Goldbug. He was the master of the metal-eating insects!
I growled.
Guido and Nunzio caught on in a trice (I told you that they were bright for Klahds), and surrounded him, two crossbows pointing at the daunted lordling's ribcage.
'So, there's no monster, huh? Just exactly how do you know that?'
Cornered, Dalhailey babbled.
'I mean, I don't see one, and though I've never heard of an invisible monster, I'm sure that maybe they exist in some dimension, but what is it doing here?' Terrified, he turned to Petherwick. 'Help, my liege!'
'You see,' Nunzio said, 'he was using Goldbugs to steal the money right out from underneath your noses. They can't get far on their own, so he must bring them in on nights when there's a lot of gold in the Treasury. He knows when you've had a successful promotion; it's his job.'
'Traitor!' Petherwick spat.
'So that's what you were doing in the store last night!'
Howadzer boomed. 'You were spying out the Treasury, planning to steal more of our hard-earned receipts!' He turned to the Treasury guards. 'Seize him!'
The guards hesitated. Howadzer's face turned crimson with fury.
'What are you waiting for?'
'They're all in on it,' Guido said. 'Those bugs are kind of hard to see in the dark, but this tower is very well lit You couldn't miss a swarm of the size that can eat a pile of gold in a single night I bet that he started turning them to his side a long time ago. It don't pay good to be a guard, and you're risking your life for someone else's coins, right? A few more coins here and there would help make life much more comfortable. Wouldn't it?'
'Kill them,' Dalhailey gritted through his teeth.
The guards turned toward us. Guido and Nunzio swung the points of their crossbows to cover the quintet. I showed my teeth. It was clear that though we were outnumbered, we were not outmatched. The guards' hands dropped from their hilts.
'All right,' Guido said. 'Are you gonna surrender, or am I gonna have to call someone for a cleanup on aisle 3?'
The customers of King-Mart applauded.
'Great show,' said a Deveel with a goatee. 'That's why I shop here.'
'Turns out,' Guido said, after a satisfying pull at a big mug of ale brought to him by Bunny upon our return from Deva, 'that Dalhailey was settin' up to finance his escape from King Petherwick's service. He bought a few of Lord Howadzer's men to get them to go along with his plot.
Usually it was the same guys night after night, until Petherwick got the idea to teach everybody all the jobs. When a newcomer wouldn't go along with the scheme, well, by morning he was in no shape to tell anyone about it About the whole Treasury guard staff was in on it Howadzer never knew. You think he was unhappy
'And we were able to work it out all because of your little pal here,' Nunzio said, patting me on the head.
'Gleep!' I exclaimed, thanking him for recognizing my contribution.
'Yeah, he kept circling the old boy and sniffing, until Dalhailey finally confessed how he did it, by bringing in a whole swarm of Goldbugs.
Skeeve sat forward, his face alight with interest. 'Goldbugs! I've never heard of them.'
'I figured maybe not,' Guido said, producing a crystal vial. 'So I brought you a few.'
'King Petherwick was right all along that the problem was pest control,' Nunzio said. 'He just didn't know that it was his own minister who had infested the store with them. He kept the ones he was using for the night in a box, and let them loose within sniffing-range of the Treasury. Later, he held out a lure to get them back to the box. If we caught him walking around in the dark, well, he was just looking out for the king's interests, or figuring out a new display that would advertise the merchandise. It was the perfect cover.'
Skeeve examined the container. 'Matt black, so you can't see them in the dark even if they're moving.'
'Yeah, I don't blame the Shutterbugs for missin' 'em, or us, either. But Gleep spotted 'em. He brought 'em to us, but if Nunzio hadn't known what they were, we might have missed the significance, since Gleep couldn't explain to us.'
'Gleep!' I said. My pet and I exchanged knowing gazes.
Skeeve poured a few of the bugs out onto his palm. 'They really eat gold?'
Nunzio grinned. 'They sure do. Then, if you wait long enough, they excrete it, too. It's a slow way to make a fortune, but Dalhailey was plenty patient, and he had lots of bugs.'
I snaked out my tongue and scooped a couple of the bugs off Skeeve's palm.
'Hey!' Skeeve said. 'Those are my specimens!' CRUNCH!CRUNCH!CRUNCH!
'But we got the confession outta Dalhailey too late. The bugs was already gone from the hiding place. Dalhailey wailed that one of his confederates musta gotten away with 'em. Petherwick filed a claim with Don Bruce to make his losses good. The Don wants shut of this guy so bad that he sent over a messenger with a strong box and a quit claim. We're rid of King-Mart, but the Don is out the money. Well never get it back.'
I felt the sensations of regurgitation beginning that I knew that small number of Goldbugs would trigger, on top of the vast number I had already eaten. I crouched at Guido's feet.
HUCK! HUCK! HUCK!
'No, Gleep!' Bunny commanded. 'Not on the rug!' Obedient to her wishes, I moved a few inches to the left. In a moment, I heaved up my prize at Guido's feet.
A steaming mass of molten gold the size of a prize pumpkin shimmered on the floor. I sat back on my haunches with a fragrant sigh.
'Guess we know what happened to the Goldbugs' Skeeve said, with a smile.
'Gleep,' I said.
'I take back anything I ever thought about this dragon of yours, Skeeve,' Guido said, patting me. 'He's smart.'
Skeeve and I exchanged a secret wink. I settled down on the carpet with my head on his foot.
MYTHING IN DREAMLAND
By Robert Asprin and Jody Lynn Nye
The dark green roof of the forest stretched out endlessly in every direction. To most, it would look like an idylic paradise. To me, it was a major problem.
I gazed out over the massed pine trees, wondering what kind of wilderness we'd gotten stuck in. A few bare crests, like the one I was sitting on, protruded above the treeline, but they were miles away. None of it looked familiar, but no reason why it should. There were thousands of dimensions in existence, and I'd only been to a few.
At the very least, it was an embarassement. Here I was, considered publicly to be a hotshot magician, the great Skeeve, utterly lost because I'd tripped and fallen through a magic mirror.
I went through my belt pouch for the D-hopper. I was sure it was there somewhere. I wasn't alone, of course. Behind me, my partner and teacher Aahz paced up and down impatiently.
'I told you not to touch anything in Bezel's shop,' the Pervect snarled. When a native of the dimension called Perv snarls, other species blanch. The expression shows off a mouthful of four-inch razor-honed fangs set in a scaly green face that even dragons considered terrifying. I was used to it, and besides, I was pretty much to blame for his bad mood.
'Who'd have thought anybody could fall through a looking glass?' I tried to defend myself, but my partner wasn't listening.
'If you had paid attention to a single thing I've said over the last however many years it's been ...' Aahz held up a scaly palm in my direction. 'No, don't tell me. I don't want to know. Garkin, at least, should have warned
