Myth-Told Tales

'You must never use that kind of language in front of a lady!'

If I had not been resolved already to discredit and drive these females from my purview, I was now. How dared she humiliate my friend! Charilor let go of my chest fur and let me stagger uneasily to my feet. I went to my little sister's aid, raising her from the chair across which she was draped.

'I'm okay,' she croaked, though her face was as colorful as Guido's. I imagine that if one were to part my fur I would be as battered as she. She clung to me for a while, then tottered away. 'Look at this place!'

I surveyed the ruin of our erstwhile establishment, then looked back at her. 'Place mess,' I said.

Vergetta looked up from the punishment she was dealing Guido. 'Why, you're right Charilor, this will never do!' She sprang up, spryly for her appearance. 'We must clean up this tent at once.'

'You bet,' the younger Pervect said. As readily as they had set about destroying it, they began to tidy it With a wave of her hand the elder Pervect reunited the shards of our shattered mirror, heaving it back into place on the hook on the wall. Charilor picked up all the scattered bottles and jars, and sorted them into various shelves and boxes.

'No, they don't go there,' Tananda said, running after her. 'Put that over there. No, the cosmetics go on that shelf! Please! Don't mix the scale colorants with the nail varnishes! We won't be able to find anything when you're done!'

Charilor paid no attention, though Tananda pounded on her back with all her strength. I went to take her by the shoulders. They were shaking with fury. Her eyes blazed up at me.

'No wonder Vineezer didn't want them in his shop anymore!'

'Take it easy, Little Sister,' I whispered. 'Calm. Keep control. We're nearly there.'

Stifling her anger, she watched as the two females transformed the ruin they had created into a perfectly neat and incomprehensible whole.

'There!' Vergetta said, dusting her hands together. 'All better. Now, there's just the little matter of the last quarter gold coin that you owe us for this week.'

This was it. I held myself tense as Tananda went humbly forward, her hands working together.

'I told you, we just don't have it. You've got all the money we took in. We're even talking about food money.'

'Now, now, chicken, it's not so bad,' Vergetta said, picking up Tananda's chin with a cocked finger. 'You'll eat tomorrow. What about bookings?'

Tananda showed her the appointment ledger. 'We didn't make any more for today. We didn't know when you were coming, and frankly, you scare the other customers.'

'So?' Vergetta asked, raising a scaly eyebrow. 'How do you plan to pay off the rest of your debt?'

'Service?' Tananda asked, hopefully. Only I saw the glint in her eye. 'If youll let us give you the works ... I mean, our best beauty treatment, everything, exfoliation, styling, manicure, makeup. I promise youll get your money's worth. It'll be more than a quarter gold coin's value.'

The two Pervects conferred for a moment 'It's not so standard, but why not?' the elder said. 'Just this once, maybe.'

'Yeah,' Charilor agreed. 'You do a pretty good job on the others. Okay.' She swung into the nearest, most recently repaired chair and settled back. The works. Careful, though. I'm ticklish.'

I moved in on her, ringers outstretched, to begin the scalp massage. I hoped neither of them could see the tremble in my hands.

It took longer than we expected, since none of us could find a thing in the rearranged shelves. Tananda kept up a pleasant line of meaningless chatter as she filed the tips off the Perverts' claws and varnished each one a shimmering hue.

'The gold goes with your eyes,' she assured them. 'All my Pervert customers like yellow, but this is a special shade I save for the best clients.'

Like every being who had sat, crouched, or hovered in those chairs during the last few weeks, Vergetta and Charilor preened and bridled when they beheld their gradual transformation in the glass.

'And now,' Tananda said, winding cotton batting in between their fingers so the top coat of the polish wouldn't smear, 'our cosmetician, Mr. Guido, will put the crowning touches on your beauty treatment.'

We both held our breath. Guido didn't look at all tense. He knew the job he had to do.

'Okay, ladies,' he said, loading a brush with pigment 'Tell me if it tickles.'

In all his days as a reluctant beauty consultant he never had a finer hour. His strokes were ones of genius, drawing subtle tones of red, ochre, and more gold up to the tips of the Perverts' large, pointed ears, down to the sides of their cheeks and over their brows. Curlicues of jewel hues decorated their eyelids and around their cheekbones. An orange-red that did not shock against the green of their scales was applied to their lips. As they admired their reflections, Guido took up his fluorescent palette and added very subtle enhancements here and there, decorating the backs of their heads in a Baroque and complicated design. When at last he put down his brushes, Vergetta rose and picked him up in an enveloping hug.

'Honey, you're a genius. And this is all original art?'

'Ill never do another one like it,' the enforcer promised, a grin coming unbidden to his lips.

'Okay,' Charilor said to Tananda. 'You're right This is worth more than a quarter coin. Good job.'

'I think so,' my little sister gushed, trying not to laugh in front of them. 'Thank you. Now, enjoy your day. I think youll find it feels so different when you've been worked over... I mean, given the full treatment... I mean, been enhanced by A Tough, A Troll and A Trollop.'

Vergetta pinched her cheek. 'You're so cute. See you next week, then, darling.'

And the two Pervects sauntered out into the sunlight. We watched them until they were out of earshot.

'How long do we have until the paint starts to react?' Tananda asked.

'About fifteen minutes,' Guido replied.

'We had better depart from here, then,' I said. 'When does Murgatroyd's team come to retrieve the equipment?'

Tananda squinted at the sun. 'In about an hour. I paid the damage deposit.'

'We won't get it back,' I said, cheerfully. 'Coming, Guido?'

'Just one more thing,' the enforcer said. He carefully put his slab of paints down on the floor, then smashed his foot through it Wiping his foot on the bare ground, he grinned up at us. 'I've been wanting to do that for over a week.'

'You've earned it,' I assured him. 'Don Bruce will be very pleased with you that everything is going to be back as he prefers it'

'As long as he don't hear about how I did it' He felt an eye with gingerly fingers. 'Including the part about lettin' myself get beaten up so they'd fall for the ploy.'

'He won't hear it from us,' I promised. 'It would bode ill for our reputations, as well.'

'In about five minutes, those two are going to come boiling back here,' Tananda said, digging out our D- hopper from its concealed space under the rug. 'We'd better hop out of this dimension for a while. I would also like to put some ice on this eye, and maybe a little concealer.'

'Don't do a thing,' I told her, taking her arm and escorting her out into the sun. 'You look beautiful just the way you are.'

'Twice now those three T's have gotten away with paying short,' Charilor complained, as she and Vergetta marched down the street toward their next stop.

'Don't worry so much,' Vergetta said, waving a hand. 'This time did they tell us to go away? No, they found a way to pay in kind. That shows they're intimidated. They'll behave themselves.'

'Good,' Charilor said 'I'd hate a good cleaning to go unappreciated.'

'Oh, how I hate it when they grouse,' Vergetta agreed, tapping the ground with her cane. 'But we do look gorgeous. Admit it'

'Ex ...' a Deveel said, peering curiously as he overtook them.

Vergetta nodded her head regally. 'What does 'ex' mean?' Charilor asked. 'Who knows? Might be the latest slang for 'pretty hot mama.''

Two Imp maidens carrying embroidered straw marketing bags passed them, then giggled loudly. Charilor spun, glaring. The girls hurried away. A male voice behind them spoke slowly, as if uncertain what he was