messy look pasted to his head, he added, ‘Should things get ugly.’
14
The first pale sky of the winter was reflected in the tanks of dark water outside the National Museum. Pedal boats glided over its glassy surface, dark small-leaved jamun trees dotted the esplanade and bright ice-cream trucks crowded the edge of the grass. In the distance, a runway-sized road led up to the President’s Palace, and Parliament, a low, punctured cylinder, brooded on the side. Nearer to the domed, sandstone museum, a black rubber hosepipe lay in the grass, choking out a wide puddle of smelly water.
A writer had come to town. My mother was a friend of his wife and was hosting a dinner in their honour. He was a writer I had come to admire. I had first met him in London when I was eighteen and on my way to college in America. He had advised me not to go: ‘Indians go to these places and all they ever learn is the babble.’ At the time the remark offended me, not because of what was said but because of his tone: cold, dismissive, uncaring that he had upset my plans. I went anyway.
The next time we met was in Delhi and I was in my last year of college. I was writing a thesis at the time on how the Mahatma, through a programme of celibacy and dietetics, had sought to overcome the body. In doing so, he negated the source of interests in Western society, interests such as property and self-preservation, making it possible for him to fight the British with a coin different from theirs. For all their threats to his body, they would never have any purchase over his soul. The writer listened for a while, sipping a martini he had been complaining about earlier, then said, ‘But there’s a great flaw in your theory. Because the British could have killed him; they could have destroyed his body. Then there would have been nothing to house his soul. What kind of victory is that?’ The adviser in college who had fed me the idea for the thesis hadn’t thought of that. When I went back to him with it, he confessed that the true rewards of the Mahatma’s programme were not temporal but metaphysical. I did the thesis, but lost interest. I read the writer’s books instead, all of them, carefully. He was the first writer I had read in this way. I felt a great feeling of release reading the books. He could take big ideas such as colonialism, defeat, occupation and show their effects in small human ways like lying and boasting, in hidden anger and resentments. I felt the writer release me from a sense of entitlement that I had about the West, a feeling that since they colonized us they owed us education, technology, duty-free goods. He released me by exposing the attitude as not post- colonial in any real way, but still very colonial; one that some in the West might happily endorse. It was an attitude that would forever leave us robbed of responsibility and the privilege of blaming oneself for one’s failures.
My mother was hosting a dinner for the writer, but first he wanted to go to the National Museum to see the bronzes; he asked that I come along. I’d never been to the National Museum, though I’d been to many museums in many countries; I had never seen any bronzes. I was waiting in the porch of the museum when the writer’s Ambassador drove in. His wife was with him, a handsome Punjabi woman with green eyes.
‘Leave it, leave it in the car,’ she said of the writer’s green felt hat. She thought it would make him look English.
