pin-legs, batting each other with antennae like blind men's canes. He shaped his hands into spades and dug them into the squirming mass of segmented bodies, feeling them tickle over his hands and wrists, running up his arms. They nipped at his skin with their pincers, but were too small to hurt. Digging deeper until his fingertips met under the earth, he felt the fat thoraxes roll warmly over his skin. Carefully he raised the mound, shaking it free of insects. A baby's face appeared, fat and gurgly, unconcerned by the bugs that ran across his wide blue eyes, in and out of the pouted lips. Raising the child high toward the fiery summer globe, he watched as the last of the ants fell away, revealing his smiling, beautiful son.
'Tyler,' he said, 'Tyler Fleet.'
And he set off back towards his sleeping wife.
'Billy. Billy, you came back.' Her lank hair hung over his face, tickling. Her plucked eyebrows were arched in a circumflex of concern. She had been crying.
'What's your problem?' he asked slowly, feeling the words in his mouth. He was lying on the cool dry dirt in front of the ghost train ride. A few passers-by had stopped to watch.
'You fell out of the carriage is what's the problem,' she said, touching his cheek with her fingers. 'You cut your forehead. Oh, Billy.'
'I'm fine. Was just a slip is all.' He raised himself on one elbow. 'No need to get so worked up.' He rubbed the goosebumps from his arms.
'I was so frightened in there, I thought I'd lost you, I panicked,' she told him. 'Look.' She held up her palm and showed him the crimson dot. 'It's my blood, not yours. I started late, that's all. I'm not pregnant, Billy. I'm sorry.'
He realized why she had been so unconcerned at the fair. She had been happy to place her trust in him unquestioningly. It had never crossed her mind that things might not work out. He studied her face as if seeing her for the first time. 'I'm so sorry,' she said again, searching his eyes in trepidation.
'Don't worry,' he told her, pulling himself up and dusting down his jeans. 'Maybe we can make another one.' He offered his arm. 'Give me your hand.' He sealed his fingers gently over the crimson dot. She pulled him to his feet, surprisingly strong.
Molly looked up as he passed the ticket booth to the Twilight Express. There was no way of knowing what she was thinking, or if she was thinking anything at all. 'Hey Billy, Papa Jack wants you to work with him tomorrow night,' she told him. 'You gonna need to put that money by. The baby'll be back, and maybe next time you'll be ready for him.'
Then she went back to counting the change from the tickets.
The moon above the Elysium funfair shone with the colours of the sideshow, red and blue glass against butter yellow, as the calliope played on, turning wishes into starlight.
The Twilight Express was gone. It had been replaced by the Queen of The South, a Mississippi riverboat ride where passengers seated themselves on cream-coloured benches and watched as their paddle steamer slipped upriver, not past the real southland of jute factories and boatyards and low-cost housing, but an imagined antebellum fantasy of filigreed plantation houses glimpsed through Spanish moss. The candy-coloured deck looked out on pastel hardboard flats and painted linen skies that creaked past on a continuous roll as birds twittered on the tape loop.
Molly was still here at the Elysium, working the riverboat ride now. She watched him approach without pleasure or sorrow shaping her face. He supposed carnie folk saw too much to care one way or the other. To her, he was just another small-town hick.
'So you didn't leave,' she said, sweeping coins from her counter without looking up.
'Did I say I was going?' he asked defensively.
'Didn't have to.' She stacked dimes to the width of her hand, calculating the value, then swept them into a bag. 'You should bring your wife here.'
'You don't know I married her,' he said, kicking at the dry dirt in annoyance.
'Don't I, though.' Her expression never changed.
He left her counting the gate money, and resolved not to bring Susannah to the Elysium. But he did, that Friday night.
He breathed in the smell of hot caramel, sawdust and sugar-floss, fired a rifle at pocked metal soldiers and hooked a yellow duck for Tyler, but wouldn't go near Molly's ride. 'I don't need to go on that,' he told his wife, watching as she held their baby to her breast. 'Not after last time.'
Susannah jiggled the baby and stood looking up at the painted riverbank. 'That was more than three years ago, Billy. The Twilight Express is gone. It's not a ghost train anymore. No one's gonna fall out of the car.' She smiled at him bravely, as if it was all that could protect her from his simmering impatience.
Billy still wasn't sure what had happened that time. The accident had changed something between them. All he remembered was that she had freed him and he had elected to stay, but part of him remained regretful. He loved his boy, but the smell of the infant had lingered too long on his skin, reminding him of his responsibilities, removing any pretence of freedom. There was never time to be alone and think things through.
He worked in his uncle's feed store now, and made a decent living, but it wasn't what he had imagined for himself. Sometimes strangers passed through the local bar and talked of harsh cities they'd seen, strange lands they'd visited, and he wanted to beg them;
He loved his son, but knew there could have been a better life. The carnival had changed all that. It took a little and gave a little back, that's what Molly had once told him.
'Come with me,' said Susannah. 'We're a team. We do things together.'
'You two are the team. Go have fun,' he said, placing a hand firmly in the small of her back, propelling her toward the steps of the Queen of The South, its minstrel music piped through speakers set on either side of the great painted boat that seemed to move forward but never travelled anywhere. 'Show Tyler the Mississippi. I'll be here when you get off.'
Susannah passed reluctantly through the turnstile, balancing the boy on her hip. From within the ticket booth, Molly caught his eye for the briefest of moments, and he read something strange in her expression. His wife looked back, the dying daylight shining in her eyes. Her glance pierced his heart. She gave a brief nervous smile and stepped inside the boat. He wanted to run forward and snatch her back before she could take her seat, to tell her he knew what he had and it was real good, but even as he thought this he wondered what else he might be missing, and then the banjo music had started, the ply-board trees were shunting past, and the steamer was gradually lost from view.
The ride was long. He grew bored with waiting and tried to knock a coconut from its shy, even though he knew it was probably nailed in place. When he returned to the ride it had already emptied out, but there was no sign of his young family. He asked Molly where they had gone, but she denied ever having seen them. None of the barkers would be drawn on the subject. He vaulted into the back of the riverboat ride, clambering through the dusty sunlit diorama, trying to see how they might have escaped through the pasteboard flats, but was pulled out by Papa Jack.
Billy yelled and stamped and made a fuss, finally called the Sheriff, but everyone agreed that Susannah had gone, taking their child with her. People looked at him warily and backed away.
The heatwave broke on the day the Elysium carnival trundled out of town. As rain darkened the bald dirt- patch where the tents had stood, Billy watched the trucks drive off, and knew that he had failed the test.
The lilting sound of the calliope stole away his dreams and faded slowly with them, leaving him under clouded skies, filled with bitter remorse. Twilight died down to a starless night, and there was nothing left inside it now, just the empty, aching loss of what he might have had, who he might have been, and the terrible understanding that he had been looking too far away for the answer to his prayers.
Somewhere in another town, another state, the Twilight Express showed the way between stations for those passengers who were strong enough to stay on the ride.
RAMSEY CAMPBELL
Peep
