“No,” he said. “I’m empty.”
They sat down on her floor, and Trevor folded his legs beneath him like an Indian guru. “So what are you doing here?” asked Retta, trying to keep things business formal.
“I missed you,” he said.
She said, “You don’t even know me.”
“Sure I do,” he said. “I know you better than you think, remember?” He tapped his temple like he did the day he’d given her a ride.
“So you read minds?”
“A little,” he said. “Enough to know you’ve been wondering where I’ve been for the past week.”
“
“But you’ve been wondering more than everyone else,” he said. Retta made a face that said, You are so stupid.
“You have,” he said. “Admit it.”
“Okay,” she admitted. “Maybe.”
“Loretta,” he said. “Loretta, Loretta, Loretta,” he said, like her name was something musical.
“What?”
“I was just thinking about your name. Do you have a nickname?”
“No,” she said.
“Doesn’t anyone call you Lo?”
She shook her head.
“Then that’s what I’ll call you. Lo.”
“Loretta is fine.”
“But Lo is much better,” he said. “Can’t you feel it?”
“Feel what?”
“The sadness in Lo. The anguish.”
“I don’t feel it,” said Retta. “No.”
“Because you don’t like feeling,” he said. He stood and went to her mirror, primping his fauxhawk, which wasn’t really out of place. “You don’t like feeling because it hurts too much,” he said. “You numb yourself to feelings. But you feel more than you ever let yourself know.”
“Okay,
“You feel like you’re going to tear this town down. You feel like you’re waiting for something to happen, for someone to tell you what you want. You feel all that and more. You feel a lot, Lo,” he said. “You feel so much.”
Retta looked down at the carpet and didn’t say anything. He left the mirror and came over to her, his red Chuck Taylors inching into her vision. She looked up, blinked, unsure whether to be angry or relieved that he’d said all that. That he’d known.
“I can help,” he said. “We can help each other.”
“How?”
“I can take some from you, if you let me.”
“Take what?”
“Some feelings.”
“You know,” said Retta, “I’ve been very tolerant and accommodating about your condition, but at this point I think I should probably say that I never quite believed you and your friends. Nor the old woman on CNN this past week, nor the librarian, nor the blind musician downtown.”
He sat down across from her again and said, “Let me show you.”
“Really, Trevor,” said Retta, ready to protest, but her next words surprised even her: “Okay, sure. Show me.”
He reached over and grabbed her hands from her lap, his fingertips brushing against her palms, tickling. Then he closed his eyes, and Retta felt something move inside her, displacing her organs, shifting around. She shivered. Then it was in her chest. She tried to say, “Maybe this isn’t something I want to do after all,” but she couldn’t. By then it was in her throat. She gulped, trying to swallow down whatever it was. Then she opened her mouth and began huffing and puffing. Tears formed, trembled, rolled down her cheeks. She couldn’t stop them. She couldn’t take her hands away from him either, even though Trevor barely had hold of them. She was stuck, breathing in short, sharp bursts, whimpering. Then he opened his eyes, licked his lips, and said, “Thank you.”
She took her hands away and wiped the tears from her face, stood up, and almost fell over. Her center of balance was nonexistent. The room spun, then slowed to a stop. She felt like she could lift off the floor, drift over to the window and out into the sky if she wanted. “I think you should go,” she told him.
“I won’t be able to go down that trellis now,” said Trevor. He stood, put his hands in his pockets again, sheepish. “I’m full now,” he said. “The trellis probably won’t hold me.”
Retta said that he would have to go as soon as her parents were asleep. He assured her he’d leave as quietly as he’d come. “Where were you the past week, anyway?” asked Retta.
“At school,” he said. “I don’t go to your school. I don’t live in your town. I live in the next town over.”
“Do people there know you’re a vampire?”
“Yeah,” said Trevor. “But it’s pretty liberal there. No problem.”
“Am I going to become a vampire now that you fed on me?” she wanted to know.
“No,” said Trevor. “Vampires aren’t made, they’re born.”
“So I couldn’t be a vampire even if I wanted?”
He said, “I don’t think so. No.”
“What a waste,” said Retta. “What a waste of a perfectly good cultural icon.”
The next day, Lottie said, “I’m afraid for our friendship.”
Retta said, “Lottie, why does everything with you have to be a chick flick?”
“It so does not have to be a chick flick!” said Lottie. “Seriously, Retta, you have been a total space-a-zoid for the past few weeks. It’s not cool. Everyone has noticed.”
“Who’s
“I’ve made some other friends, I guess,” said Lottie. She stopped walking down the mall concourse and took hold of Retta’s arm, squeezing gently. She’d brought Retta here, to the place where they’d spent most of their free time the past few years, in a last-ditch attempt to remind Retta about the bonds of their friendship, to surround her with shared memories of shopping and telling each other they looked good in certain outfits. But as Retta looked around at all the neon commerce and mass-produced entertainment surrounding her, she couldn’t help but sigh and wonder why none of any of it made sense to her any longer.
An enormous man eating a Frisbee-sized chocolate chip cookie passed behind Lottie as she waited for Retta to react to her declaration of having made other friends. The fat man was the sort of thing Lottie usually would have seen coming a mile away and would have commented on; and, at one time, the two of them would have bonded over making fun of him. Retta felt her face flush, embarrassed. She didn’t want to be the sort of person who boosted her sense of well-being by laughing at other people’s addictions, just because she herself didn’t know what she wanted so badly. And though she would have disapproved of Lottie’s blithe nastiness, now she just wanted her to say something terrible. It would have made ignoring her plaintive grasping easier.
“You’ve made other friends,” said Retta. “That’s nice. Who are they?”
Lottie winced. She was wearing a T-shirt Retta had bought in a store for boys a year ago, lent Lottie six months ago, and never gotten back. It had a yellow smiley face smack dab in the middle, stretched across Lottie’s ample chest. Lottie folded her arms over the face, as if to emphasize her unhappiness. Even the smiley face wasn’t allowed to be happy.
“It doesn’t matter who they are, Retta,” said Lottie.
“Loretta,” said Retta.
“What matters,” said Lottie, “is me and you. Us! What happened? We’ve spent our whole lives together and now we’re graduating next weekend and you’re all like, Whatever whatever, I’m in love with a vampire!”
“I am so