Chapter 42
Thursday March 27 th 2008
Got in a fight with one of the kitchen staff. Only the intervention of Ronnie the concierge stopped me losing my job.
I’d just been to the hospital to have my cast removed and was up on the eighth floor cleaning up after a late night drunk who couldn’t make it to the toilet to relieve himself. He had pissed into one of the plant pots and it had overflowed onto the tiled floor. Bucket and mop in hand I was trying to figure how to re pot the plant without touching the sodding thing when one of the kitchen crew appeared on my shoulder.
‘Chef says get your arse down to the main hall. Someone has chucked up at the entrance to the kitchen and he wants it cleaned up.’
I told him to piss off. Pee I can deal with. Vomit is something else.
‘Chef will be angry.’
Like I cared.
‘Very angry!’
I pushed him away but he came back at me and next thing we are on the floor, rolling around, trying to knock lumps out of each other. A guest must have complained and a minute later Ronnie appeared. He grabbed us both — Ronnie is built like the QE2 — manhandled us into the service elevator and out of sight before the assistant manager appeared.
I owe Ronnie big time. He told the manager that it was two guests that had been fighting but they had run off when he appeared.
I hate this job.
Chapter 43
Tuesday April 1st 2008
Ha, bloody, ha. The little shit that I fought with pulled an April Fool on me today. He got the head of maintenance to call me in. Technically the head of maintenance is my boss although I never really see him — mostly I’m on nights and he does days.
His name is Tam Kettering and he has been in the hotel business since birth. We’ve been having major problems with the plumbing on the top floor — six rooms are out of operation and the GM has been on Tam’s neck to get it fixed.
What I didn’t know was that they had just solved the problem and Tam was now the GM’s best friend. As such he was in an unusually good mood when I rolled up.
‘Ah there you are. Look, the plumbing on the top floor is still a bit dodgy and we’re short of some spares. Terry (his number 2) is up to his armpits in work. Can you give the suppliers a call and order up this list? Start at the top and make it clear we need the stuff ASAP.’
He handed me a bit of paper and I was dismissed. I went into the back office and put the list on the table. They had the gig well planned and as I finished dialling Tam re-appeared. He told me to be double quick and I missed the greeting from the person on the other end.
‘Hello this is the Excelsior Hotel here.’ I started. ‘I’ve been told I need to place an order for fourteen seals. It’s urgent.’
There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line and then the girl asked me to repeat what I had said.
‘Seals. Fourteen. It says here you’ll know what type but we need them quickly.’
Too late I heard laugher from the corridor — a lot of laughter.
‘Sorry sir but I’m not sure I can help. You do realise you are through to Edinburgh Zoo.’
I slammed down the phone and outside the door sounded like the audience at the funniest show on earth. I stormed out. There were at least eight in the corridor including the little shit.
Seals. Zoo. Ha, bloody, ha.
Chapter 44
Tuesday April 29th 2008
I’ve been off sick for two days and thought I’d try dictating my thoughts for the first time in a while. I still hate the job but I got a bit of a promotion and no longer clean vomit and piss.
Me and the kitchen lad are still at war but he is well wary after I caught him outside a week ago and introduced his nuts to my right foot.
If I keep going at this rate I’ll have enough cash to get to Mallorca by late July. The new job helps. I sometimes get front of desk and that means tips.
My guts are killing me right now. I tend to eat in the kitchen if I can and I swiped some meat from the fridge for a sandwich mid shift. If I have food poisoning I reckon I could send a bill to the hotel for the agony I have just saved them if a guest had eaten the stuff.
Martin is like a ghost at the moment. I do nights he does days. I’m gone before he is in at night and he is away before I’m back. I do weekends. He doesn’t. I’ve seen him twice in the last few weeks and things are getting strained. I’m paying no rent and he knows I’m earning — but I can’t afford to give him a penny. All I do is work, eat, shit, sleep and save.
End of recording for today. I need to go to the toilet. The meat is on its way back again.
Gordon Brown
59 Minutes
Wednesday May 14th 2008
Back in my scratcher. This time I’m down with the flu. Martin is sick of me big time. This is the first day I can sit up. It hit me hard and I’m an invalid. I went on line this morning to check flights but I’m next to useless on the bloody thing. The prices seem to be climbing by the day — the cost of fuel has gone bananas.
Martin mentioned the ‘r’ word this morning and I pretended I needed to throw up. I’m not sure how much longer I can freeload.
Gordon Brown
59 Minutes
Friday May 16th 2008
I invited the computer geek over on pain of death and he came. I asked him to do the internet thing and he came up with a package on a car, a hotel and a flight that I might just be able to afford.
He sealed the deal and I used my newly acquired debit card to pay ten percent now and the balance is due six weeks before I fly. I’ll need to pull out my finger and get in the overtime if I’m to meet the bill. There is an opportunity to move to the day shift and also pull some stints behind the bar at night.
Once I’m out of this bed I’m going 24/7 to put money in the coffers and then I can get on with my real life.
Gordon Brown
59 Minutes
Friday June the 20 ^th 2008
I paid the balance of the trip today and I’m dead on my feet. I’ve never worked so hard. I haven’t had a day off in over a month and I’ve been pulling double shifts six days out of seven. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve fallen asleep in the bar cellar or in the storage room behind the kitchen.
I’ve had endless stand up rows with Martin. He seems intent in making my life a misery. It all came to a
