I accept her invitation to come in for a beer.
Amy seats me at her kitchen table and opens her refrigerator.
“You’re not going to believe this,” she says.
“I forgot I was out.”
I come around behind her and look. The inside is as bare as my own. What do single people eat? She has three Diet Cokes on the bottom rack, and a jar of orange juice on the top with nothing in between.
“I cleaned out the refrigerator today in case you tried to inspect it,” she adds.
As with so many of her remarks, I don’t know whether this one is serious or not.
“I think the point is,” I say with mock solemnity, “there is supposed to be food in here, but I’ll give you an “A’ for effort. It’s really clean.”
“Whew!” she says, shutting the door and leaning back against me.
“I was afraid I wasn’t gonna pass.”
“You passed,” I concede. We resume kissing then, and after a few moments she leads me into her bedroom where we make love. Amy is as passionate as I thought she would be. She seems pleased with my efforts, too, afterward, lying back against her pillows and smiling contentedly in the soft glow of the lamp beside her bed. I think I’m going to like this woman.
At home, in my own bed, I wonder why Rainey and I never made love all those months. Too complicated for her own good, she spent a lot of time picking at life as if it were part of the DNA chain she had to unravel. Amy is more direct and so much less analytical. What did Amy and I talk about tonight? The game, the Razorbacks, her work, not much really. Rainey could get so damn moralistic I’d like to keep things with Amy simple for a while if I can. It’s a nice change.
7
Sunday and Monday the news from Fayetteville is mixed. As I work to rearrange my schedule so I can get up there the last part of the week, it is obvious that the pressure on the university to discipline Dade is building.
According to the Democrat-Gazette, war’s Sunday night rally attracted a crowd of four hundred people, including faculty members. The administration was denounced as “totally and irreversibly sexist,” and Paula Crawford, war’s leader, demanded that Coach Carter and Jack Burke, the athletic director, resign. Yet, there is no doubt Dade’s performance against Tennessee has helped him. In the letters-to-the-editor column two self identified “fans” recite Carter’s argument that if Dade is kicked off the team or disciplined now, he will be denied due process of law. University officials were quoted as saying they would have a statement later in the week.
Monday night I notice in the mailbox a letter from Fayetteville in Sarah’s neat handwriting. I open the door and let Woogie out in the darkness by himself (he is hungry and will be back within fifteen minutes), and mystified, I sit down to read the letter at the kitchen table over a beer. I never get a letter from her at school. On her word processor, which I am still paying off, she has written:
Dear Dad:
As you know, I’ve been going to some meetings sponsored by WAR, but I’ve also attended a couple of workshops they put on over the weekend. You could call them “consciousness-raising” sessions, I guess. As I’ve told you, I never identified with the term “feminist” before, and I’m still not sure I know what it means, but Paula and some of her group have made me think about some things that I hadn’t realized before.
Since it is hard for me to talk to you sometimes (you can be real intimidating!), I thought I’d try to write about them. Here goes:
Did you ever realize that I’ve spent half my life on a diet? Ever since I was ten, I’ve thrown away good food and then got hungry later and ate junk. Then, I’d have to diet some more. All my friends in high school were like that. Do you remember Amber Norworthy? She used to make herself throw up in the bathroom at high school after her mother caught her doing it at home. I can see now in retrospect that Betty Davenport was anorexic. Lots of other girls I knew were close to it.
Ever since I was little, I’ve spent my entire life worrying about how I look, how much I weigh, and how I measure up in comparison to other girls. I know Mom looked great all the time, but I don’t think she liked all the emphasis on her appearance as much as you did.
She was from a culture even more macho than the U.S.
In South America women are even more objects than we are here. You should know that.
The Women’s Movement was supposed to make us free. Well, we aren’t! We are slaves to cosmetics, body surgery, diets, pornography (look at the ads in magazines), and violence against women. I didn’t understand any of this before I joined WAR. I thought women who joined groups like this were just bitter because they couldn’t compete against women who were more attractive. That’s not true! They just quit accepting all that garbage about how women are supposed to look and act in society.
Even before I went to school. Mom painted me up like a little doll. My fingernails, my toenails-I wore makeup even before junior high! You probably don’t remember because you never really paid attention. You just assumed that was the way it was supposed to be. I don’t blame Mom. She was just too brainwashed by her culture before she got over here.
Dad, I would really like for you to talk to Paula. She is so smart. I know you’re a big supporter of individual rights and free speech, but I bet she could convince you that all pornography ought to be banned because it’s harmful to women. She says it can be banned because it can be interpreted as a violation of the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment. I don’t understand the legal arguments but you would.
I know some kids (guys, mainly) resent the new sexual harassment policy on campus, but all it means is that if you sexually harass somebody, you’re denying them an equal opportunity at an education. I know I sound simplistic, but Paula and some of the others can explain these things really well.
I know what you’re thinking-that I’m going off the deep end again-like the time I joined Christian Life.
Please don’t have a knee-jerk reaction like you usually do. You always overreact to everything!
I want you to do something for me: I want you to ask the judge to let you no longer be Dade’s attorney if you become convinced that he is guilty. What if it had been me he raped? Would you want him to go free?
Please don’t make any more cracks about women burning their bras! This group is not like that.
Love, Sarah P.S. I’ve quit jv cheerleading even though I think I had a good chance of being a Razorback cheerleader next year. It’s really just kind of a sex show-women in skimpy, tight outfits performing for men. I want to have more control over what happens to me instead of just reacting to the prevailing culture, which, you’ll have to admit, is pretty sick. I’ll see you later this week.
I read the letter twice. I should have seen this coming, I think, as I swallow more beer. Sarah is always vulnerable to whatever comes along at the moment. If I hadn’t been so nuts after Rosa died, none of this would be happening.
What gets into her? How does she think I’m going to make a living if I defend only people I know are innocent?
And what is wrong with being beautiful? Actually, it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if she didn’t feel as
8
If she had to spend as much money on clothes as she does. Unless she shaves her head, she’s going to be gorgeous, no matter what. I scan the letter again. I never knew she worried about being fat. She never has been even close to being five pounds overweight. And if researchers have proved a direct casual link between pornography and physical violence against women, I’ve missed it. Up until now it’s always been the right wing that wanted to ban porno shops and movies. This is ridiculous! My apolitical daughter becoming left wing and going so far around the bend she’s meeting conservatives on the other side. I can’t believe she’s quit cheerleading.
