“I – I don’t know what to say.” She found a chair, her body automatically folding into it.
“You aborted our baby. You didn’t bother to discuss it with me, and now you don’t know what to say?”
“Who told you?” Tears filled her dark eyes. She blinked them back.
“Does it matter? You not only destroyed our child, but any chances of having other children.” God he hated her.
“Of course. You golfed with Forrest today. So much for doctor-patient confidentiality. What did you do, get him drunk?” She gave a humorless laugh that ended with a sob.
Pain raced through him at her response. When had she lost her trust in him? “He assumed I knew. It’s a natural assumption. I’m your husband, for God’s sake.”
“You need to understand-”
“I’d
“I don’t know what Forrest told you, but you have to know how awkward it would have been.”
“Awkward. What do you mean?”
“We weren’t married. Or did the good doctor neglect to mention that part? My God, we’d been dating less than two months. I couldn’t possibly have told you. I was scared to death of losing you, or worse, making you feel trapped into marrying me. I wanted you to love me for myself, not out of some sense of obligation. And there was your political career to think of. It was the only decision I could have made, don’t you see?” Tears ran down her cheeks. Her body shook. “Please, you have to understand. I love you. I don’t want to lose you over this.”
“That was twelve years ago! Why the hell didn’t you talk to me about it? I had to find out like this. I
“Please, please calm down.” she begged. “I know when you look at this logically, you’ll understand.”
“You deceived me twelve years ago. and you’ve lied during our entire marriage.” He stood and towered over her, his fists clenched. “It’s unforgivable.”
She sat in her chair, sobbing. “No, please. Until Forrest did the testing. I didn’t know I couldn’t have children-”
“And I’m supposed to believe that? How could you do this to me? To us? You lying, conniving-” He raised his hand.
Carolyn flinched, her face streaked with tears.
Her reaction stopped him. He glanced at his threatening fist.
FOUR
Carolyn Alden Lane perched on the edge of the bed. The inky pitch of the moonless night mirrored her mood. Tired of sitting in the dark. she set her bedside lamp on dim and glanced at the clock: 2:07 A.M.
Lightning spiked the sky along the distant horizon. A gust milled the bishop-sleeve curtains that arched over the open window and a chill skittered across Carolyn’s arms and legs, raising gooseflesh. She gritted her teeth against the draft, refusing to give in to a wrap.
Mahogany wood furnishings loomed against the bedroom walls like sentries guarding the secret of her failed marriage. The shimmering satin comforter lay folded at the foot of their four-poster, a romantic touch that had long ago been dismissed.
Carolyn studied Warner, relaxed in sleep. The blended smells of aged bourbon, cigar smoke. and cologne surrounded him like a fragrant tapestry. His tousled dark hair added to his youthful appeal, belying his true age of thirty-nine.
For a year now. The battleground of their marriage survived in a state of ceasefire with each of them living separate lives. Warner found many reasons to stay in Washington, even when Congress recessed. Now, he lay beside her, a handsome stranger.
How could a woman so adept at navigating her professional life be so deficient in her personal life?
She crept out of bed and wandered around the spacious master suite. Her heart ached from the pain she’d caused. Exhaling unevenly, she looked across the room at Warner’s sport coat. Until now, she’d avoided the truth, but she knew she couldn’t any longer. The evidence of his infidelity existed, and she had found it.
Walking toward the desk, she stared at the sport coat draped over the chair. She slipped her fingers into the breast pocket, then pulled her hand back as if scorched. Carolyn bit into her lower lip, then glanced at Warner.
A soft snore escaped his lips as he rolled over.
Sliding her fingers back into his coat pocket. she pinched a corner of the note and pulled it free. With trembling hands, she unfolded the paper and read it again.
Perfume assaulted Carolyn’s nose as she read on:
The note wasn’t any easier to read a second time, she thought. Carolyn knew why Warner had done this, but his betrayal still pierced her. She dropped the note to the floor, then crumpled onto the desk chair as the impact of her discovery finally registered.
She covered her face with her hands, giving in to the tears that wet her cheeks and palms. She’d had the best in a man and a marriage, but she’d destroyed it all. She had no one to blame but herself.
At the time, she’d thought she had little choice about having an abortion. A worm of guilt gnawed at her. She still mourned the loss of her baby, even though she’d believed that it had been the right thing to do. Now, she was no longer convinced.
Considering the child’s father, she thought giving birth would have been selfish. But maybe she’d underestimated her own strength and Warner’s love. Could she and Warner have made a life, a family, regardless of the power of the child’s biological father? The guilt bore deeper into her conscience. She’d never given Warner a chance, never given their relationship the faith and trust it had deserved.
Even if it meant losing him, she should have been forthright from the beginning. Should she tell Warner the truth about the abortion now? After all these years, she knew that he’d never accept the whole story – that the pregnancy was from a previous relationship. And he’d only despise her more if he knew who the real father had been. No, she couldn’t tell him.
Abortion. The word echoed in her mind. That single event had destroyed her marriage, her life.
