Queen of the Demonweb Pits

those hundred days?'

The secretary shot a droll glance at her mistress. 'Affairs of state, Magnificence?'

'No, my dear dull darling. I have been contemplating revenge.' Lolth sniffed and regarded her companion. 'You're such a drab!'

'Yes, Magnificence.'

Lolth walked amongst the trees. 'There is a dreary proverb that revenge is a dish best savored cold.' Lolth draped herself elegantly over a branch. 'I believe revenge is a dish best savored alive and twitching.'

The secretary answered with a patient sigh. Six hands held a total of three notebooks and three pens.

'These beings, Magnificence, destroyed an entire city. Do not take them lightly.'

'Oh?' The demon queen contemplated the silver black widow brooches that were the mainstay of her clothing. 'And how, dear dunce, would you deal with them?'

'I would dispatch twenty demons to kill them in their sleep.' The secretary stabbed her pen into a notebook. 'I would grind the pieces to a powder and scatter them grain by grain into the deepest ocean.'

'And that, my dear, is why I am queen of evil, and not you.' Lolth gave the serpent-woman a sidewise glance. 'I don't want their death! I want their despair! Shock, horror, false hope, total panic! I want harassment for day after day, week after week. I want them in tears of fright and shame!'

The secretary looked at her mistress through lowered lashes. 'And then kill them?'

'Obviously kill them! Eaten alive by giant spiders, their living skulls used as my chamber pot, their souls made my screaming playthings.' Lolth brushed it all away. 'But the chase is the thing! We're talking of revenge quality, not quantity! What we need here is applied irony, with just a teeny dab of sheer injustice!' Lolth used the head of a statue as her perch. 'I have given two names to my itch: Escalla and the Justicar.' Lolth crossed her legs and clicked her fingers, accepting the crystal ball from her secretary. 'The process is simple. All we need to ask ourselves is what would enrage our little friends more than anything in the entire world?'

The time was drawing near when the first troops would come through the tunnel gate. The secretary tapped a pen against her notepad, bringing Lolth to order.

'Shall we get on with business, Magnificence? Surely the day is wasting.'

Annoyed, Lolth dusted off the crystal ball. 'You try me at times.'

The secretary froze, flicked open her notepad, and met Lolth eye to eye, awaiting orders.

It was a delicate game that the secretary played. Lolth had trapped her into slavery-and in return, the secretary had made herself indispensable. They both knew it was a delicate relationship based on mutual scorn and exasperation.

'Escalla the faerie.' With a snort, Lolth grabbed the crystal ball as Escalla's image glowed to life. 'Vain, egotistical, and with a dress sense that could cause a riot at a succubus orgy-although I must admit, I do like the gloves.' Lolth regarded her little victim with glee. 'A prodigal child, much loved by her father-a fact that enraged Escalla's sister, Tielle. We were grooming Tielle to betray the Seelie Court into our hands. Too bad it failed.'

Lolth tossed the crystal ball aside. Her secretary dived and saved the ball an instant before it smashed.

'In any case, here we are to set our first little wheels in motion!'

The rattle on the secretary's serpent tail gave a weary flick. 'And where is here, Magnificence?'

'Here is the place where we get things moving!' Lolth looked annoyed. 'Really, you're so dull. What was your name again?'

'Morag, Magnificence.'

'Morag?' Lolth recoiled. 'Erch! I should have guessed! How horribly appropriate. All right, I'll have one snake scale if you please.'

Morag thought about arguing, then decided it was hardly worth the effort. She winced, plucked a single scale from her tail, then handed it to her queen. Lolth inspected the scale, sniffed at its scent of brimstone and perfume, and leaped from her perch. She wandered over to an arch made from two statues that had tilted over head-to-head.

The portal flashed as the demon's scale touched its surface. The gateway transported the pair to a deep, echoing underground chamber-a place lit by sickly blue stalactites and filled by a vile quicksilver pool.

Lolth twiddled her fingers. The scale had disappeared, consumed by the gate.

'A terribly convenient way to travel. The portals run all through this little chunk of the Flanaess. They're known only to the faeries! How convenient we had one on our team.' The demon queen walked idly beside the great shallow pool. 'Of course, the faeries don't know where most of them go. We found this little haven by accident. Isn't it delicious?'

The demon queen found herself a seat and relaxed. Left to her own devices, Morag the secretary bunched and flowed her body over to the silvery pool. It shimmered sluggishly, as though driven by a slow, living pulse. Setting her ball, her horn, and her notes aside, the secretary leaned over the pool and looked down at her own reflection. She frowned in puzzlement.

From behind her, Lolth's multi-tiered voice chorused, 'It's called the vampire pool. I wouldn't touch it.' Lolth inspected her nails. 'It likes its blood very good or very evil, and it can't have yours. Not yet anyway.'

Minutes later, a flash announced the opening of the magical gate. Lolth stood, her face radiant with smiles.

'Ah! At last we are all here!'

A male faerie hovered in the air-a sly, dark creature in the dress of the Seelie court. Black leathers and a mask hid the little creature's identity. Behind him, hovering in mid air, there was a large and heavy bucket full of weird pink goo. The faerie saw Lolth standing cool and glorious before him, her long silver hair falling in a cascade to the floor. He bowed softly and elegantly, averting his eyes.

'Magnificence. You do me too much honor.'

'Yes.' Lolth walked silkily between the eerie stalagmites, giving a coy glance toward the little faerie lord. 'And have you brought me a gift?'

'Magnificence, I have brought you the present we discussed.'

'Ah. Excellent.' Lolth gave a droll wave of her fingers at the puking silver pool behind her 'And here is your reward. Within this pool is the power to wreak your havoc. If you wish to carve an empire out of the bodies of your enemies, then here you are.'

The faerie walked over to the pool and stared in fascination at the ebb and flow of patterns in the silver lake. Sleek and beautiful, Lolth tiptoed over beside him and smiled down into her own reflection.

'So much power! For evil blood, it gives the ability to sear your enemies to death!'

The faerie looked up at Lolth in raw greed and wonder. 'Do I scoop it out? Bathe in it?'

'Why don't you try touching it?'

The faerie grinned, then plunged his hand into the water.

And died. One moment, he was standing there, one finger extended into the pool, and in the next, he was a desiccated husk, drained of all blood.

Lolth's secretary sniffed in disapproval. Standing by the edge of the pool, Lolth kicked the dried, empty husk into the pool. The corpse disappeared with a splash that left a new tide line of ripples. The liquid glowed red with energy, and Lolth looked over at Morag's irritated glare.

Lolth shrugged. 'I'm a demon queen. Why would anyone take one of my suggestions?' She traipsed over to the bucket left beside the magic gate. 'Now, to business.'

The bucket was unceremoniously upended. Flowing sullenly out of the container came a pink puddle adorned with two eyes and occasional patches of hair. The eyes blinked up at Lolth, and turned wide with shock. Lolth twiddled her fingers, drifted a little shower of magic down onto the blob, and hummed a little tune as she worked, happy as a child.

'Up we come! Arise! Arise!'

Nothing happened. The blob blinked, Lolth frowned, and Morag sighed.

'You will need to expend actual power. The original spell was cast by the faerie Escalla.'

'I am aware of that!' Lolth did it properly this time. Standing above the pink blob, she opened her hands,