Myth Alliances

— W. DISNEY

'What about you?' Vergetta echoed. 'You Wuhses will be on your own. It's why you brought in the big tough magician and his friends, isn't it?'

'Well,' Wensley began, 'you ten have been essentially in charge of everything for the last two years. If you pull out and go home, then… we lapse. We'll go back to the way we were before. Sink into debt.' His slitted eyes were wide with fear.

'Then you need a new government,' I suggested. 'One with backbone.'

'Led by whom?' Wensley asked. 'Who could possibly step in and tell people how to do what you've been doing?'

I looked straight at him. 'You.'

His voice rose up into an even more strangled squeak. 'Me?'

The Ten look him up and down.

'Why not you?' Tenobia said. 'As Wuhses go you've been pretty assertive. You have shown some leadership potential.'

'Oh, no,' Wensley protested, abashed. 'What an unkind thing to say.'

'Not where I come from,' I stated firmly. 'In fact, calling something 'average' is almost an insult. You could be in charge of Wuhs's rebirth.'

'Oh, I couldn't.'

'Oh, yes, you could,' Zol insisted. 'Why, with the example of the Pervects before you, you could create a government that all Wuhses would be proud of.'

'But they hurt people's feelings, and they step on toes,' Wensley complained. 'Someone will have to say 'no.'' He looked alarmed. 'I don't know if I can do that.'

'Sure you could,' I informed him.

'My friend,' Zol began encouragingly. 'You need to reach inside yourself for the resource you showed in going to find Master Skeeve…'

The Wuhs looked even more alarmed. I stiff-armed him out of the way. 'Wait a minute, Zol. This kind of therapy really should be left to a specialist in assertiveness.' Zol looked puzzled but Vergetta grinned.

'One side, Honey. Allow me.' She took the Wuhs's face between her hands. 'Kiddo, starting tomorrow, we're going to reopen both of the old product lines. You guys are going to have to leave behind your old handcrafts, which weren't selling anyhow, and start making anything that our inventors here come up with.'

'Well, of course,' Wensley agreed, as amiably as anyone could with his cheeks flattened by Perv claws.

'And in the meantime, you are going to take lessons from us. We're gonna teach you how to think like a Per-vect, walk like a Pervect, talk like a Pervect, and above all… eat like a Pervect. Think about it! What could add more fire to the belly than a real, honest Pervish meal? Once you can muscle a bowl of Potage St. Auugh down your throat, handling a bunch of Wuhses who want to spend your money on a complete set of last year's Super- bowl tickets should be a piece of cake. What do you think? I can go and rustle up some stew right now.'

'You're too kind.' Wensley gasped at the very thought of Pervish food. 'Really, it's very considerate of you to think of my nutritional needs, but I'm sure there must be another way to instill the virtues…'

'Doesn't put the lead in your pencil the same way, Sonny. Should I go get some for you? You can eat it right here. I insist. You'll love it.'

Wensley seemed to be going through the most incredible internal discomfort. He wriggled and squirmed, but Vergetta had a firm hold on him. Gradually his protest worked its way up to his mouth. A nasal hum emerged.

'Nnn…'

'What?'

'… Nnn… nnn…'

'I can't hear you!' Vergetta bellowed, leaning close. 'What did you say?'

'Nnn… nnn… nno… No!' Wensley shouted. His eyes flew wide at his own boldness. 'I did it! I said no!'

Vergetta wore a smug smile. 'Once. You said no once. But you'll get used to it.'

'Excellent!' Zol exclaimed. 'There, do you see? And every time you need to say no in the future, you can picture this lady's most impressive persuasion.'

'Congratulations,' Charilor cheered, slapping him soundly on the back. 'You're president.'

'Oh, I can't be. That will take consultation with all of the other committees. They may have views they wish to offer…'

'Nobody will disagree with you,' Niki interrupted. 'If there's anything I've ever learned about you Wuhses, it's that if you tell them something's got to be, they just accept it. Face it. You're in charge now.'

Wensley looked astonished, but pleased. 'I… I don't know how we can ever thank all of you.' 'Oh, you've got our bill, darling,' Vergetta reminded him. 'You'll pay it. Put it on the debit side of the clean new slate you're starting today,'

'And you can buy my books for everyone to read,' the little gray man added. 'That way you will have a written guideline to mental self-sufficiency. I'll be delighted to offer you a bulk rate.'

Wensley called a mass secret meeting to announce the outcome of the morning's action. Most of the Wuhses came out of curiosity, to find out who had torn whom apart. They were all thankful to see Wensley alive and well. He and Kassery wouldn't let go of one another, kissing and whispering together. Bunny_ sighed.

'It's so romantic,' she kept saying. I don't know why that made me feel uncomfortable, but it did.

When we had all the committee leaders safely stuffed into Montgomery's inn and sealed the doors closed, I thanked them all for coming.

'We've reached a new understanding with the Pervect Ten,' I explained. 'You all know my friends. I'd like to introduce our guests. I think you know them?'

Into the midst of the Wuhses a loud bamf heralded the arrival of the Pervects. There was a general stampede for the doors. If we hadn't barred them magically I would have lost my entire audience in five seconds.

'You have nothing to worry about!' I shouted over the panicked bleating. 'From today onward you will be led by a Wuhs. The Pervects will go back to being consultants, answerable to him, as they were supposed to be from the beginning.'

'But who?' Gubbeen asked curiously, once we had coaxed him back to the table. 'Who is this Wuhs who will lead us?'

'Wensley,' I announced, putting my arm around the hero of the day. 'He'll be a great leader. He was ready to sacrifice himself for your greater good, and he's ready to serve you in a less life-threatening capacity.'

'But,' began Ardrahan, puffing herself up indignantly. 'The style with which we are most comfortable is for everyone to have an equal voice in all decisions.'

'Not any more,' I informed them. 'That didn't work. That's how you got in trouble in the first place. Wensley's ready to take all your input and be fair in his judgment, but the final decision has to rest with him. He's in charge now.'

As Niki had predicted, the committeefriends conferred and complained, but in the end they agreed with everything we told them to do. The Pervects were relieved. Wensley and Kassery were elated and awed but ready to try. The disenfranchised spokesWuhses were doing their best to influence the new leaders to see their points of view. And I was ready to go home.

'Well, that's that,' I stated, shaking hands with Zol Icty. 'So, are you going back to Kobol now?'

'No, indeed,' the little gray man informed me happily. 'I am going to stay here to observe the Pervect Ten assist our young friend there in finally putting Pareley back on the financial map, and then I will go back to Perv with them. I want to study them very closely for the new book I am researching: I'm Okay, You're Pervect. When it's finished I'll send you all copies.'

'I'll look forward to it,' I thanked him. 'I'm going back to my studies. I've still got a lot to learn.'

'You're on your way,' Zol assured me. 'I was very impressed with both your application and your wisdom.'

'I'm sorry,' Wensley said, turning to me with some embarrassment. 'But we can't pay you yet. Wuh is on the financial mend, and your fee will just send us back again into negative territory. I'm sorry.'