Baltimore…“ She shook her head. “I guess you had me pegged right, Lincoln. I’m like every other outsider who moves to this town, who’s running away from another life, another set of problems. I wasn’t sure where I was going. I only knew I couldn’t stay where I was.”
“And flow?”
“I can’t stay here either,” she said brokenly.
“It’s too soon to make that decision, Claire. You haven’t been here long enough to build up the practice.”
“I’ve had nine months. All summer and fall, I sat in that office waiting for the flood of patients. Almost all I got were tourists. Summer people coming in for a sprained ankle or an upset stomach. When summer was over, they all went home.
And I suddenly realized how few of my patients actually lived in this town. I thought I could hang on, that people would learn to trust me. It might’ve happened in another year or two. But after tonight, there’s no chance of it. I said what I had to say at that meeting and the town didn’t like it. Now my best option is to pack up and leave. And hope it’s not too late to go back to Baltimore.”
“You’re giving up so easily?”
It was a statement designed to provoke. Angry, she turned to look at him. “So easily? And when does it get hard?”
“It’s not the whole town attacking you. It’s a few disturbed individuals. You have more support than you realize?’
“Where is it? Why didn’t anyone else stand up for me at the meeting? You were the only one.”
“Some of them are confused. Or they’re afraid to speak up.”
“No wonder. They could get their tires slashed as well,” she said sarcastically “It’s a very small town, Claire. People here think they know each other, but when you get right down to it, we really don’t. We keep our secrets to ourselves. We stake out our private territory and we don’t let others cross the line. Speaking up at a town meeting is opening ourselves to the public. Most choose to say nothing at all, even though they may agree with you.”
“All that silent support won’t help me earn a living.”
“No, it won’t.”
“There’s no guarantee any patients will walk into my office now?’
“It’d be a gamble, yes.”
“So why should I? Give me one reason why I should stay in this town?”
“Because I don’t want you to leave.”
This was not the answer she had expected. She stared at him, straining to read his expression in the gloom.
“This town needs someone like you:’ he said. “Someone who comes in and stirs things up a little. Who makes us ask ourselves questions we’ve never had the nerve to ask. It would be a loss if you left us, Claire. It would be a loss to us all.”
“So you’re speaking on behalf of the town?”
“Yes.” He paused. And added softly, “And for myself as well.”
“I’m not sure what that means.”
“I’m not sure what it means, either. I don’t even know why I’m saying it. It doesn’t do either of us any good.” Abruptly he grasped the door handle and was about to open it when she reached out and touched his arm. At once he fell still, his hand clutching the door, his body poised to step into the cold.
“I used to think you didn’t like me,” she said.
He looked at her in surprise. “I gave you that impression?”
“It wasn’t anything you said.”
“What was it, then?”
“You never talked about anything personal. As if you didn’t want me to know things about you. It didn’t bother me. I realized that’s just how it is up here.
People keep to themselves, the way you did. But after a while, after we’d known each other, and that invisible wall still seemed to stand between us, I thought:
Maybe it’s not just the fact I’m an outsider. Maybe it’s me. Something he doesn’t like about me.”
“It is because of you, Claire.”
She paused. “I see.”
“I knew what would happen if I didn’t keep that wall up between us.” His shoulders sagged, as though under the weight of his unhappiness. “A person gets used to anything, even misery, if it goes on long enough. I’ve been married to Doreen so long, I guess I accepted it as the way things are supposed to be. I made a bad choice, I took on a responsibility, and I’ve done the best I could.”
“One mistake shouldn’t ruin your life.”
“When there’s someone else who’ll be hurt, it’s not easy to be selfish, to think only of yourself. It’s almost easier to do nothing and just let things slide.
Add on another layer of numbness.”
A gust swept the windshield, leaving streaks of melting snow on the glass. Fresh snow swirled down, whitening over that fleeting glimpse of the night.
“If it seems I didn’t warm up to you, Claire,” he said, “it’s only because I was trying so hard not to.”
He reached, once again, to open the door.
Once again, she stopped him with a touch, her hand lingering on his arm.
He turned to face her. This time their gazes held, neither one flinching away, neither one retreating.
He cupped her face in his hand and kissed her. Before he could pull away before he had time to regret the impulse, she leaned toward him, welcoming his kiss with one of her own.
His lips, the taste of his mouth, were new and unfamiliar to her. The kiss of a stranger. A man whose longing for her, so long concealed, now burned like a fever. She too had caught the sickness, felt the same heat flush her face, her whole body, as he pulled her against him. He said her name once, twice, a murmur of wonder that she was the one in his arms.
The glare of headlights suddenly penetrated the snow-covered windshield. They pulled apart and sat in guilty silence, listening to the sound of footsteps approaching the truck. Someone rapped on the passenger side. Snowflakes slithered in as Lincoln rolled down the window.
Officer Mark Dolan stared into the truck. His gaze took in both Lincoln and Claire, and all he said was, “Oh.” One syllable, an ocean’s worth of meaning.
“I, uh, I saw the doc’s engine running and wondered if everything was okay,”
Dolan explained. “You know, carbon monoxide poisoning and all.
“Everything’s fine,” said Lincoln.
“Yeah. All right.” Dolan backed away from the window. “Night, Lincoln.”
“Good night.”
After Dolan had walked away, Claire and Lincoln sat without speaking for a moment. Then Lincoln said, “It’ll be all over town tomorrow.”
“I’m sure it will be. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.” As he stepped out of her truck, he gave a reckless laugh. “Truth is, Claire, I don’t give a damn. Everything that’s gone wrong in my life has been public knowledge in this town. Now, for once, something's gone right for me, and it might as well be public knowledge as well.”
She turned on the windshield wipers. Through the clearing glass she watched him wave good-night, then walk away to his car. Officer Dolan was still parked nearby, and Lincoln stopped to speak to him.
As she drove away, she suddenly remembered what Mitchell Groome had told her earlier that evening about Damaris Horne’s inside source.
Dark-haired, medium build. Works the night shift.
Mark Dolan, she thought.
The next morning Lincoln drove south, to Orono. He had not slept well, had lain awake for hours mulling over the night’s events. The town meeting. His conversation with Iris Keating. The damage to Claire’s office. And Claire herself.
Most of all, he’d thought about Claire.
