important, so urgent. “I—uh—yes, I thought so.”
Her laughter bubbled up again, but it didn’t last long. Not when she was looking at his very sober face. “Robert?”
“I’d give it up,” he whispered. “I’d give it up for you.”
“What?”
“I had to show you this. I had to take you in here to show you everything that I am. And I guess I had to realize that I want you more.”
She pulled back, but his arms tightened around her. “Robert, you’re not making sense.”
“I know I’m not. It’s because I just now figured it out. I haven’t been in here for a long while, not because I didn’t want to, but because I…I was thinking about you. And even when I was here, it was because of you. I… You’re more important to me than this.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I can’t be.”
He frowned, his mind still churning with his thoughts, his emotions. But in the end, he straightened up enough to look her in the eye. “Helaine, you are as important to me as all of this. More even, though that thought terrifies me in a way you can’t even imagine. A woman more important than what I have wanted my whole life?” He shook his head. “Inconceivable.”
“Robert—”
“But it’s true. I swear to you, it’s true.”
She pulled backward, not quite out of his arms, but she put more distance between them. “You’re getting carried away.”
“I know!” he cried, half alarmed, half incredulous. “And I never get carried away! Helaine, what have you done to me?”
She threw up her hands. “I have done nothing but tell you no. Over and over.”
He laughed. “You know that’s not the reason. Scores of women have refused me over the years.”
She released her own sharp bark of laughter. “Scores? I hardly think that’s likely.”
“Well, dozens at least. At least one dozen.”
“Robert, you are being foolish. Come now,” she said as she pushed at his shoulders. “Release me.”
He shook his head and slowly tightened his grip. He didn’t have to force her. She was reluctant, not refusing. “I don’t want to let you go, Helaine.” Her head was down, but he could put his mouth next to her cheek. He coaxed her gently to lift her face to his. “I want to keep you close forever.”
“I never thought you one for pretty lies, Robert.”
“That’s just the thing,” he said as he closed his eyes. He stopped trying to tempt her and just held her, breathing in her essence and feeling her glorious warmth. “They’re not lies.”
“Of course they’re lies,” she said. “Even if you mean them right now.”
“What if they’re not? What if I will feel like this forever? I’m not an inconsistent man, Helaine. What I feel for you is…is…”
“A fleeting fantasy?” She lifted her head to look into his eyes. “A passing desire?”
“Love. What if it is love?”
She gasped, her whole body tightening in his arms. She made to push him away, but he did not open his arms. He did not want her running, not yet. Not until they had worked this through. He was careful not to pull her close, but he could not release her. Not yet. Nor could he speak. The idea was too new, the feeling too special. So he held her and in time she stilled.
“You must let me go, Robert.”
“In a moment. Just…a moment.”
He felt her breath, warm and moist against his cheek. It was acceptance. She would not run, and so he slowly drew her the rest of the way into his arms. Good Lord, she felt amazing there. All soft and womanly, and yet he knew the strength she had in her. And the goodness. How he wanted to possess her. He wanted her beneath him, penetrated by him, and touched by no other. He wanted it like a territorial animal wants to stake a claim. And he wanted it the way a man wants to own a woman.
But he was not an animal nor was he ruled by his passions. He wanted her, maybe even loved her. But he would let her go if that was what she wished. So he did it. He took one last breath of her scent and then opened his arms. She stepped back slowly, confusion and a myriad of emotions crossing her face.
“Robert,” she whispered, “I do not know what to think. You take my reason away.”
His lips twisted in a rueful kind of smile. “You have been doing that for me since the very beginning.”
“This can’t last. And when it ends, where will I be?”
He arched a brow. “Are you sure? What if it is better than anything? Better than everything!”
She looked away from him, her eyes going to the bed. It wasn’t large by a viscount’s standards, but it was large enough for them. Just a man and a woman. He reached out to stroke her cheek. He couldn’t stop himself, especially when she closed her eyes and rested her cheek against his palm.
“You know me now,” he said softly. “You know you can trust me.” He gently pulled her gaze back to his. “I won’t lose control this time, Helaine.” He rolled his thumb across her lips. “Let me love you.”
She held his gaze for a long moment and he could see the indecision in her eyes. He didn’t say anything. He had already said more than he could credit. So when her body slowly released and her eyes drifted shut, he knew that her decision was made and he had not influenced it.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Please, Robert, please love me.”
Chapter 19
“Yes,” she said again because that was the only word she could manage.
His hands were trembling as he caressed her face. “I’ll be careful,” he whispered as he rained kisses across her cheeks, eyes, and nose. “I swear it, Helaine. I’ll be—”
She stopped his words. She didn’t want to hear about careful. So she lifted her face and met his lips, her mouth open, her tongue questing for his. She felt his gasp of surprise, quickly followed by a shift in his body. She didn’t understand what he was doing at first, but then she felt her legs swept out from beneath her. He lifted her up, carrying her effortlessly to the bed. And as he moved, she kept their mouths joined, their tongues intertwined.
A moment later, they were at the bed, but he didn’t release her. He just stood there holding her while his mouth played with hers. Oh, sweet heaven, how could any man kiss so beautifully? All thrusting power one second, then teasing withdrawal followed by tiny nips next before he rushed inside again. It was fun, and she found herself smiling from the sheer joy of it.
He took that moment to break away from her with a gasp. He bent down, slowly setting her on the bed, but he stayed with her, his forehead pressed to hers. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer, and soon he was sitting beside her on the bed. Thankfully, his hands were deliciously busy. They slid down her back and were undoing her buttons, loosening her gown even as she was the one now to kiss his mouth, his cheeks, his very strong nose.
“I love your nose,” she said as she skated her lips across it. Would his fingers never finish? Her gown was too tight. She could barely breathe.
