Seeing him down there reminded her of the first time she had run into him at the playground. She frowned at the memory. It had taken her almost twenty minutes to get back here from Jake’s house this afternoon… and yet Jake had just happened to come here the other day to think? Becca’s skin prickled.
When she didn’t answer, Jake motioned her down the ladder. “Come down here and we’ll talk.”
“I’d rather not.” She crouched in a defensive position, waiting for him to climb the ladder after her.
Instead, he sat at the bottom of the rusted slide. “Why did you come to my house, anyway?”
Now that she didn’t seem to be in any immediate danger, Becca’s earlier anger began to boil up, overtaking her fear.
She was so sick of being lied to.
“I’m not the one who needs to explain myself. If you’re not working for Internal, why did you want to know about Heather? Why did you take me on that date? Why did you lie about your mom? Who did your dad think I was?” Her voice rose with every question. “And why did you go nuts when I came to your house?”
“I told you,” said Jake. Not angry like she had expected. Quiet. Defeated. “I wanted to know about Heather because I didn’t think it was right the way everyone was treating her. That’s it. And I took you out to dinner because I like you—is that so hard to believe? As for the rest…” He looked up at her with pleading eyes. “Can’t you just forget about all that?”
Becca raised her eyebrows. “You’re kidding, right?”
“I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know what was wrong with me. As soon as I realized what I had said to you…” He hunched over, curling his hands into fists. “I just want to make things right.”
“If you don’t want to tell me the truth, fine,” said Becca. “You leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone. But don’t try to pretend we have some kind of relationship, and don’t
“Please. Let’s start over.” He sounded like the words were choking him, like Becca’s answer was a matter of life and death.
“I already gave you that chance. We’re going in circles here. Tell me what’s going on, or don’t talk to me again.”
She waited… and waited. He didn’t speak. He didn’t even move.
He wasn’t going to answer her.
But he didn’t look like he was planning on leaving, either. And Becca couldn’t stay here all night.
She started climbing down the ladder.
Jake didn’t move as she made it to the bottom of the ladder, as she began walking toward the road. She paused and looked back at him one more time. He was still sitting a the bottom of the slide, eyes closed, fists clenched. She couldn’t even tell whether he knew she had moved.
Becca wanted to scream at him, to rush up and shake him until some sort of logical explanation fell out. But no matter what Jake told her, it wouldn’t be what she wanted. He could explain what he had done, but he could never explain her mother.
She kept walking.
As she reached the road, Jake called after her. “Wait.”
She stopped.
“I’ll tell you what you want to know.”
Becca waited while Jake dragged himself across the sea of weeds. When he reached her, he opened his mouth, then closed it again. It took him a moment to get the words out.
“Three years ago, Internal arrested me and my family.” It came out in a rush. “We weren’t dissidents. A friend of my dad’s was staying with us that year, and it turned out he was publishing a dissident newspaper. We didn’t find out until it was too late.” He looked at her with fear in his eyes. “We weren’t dissidents,” he repeated.
Most people probably wouldn’t have believed his denials. But Becca’s mom had told her stories most people never heard. Every once in a while, Internal made a mistake.
Of course, that was what she had kept telling herself about Heather’s parents.
But her mom had kil— They had been executed. Jake and his dad were still alive. Just like Heather.
“They let you go,” she said, thinking aloud. “So they must have realized they were wrong about you.”
Jake nodded. “But not until… not for a while. My mom died in there.”
Had they made her confess to something she hadn’t done? She tried to push the thought away. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s over now.” Jake moved his shoulders in a convulsive imitation of a shrug. “But that’s why I got like that when I saw you at my house. No one ever comes there—just me and my dad. And you saw what he’s like now. He’s… fragile. When I saw you inside, all I could think was that someone might hurt him.”
And no wonder, after what had happened to his mom. She shuddered.
“And that’s why I was asking about Heather,” Jake continued. “I wasn’t spying for anyone. I just wanted to know how she was doing, because I know what it’s like.”
“So why talk to me?” Becca asked. “Why not go to her directly?”
“I didn’t know if she’d want to talk to me. I figured she might just want to be left alone. Besides…” He paused. “It wasn’t just about Heather. I wanted to get to know you.”
Becca, still trying to process his revelation about his arrest, couldn’t respond with anything but a blank stare.
“When Internal let us go, everyone knew what had happened,” said Jake. “None of my friends would speak to me, except to call me a dissident. I got beaten up every day. I couldn’t fight back, in case hurting them got me arrested again. They broke one of my ribs once. I was afraid one day they’d go too far and kill me.” He rubbed his chest like he could still feel the pain of the broken rib. “We moved out to live with my grandparents—my mom’s parents—for a while. No one at my new school knew about any of it. I kept waiting for someone to call me a dissident, or to say something about my mom, but they never found out. I almost got used to it—being normal again.
“Of course, then my grandparents decided they’d rather pay for us to move back here than keep us in their house any longer than they had to. I guess I should be grateful they kept us around as long as they did—my dad isn’t exactly easy to live with. So they pay the rent and send us just enough money to live on—” A hint of bitterness crept into his voice. “—And we stay here where they don’t have to deal with us.”
He paused for a moment, staring at the ground. “When we came back here, I stayed as invisible as possible. I didn’t want anybody to recognize me. A few people have, but it’s nothing like before. But that’s only because I don’t let them notice me. I make sure not to be too loud, or too quiet, or too smart, or too anything.”
But he hadn’t been invisible when he had confronted Laine. He had risked having people notice him to help Heather.
She kept listening.
“I saw it happen all over again with Heather. But you didn’t turn on her, even after people started calling you a dissident too. I thought…” He laughed a little. “It sounds pathetic. I thought with you maybe I wouldn’t have to be invisible.”
What could Becca say to all that?
“I had no idea.” She shook her head. “I thought you were using me somehow—either to get information about Heather for Internal, or… I didn’t even know what.” She paused. “I’m sorry.”
“How were you supposed to know?” He stood awkwardly, hands jammed into his pockets. “So… can we start over?” His smile was so slight, Becca almost didn’t see it. “Again?”
By telling her what had happened to him, he had risked her turning against him like everybody else. He had poured his heart out to her. How could she turn him away after that?
She smiled back. A peace offering. “Of course we can.”
